Post # 1
To start I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year who is currently in the military . We have talked alot about future plans and about how he wants to stay around this way if he decides to get out of the military in the next few years and if not then I would move with him to wherever he goes next. I recently was talking to my parents a little bit about how I’m sure he is the one for me and how I want to spend my life with him.
They in turn basically said that since he was gone for almost 6 months (deployed) that we haven’t been together that long at all to make those decisions. Keep in my mind we are both 24. I told them that even if we were to get engaged soon that we both agreed that we would wait a bout a year ( to plan a wedding ) before we a tuslly got married. That I wouldn’t just run off the second we got engaged and get married. I think the hardest part is just getting them to understand that we really aren’t that young in relation to most other military couples who are our friends. ,Amy of them have been married for years and dated far less then the two of us. I think I’m just nervous that if we do get engaged they won’t approve. And that would be really hard . I’m kinda looking for support on how to navigate this situation and what I should do, because I know that he is my forever and the one for me,
Post # 2
Just be honest with them. You can’t control how they are going to react. But you are an adult and the fact is, you don’t need their approval (although I understand wanting it).
Post # 3
If you’re old enough to get engaged, you’re old enough to deal with your parents potential disapproval.
Your parents are concerned for you, that’s all. Keep building your relationship with your boyfriend. If and when he proposes, you’ll deal with it.
Post # 4
Six months and then he deployed…its a tough situation. As a former Army girlfriend, its tough to know if you should get married at your age to someone youve known for six months. However, in order to “get to know” someone whos deployed you almost have to marry them…lol I would say this, try to wait another year, if after that you feel hes the one go ahead. If you cant wait and feel compelled to marry him now, its not the worst thing in the world if it doesnt work out you can always get divorced realatively simply as long as you dont have children.
As far as your other military friends marrying in their early twenties, many of those marriages wont see their tenth anniversary so dont use that as a yardstick.
Post # 5
- Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA
I actually side with your parents. Personally I don’t feel one year is long enough to get engaged. Coupled with the fact that he’s been deployed for 6 months…. It seems a little soon to me. From my experience, most relationships are smooth sailing the first year. It’s the honeymoon period. Do what feels right to you, but I would at least consider what your parents are saying.
Post # 6
jily: I think the biggest thing with him and I is we both know that we would wait at least a year to get married. even if he did propose tomorrow we would still wait a year before we even walked down the isle. I think it’s more just having people understand that U.S. Getting engaged ( if it does happen soon ) doesn’t mean we would run and get married but rather we would wait like any of couple.
Post # 7
Kings7911: I def have which is why I know when we have talked about it we have looked at waiting some time before actually getting married and not rush into it like some of our other friends. But instead wait about s year if not more before finally walking down the isle .
Post # 8
bostonlady2: “I recently was talking to my parents a litte bit about how I’m sure he is the one for me and how I want to spend my life with him.”
Maybe your first mistake was spewing your guts to mommy and daddy.
Post # 9
I think your parents are just concerned and want the best for you. They love you. If your Boyfriend or Best Friend does propose, hopefully they’ll warm up to the idea. But as PP said, if you’re old enough to make these kinds of decisions, you’re old enough to deal with any backlash that comes with them. Good luck!
Post # 10
I can see why your parents are concerned. Out of your 1 year relationship, you have been with him for 6 months. How often do you get to communicate with him while he is deployed?
I hear that you are saying that you won’t be getting married until a year after engagement. But during the time that you are engaged, will he be home or still be deployed? I think your parents are worried that you have not spent enough time with him in person to make a lifetime commitment.
Post # 11
emibee:while deployed a week in the month we skype everday and talked over email and Facebook many more times when we couldn’t Skype. No he will not be deploying at all in the time we would be engaged
Post # 12
I think it makes sense that your parents would be cautious but at the end of the day it’s your life.
When I told my parents I was engaged they had a million questions, religion, kids, school/work, who will take the garbage out, are you pregnant….it went on for awhile. I had an answer for everything becuase my husband and i had talked about all of those things. So even though we’d only been dating each other for 2 months they decided to be supportive and threw us a beautiful rushed wedding.
His family freaked out too btw. They all assumed I was knocked up.
A decade later we’re still happy as can be and our parents are thrilled that we’re so happy.
All that to say that I’ve been in your shoes and it worked out for me. We were younger than you and had dated for much less time. The fact that you’ve already made it through a deployment says a lot. It’s your life. Your choice.
Post # 13
Try to keep in mind that their reaction was only out of concern for you. I wonder how well they have gotten to know him, and if you talk about him much? That might be part of the reason they feel like you haven’t been together that long, because they still feel unfamiliar with him and especially the two of you as a couple.
I’m sure once you two start going over to your parents for dinner regularly and things like that, the idea of you two as a mature couple will grow on them quickly.
Post # 14
I totally see where your parents are coming from. However my husband and I were engaged just a month after meeting and married at less than 3 months all together. Sometimes when you know… You know! Only you two can know if it’s the right thing for you, no one else.
Post # 15
I say follow your heart. My husband is military ( we moved in literally after a month and married less than a year later. With TONS of struggle) Deployment strong is a special strength. You are an adult. your parents love you clearly, but do not always know best. Yes a year or 6 months may not be enough for many. But when you know you know. I say follow your heart, do what you say you are going to do with time frame. If your parents are worried about finances and want to throw the wedding reassure theM their blessing is all you need. Spend as much time together as possible. my parents are traditional and got to know my husband via Skype since we were overseas.