- 4 years ago
- Wedding: August 2015
Today was the day. I finally hit the point where I realized my days of patience are over and I started to wonder if I’ve drifted into “wasting my time” territory.
The boyfriend and I have been dating for 4+ years, and living together for almost one. We met in college, spent some time long-distance, and then I finally made the move to be with him. Marriage is something I’ve thought about for us since college. I was hoping for a ring before we graduated so we could solidify our desire to stay together, but that didn’t happen and I wasn’t too disappointed about it. Then when we entered the long-distance phase I expected it a little more. I thought, “I know he misses me. Surely it’s enough to make him propose.”
But of course, that didn’t happen either.
We both hated long-distance, but I think it was clear to me that I despised it more than him. After several conversations, I also realized it was more practical for me to find a new job and make the move, even though I was leaving a new city I had fallen in love with. Nevertheless, I found a new job and packed up my belongings to be with him.
Which brings me to today. I now live in Wisconsin, and while I understand winter really hasn’t been kind to anyone, it was especially cruel here today. My normal 30-40 minute commute took a full 90 minutes. When I arrived at work I slipped on ice and landed on my butt. All while the boy was at home staying in all day (he’s a grad student).
I was fuming. Every passing doubt I’ve had about our relationship came bubbling right up. Here I am, in a city I don’t really care for, where my career opportunities are pretty limited, wasting 90 minutes of my day sitting in traffic and slipping on ice. Not to mention all of the “wifely” duties I perform at home, even though I don’t have the title. All for a man who I moved for because I thought at this point he’d be my fiance.
I know. I have no one to blame but myself. Although to be fair, I wouldn’t still be waiting if he wasn’t worth it. I’m doing a lot of complaining here, so I would like to add that the past year we have been in the same place and taking on the world together has done wonders for our relationship and for the most part I’m very happy with him (I know the contents of this post greatly contradict that, but trust me on this one). It’s just that not being engaged at this point is killing me even more than I’d like to admit.
So I’ve thought it through. I really can’t wait forever. And I believe if he really does love me and wants to marry me (as he says he does), he won’t make me wait another couple of years. He sees how this is affecting me. So I have to trust that he’ll propose before my deadline.
Which I’m not telling him, of course, because that would be an ultimatum and I don’t believe in those for reasons I won’t get into right now. All I have to say is I’ve given myself a date, and if we’re not engaged by that date, then I’ll move on.
I appreciate the time anyone took to read all this. I guess I just needed to vent and put it in words that I’ve made this commitment to myself. I just hope the boy will also make the commitment before mine takes place.