(Closed) Breaking the news to those not invited

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

Half way into our planning we cut our guestlist in HALF… going down to immediate family and close friends only.

I sent an email to 2 aunts & 1 cousin that we had to go down to immediate family b/c we just couldn’t accomodate everyone.

We then had our parents pass the info along to their families…. (for some this still didn’t go over well)

As for friends I’d just send the 1 email….to the ones that have specifically asked only. This is how I dealt with our friends. We are REALLY involved in the Young Adult Ministry at our church so as soon as the news went out we had 100 people just there asking about details… I’ve even seen “friends” (people that I’m not that close to) pretty much invited themselves… I just told them it was small, immediate family & a hand ful of others…

Everyone’s taken it pretty well, and those that didn’t I’m realizing that it wouldn’t matter HOW I told them they’d still be throwing a fit… lol

Post # 4
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

If you haven’t talked about inviting them yet, you can go the simple route and tell them that your wedding will be small or mostly family or you’re not sure if your budget can accomodate them.

Post # 6
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011 - The Royal Park Hotel

So sorry you’re going through this! 🙁 I think many of us have been in your shoes, and it’s a tough situation. Without knowing how many people you have to break the news to, I tend to stray away from sending mass e-mails. It’s definitely faster, but depending on your relationship with the person they could view it as very impersonal? Good luck!

Post # 7
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I wouldn’t send a mass email.  Unless you have told someone they are invited and now they are not, I think you are OK.  As if comes up and people ask, I would just say we have decided on a very small wedding.  I’m considering this right now myself.

Post # 8
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I would privately respond to the ones that specifically ask you for more info and/or are hinting at being invited and tell them “We’ve decided to have a very intimate ceremony for family only.”  And then throw in other general chit-chat about their life. 

I wouldn’t even say “We would love for you to be there, but …..” because then that opens doors for them offering to pay for themselves to come, bringing up how they’ve been in your life for years and are just like a sister to you anyway, etc…  Keep it a short and sweet one-liner.

Post # 10
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

For the past few months I have been copying and pasting an array of canned responses. We will have under 100 people attending our wedding, which is small for NJ. This line might help ya out.

“We’re having a simple wedding with family and a few friends, Your best wishes is all I can wish or hope for, and you have already given us that!”

Post # 11
2907 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

if this is a facebook thing, i’d go for a simple status update like


it is so frustrating planning such a small wedding, i wish we had the $$ tojust invite everyone– oh well… 10 year anniversary party, anyone?



can’t wait to have her small family wedding!


or something similar but more your style


a lot of times people making these assumptions don’t actually TALK to you, they just follow your facebook and bug you there

(i’m having the same issues!)



the individual email route works best for people who have sought you out. looks like that’s working for you so far. good job 🙂

Post # 12
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@Ugoob: I don’t think you owe it to anyone to tell them they aren’t invited.  If you feel badly about it, make a status update on Facebook and say, Fiance and I are having a small wedding with close family only. 

You dont really need to explain yourself.  People will get over it.  It’s your wedding!

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