Breaking up a 5 year relationship(long)

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

?!?! Uuuh, you’re 21!! HES 21 (so mentally 18 lol)…

WHY are you talking about marriage?!?? Your literal brains aren’t even done yet.

R E L A X . . .

Post # 3
Member
402 posts
Helper bee

Lol you made the right decision. He’s an immature little boy. Don’t question your decision and enjoy your life not having to mother your (ex)bf anymore. Enjoy your freedom! 

Post # 4
Member
754 posts
Busy bee

Bee, you’ve basically been his second mother for 5 years. You are obviously w lot more mature and independent than he is – and he honestly doesn’t sound very invested in your relationship. 

Honestly, you both met VERY young, and are still very young. You are both still maturing, him less quickly. This relationship has run its course.

im glad you ended it. It was the right thing to do. Take some time Being single and independent and learning what you actually now want and deserve in a partners when you’re ready go find yourself a nice mature caring man who puts you first always. 

Post # 6
Member
754 posts
Busy bee

screaminmimi511 :  don’t worry about that Bee, he has his first mother to console him for his birthday.. and sure he’ll have another one next year! But please, don’t go back on your decision. Honestly, it’s not worth your time.

Post # 7
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2020 - Clarksville, VA

You don’t seem too upset about the breakup. And I mean that in a good way. When I ended things with an ex I worried I had done the wrong thing, but I also felt so much relief. It sounds like breaking up was for the best. You should be with someone that is thrilled to see you and can be their own person. At 21 he shouldn’t have to ask permission for every little thing. I’m sure things hurt right now, but in a few weeks you’ll realize how much better off you are! 

screaminmimi511 :  

Post # 8
Member
1481 posts
Bumble bee

You are dodging a huge bullet. It’s not even necessarily he is immature, to me it sounds like this is who he is as a person and that isn’t going to change when he gets older. 

He is a mama’s boy and that isn’t going to change. He will continue to pick her over you. I don’t know any college age kids who need to ask their parents permission to go to a cabin or to stay over at someone’s house for a sleepover. That isn’t normal. He doesn’t even enjoy spending that much time with you and that isn’t going to change. He doesn’t seem that into the relationship and it’s best you cut your losses now. The one thing in your life that will help you have good relationships and less heartbreak is if you end relationships the second you realize they aren’t a good fit. Lots of people don’t have the strength to do that. Good for you for ending it. Find a guy who is normal. Who wants to spend lots of time with you, who is motivated in life to have a good job. A guy who plans dates, has normal parents who let him life his life. It will get better with time. You will get over him and look back and be glad you got out. Just focus on yourself and being the best you can be. 

 

screaminmimi511 :  

Post # 9
Member
294 posts
Helper bee

screaminmimi511 :  

Your relationship sounded like a lot of hard work from your side, and at your age, it is normal for girls to grow up a little bit faster than guys. Your early twenties are a bit of a tricky age, because a lot of girls at this age are thinking about their future and starting to take on a lot more responsibility and become more independent. Dating guys your own age might be a bit frustrating because, for guys, this process seems to happen a bit later on… like more towards the late 20s. Sure some guys are ready to start being responsible and level-headed early on, but most aren’t. And those who are used to mom looking after them and babying them definitely aren’t. What’s more, it sounds as if he enjoys the babying. That is definitely not a good sign for a relationship.

A guy who is a good bet for a relationship has a lot more signs of independence and emotional availability. It sounds as if you were having to drive this relationship almost purely by your own efforts. That is not much fun. You are well within your rights to say you don’t feel like doing it any more, and you should not feel bad about the break up in any way. 

Honestly from your post it sounded as if he was barely putting the effort in. You do not need to lose any sleep over a relationship like that.

Post # 10
Hostess
7367 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2019

You are too young and have too much ahead of you to waste your time parenting someone who isn’t your kid. Trust me when I say 31 you would be high-fiving you right now.

Post # 11
Member
1219 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I find it so weird that he asked his parents for permission to sleep over. If his mum has this much authority over his life, what do you imagine it’ll be like in 3-4 years? If I had to guess, I’d say you’ll be back on these boards posting about how your Mother-In-Law has no boundaries and your husband always sides with her. 

Post # 13
Member
6356 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

screaminmimi511 :  So my little brother was somewhat like your ex. When he was 21, it was actually more like he was 16. His maturity level was just not there yet. At all. My parents weren’t controlling of him at all, but regardless, he couldn’t function without them. He never lived on his own (and had no desire to). He didn’t pay any bills. The few girlfriends he had were very casual because he simply was not ready for adulthood or committment of any kind. 

I’m happy to say that yes, he got better…but it took about 10 years. No joke. I love my brother dearly but he’ll be the first to admit that he simply wasn’t ready to adult for quite some time. He’s now 33 and has been in a successful (long distance) relationship for about 3 years (maybe 4?). But he just moved out of my parents’ house this past May. So he’s getting there. But very slowly. He’s working on becoming a responsible adult first (living alone, paying his own way) and then once he feels more settled, he’s started contemplating the next step with his girlfriend. Thankfully she seems to be in no hurry either so they’re somewhat perfect for each other. 

My point is that maybe someday your ex will get it together. But that day is a long long loooooong way away. Added in the extra babying/controlling by his mother and it’ll probably take even longer! Go live your life! You made the right decision. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and will have wonderful future ahead of you. 

Post # 14
Member
2810 posts
Sugar bee

screaminmimi511 :  if he has to ask his mommy about a sleep over at your house, he shouldn’t be talking about marriage. 

You guys are young, but even so – this dude sounds like he wont be ready to move away from mom anytime soon. I think you made a good choice. 

Post # 15
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I feel like 99% of men aren’t even worth dating until they’re like 23-24-25 anyway. Men are dumb. XD

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