(Closed) Breaking Point: Giving Myself an Ultimatum

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 32
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Could you figure out a better life in WI for yourself? For example, either getting a job closer to your home or moving closer to your work. 

Is he in the dissertation stage yet? If he is at home writing all day, he could do that at a place closer to your work, so you would have an easier commute. 

It made sense to move to be in the same state, but does it still make sense to live with him? At this point, would you be happier living in an apartment by yourself or with him? Depending on the stage of grad school, he could be several years away from graduating, and in the meantime, you should both be happy where you are.

Post # 33
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Good for you!! You need to know your boundaries. And I completely agree with you about not telling him your date. Before we got engaged I felt like there was no way to have that conversation with him without it coming off as an ultimatum. And even if that doesn’t seem like a big deal now, every little fight you get in later there will always be that nagging wonder of if he would have proposed if you hadn’t pressured him into it. Also, from what you said it sounds like you have already had the whole marriage, proposal talk together a few times.

However, if you’re not happy with your current living situation you shouldn’t bottle it up. Talk with him and come up with something together. Even if it’s something as small as him starting your car and scraping your windows for you every morning.

Post # 33
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2015

You may have already done these things, but I’d like to put them out there anyway… Have you talked to him about getting engaged/marriage and why it’s so important to you? I would say most men aren’t uncaring, they are honestly just not mind readers or plain oblivious. He may see your struggles and think if he can hurry up and graduate then y’all can move rather than realizing you’re looking for an engagement commitment. Or, he may have issues with getting engaged (maybe he can’t afford a ring while still in school, maybe he worries you might want kids right away, etc.) I wouldn’t set a time line or give him ultimatums as that can be seen as a threat. I wouldn’t want to threaten someone into proposing. But I would talk to him about how important it is to you and listen to his feelings also. Good luck! 

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