(Closed) Breaking and engagement to my parents ….

posted 4 years ago in Military
Post # 2
Member
9809 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Just be honest with them. You can’t control how they are going to react. But you are an adult and the fact is, you don’t need their approval (although I understand wanting it).

Post # 3
Member
13707 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If you’re old enough to get engaged, you’re old enough to deal with your parents potential disapproval.

Your parents are concerned for you, that’s all.  Keep building your relationship with your boyfriend.  If and when he proposes, you’ll deal with it.  

Post # 4
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Six months and then he deployed…its a tough situation. As a former Army girlfriend, its tough to know if you should get married at your age to someone youve known for six months. However, in order to “get to know” someone whos deployed you almost have to marry them…lol I would say this, try to wait another year, if after that you feel hes the one go ahead. If you cant wait and feel compelled to marry him now, its not the worst thing in the world if it doesnt work out you can always get divorced realatively simply as long as you dont have children. 

As far as your other military friends marrying in their early twenties, many of those marriages wont see their tenth anniversary so dont use that as a yardstick. 

Post # 5
Member
1357 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA

I actually side with your parents. Personally I don’t feel one year is long enough to get engaged. Coupled with the fact that he’s been deployed for 6 months…. It seems a little soon to me. From my experience, most relationships are smooth sailing the first year. It’s the honeymoon period. Do what feels right to you, but I would at least consider what your parents are saying.

Post # 8
Member
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

bostonlady2:  “I recently was talking to my parents a litte bit about how I’m sure he is the one for me and how I want to spend my life with him.”

Maybe your first mistake was spewing your guts to mommy and daddy.

Post # 9
Member
4084 posts
Honey bee

I think your parents are just concerned and want the best for you. They love you. If your Boyfriend or Best Friend does propose, hopefully they’ll warm up to the idea. But as PP said, if you’re old enough to make these kinds of decisions, you’re old enough to deal with any backlash that comes with them. Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
96 posts
Worker bee

I can see why your parents are concerned. Out of your 1 year relationship, you have been with him for 6 months. How often do you get to communicate with him while he is deployed?

I hear that you are saying that you won’t be getting married until a year after engagement. But during the time that you are engaged, will he be home or still be deployed? I think your parents are worried that you have not spent enough time with him in person to make a lifetime commitment. 

Post # 12
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee

I think it makes sense that your parents would be cautious but at the end of the day it’s your life. 

 

When I told my parents I was engaged they had a million questions, religion, kids, school/work, who will take the garbage out, are you pregnant….it went on for awhile. I had an answer for everything becuase my husband and i had talked about all of those things. So even though we’d only been dating each other for 2 months they decided to be supportive and threw us a beautiful rushed wedding. 

His family freaked out too btw. They all assumed I was knocked up. 

A decade later we’re still happy as can be and our parents are thrilled that we’re so happy. 

 

All that to say that I’ve been in your shoes and it worked out for me. We were younger than you and had dated for much less time. The fact that you’ve already made it through a deployment says a lot.  It’s your life. Your choice. 

Post # 13
Member
3437 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Try to keep in mind that their reaction was only out of concern for you. I wonder how well they have gotten to know him, and if you talk about him much? That might be part of the reason they feel like you haven’t been together that long, because they still feel unfamiliar with him and especially the two of you as a couple.

I’m sure once you two start going over to your parents for dinner regularly and things like that, the idea of you two as a mature couple will grow on them quickly. 

Post # 14
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I totally see where your parents are coming from. However my husband and I were engaged just a month after meeting and married at less than 3 months all together. Sometimes when you know… You know! Only you two can know if it’s the right thing for you, no one else. 

Post # 15
Member
9 posts
Newbee

I say follow your heart. My husband is military ( we moved in literally after a month and married less than a year later. With TONS of struggle) Deployment strong is a special strength. You are an adult. your parents love you clearly, but do not always know best.  Yes a year or 6 months may not be enough for many. But when you know you know. I say follow your heart, do what you say you are going to do with time frame. If your parents are worried about finances and want to throw the wedding reassure theM their blessing is all you need. Spend as much time together as possible.  my parents are traditional and got to know my husband via Skype since we were overseas. 

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