(Closed) Breaking tradition, moving in before marriage… vent.

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Well my boyfriend and I lived together but it took 2 weeks of negotiating and begging before we got their (reluctant) approval. They are just fine with it now, but they still won’t let us share a room when we go to their house for holidays!

Post # 4
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Sorry you’re having a tough time.  Are you the oldest in your family?  Do you think he just had an angry reaction or an anger that will stick with him?

Hope things smooth out a bit.  Good luck.

Post # 6
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

We were in a similar situation, only with us being in our 30’s and both owning our own homes, we never asked for permission to live together once my house had sold.  My dad was similar, more disappointed than anything, however since we live in another state 5 hours away we finally came to the agreement that we just wouldn’t tell anyone in my hometown we lived together.  My parents are fairly conservative and attend a conservative rural church, so it was also an issue of “what everyone would think”.  Eventually it got better…by the time of our wedding (almost a year later) dad was fine with it.  Regardless, I’m sorry you are going through this, and I do think it’s worse with the “baby” of the family…parents can be a bit more protective.  Hang in there, hopefully he’ll come around!

Post # 7
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

My family feels the same way my father passed away 2 years ago and My fi and I talked about moving in together a few months ago. My mom did not like that idea and said something about “if your dad were here”. so yeah I felt completely guilty then but I dont think its a huge thing if your engaged. your on your way to marriage its just more practical. *HUGS*

Post # 8
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I’m sorry that they are making you feel bad about what is a joyous time. Congratulations on your new home with your Fiance. Remember that your relationship is between you and your Fiance. Celebrate it.

Post # 10
Member
465 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

The same happened to me. My dad actually told my Fiance that he was disrespecting him and my mom by not obeying them. THEN told him that his family clearly wasn’t “christian enough” because they were ok with us moving in together. It was awful and ugly and i didn’t speak to them for almost a month.

And that was the first time he ever stayed with my family. So now it’s like pulling teeth to get him to visit my parents, and I don’t blame him! Ugh. Hope your parents turn around soon. Mine eventally did, they aren’t happy, but they don’t give us any more verbal problems…

Post # 11
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I hate that they are making it hard on you. I hate that your dad flipped out. *hugs*

Fiance and I don’t live together. We don’t stay the night with each other either. Our families would have a cow! LOL. But that’s how we were raised. We would LOVE to move in together, but we respect our families. (I’m not saying that you don’t, dear) Fiance lives on his families land, and if I were to move in with him now, his uncle would charge him rent. But we got 21 more days, then we get to live together! πŸ˜€ We’ve waited almost 2 years for it! LOL!

It’ll be okay honey. You’re parents may be upset right now, but that won’t make them stop loving you! πŸ™‚

Post # 12
Member
1514 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I hope it works out for you.  This is your decision and if this is what you and your FH want, then you should do it.  I can see for religious reasons why your dad may be against this, but for other reasons – this is a way for you “practice” being together.  How else will you know if you can work day to day together and deal with budgets and everything else?

Post # 13
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We did but it was because we were living in two separate apartments very far from our families. We asked our parents before hand for permission though. I understand why there may be some hesitation but one argument that my MOM actually brought up was … what if you move in together and you just cant live together? you can love each other all you want but if you cant live with someone, it wont work….

you could try that argument for your dad!

Post # 15
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I hope this works out for you! I can’t relate b/c my parents ENCOURAGED us to live together and were okay with it.

All I can tell you, is I know it sucks, but you are an adult and are fully capable of making your own decisions in life. If your parents don’t support you, so be it, but you have to do what is right/best for you and makes YOU happy. It is your life, sweetie, and you don’t need your parents’ approval to do what you want. They flipped out, but at least they haven’t forbad you or threatened you about the wedding. They’ll get over it.

It’s better to live with someone you love dearly and plan on marrying than some random dude, right? =]

Let him chill out. He’s realizing that he can tell you he’s “disappointed/upset/angry” but in the long run, you’re going to do what you want anyway. It’s a big fat realization that suddenly his opinion doesn’t mean as much anymore and that can be a shock to his ego. Maybe he’s just extra sensitive about you growing up and living with a boy! oh no!

Post # 16
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Long story short but that is how my first marriage started.  We were young and planned on moving in together. I gave in to my Father-In-Law who said they would DISOWN my ex if he moved in with me…so we got married instead (which was completely wrong).  Stick to your convictions. I said if I ever got married again we would have to live together before hand.  Good luck to you!

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