Breaking up a 5 year relationship(long)

posted 6 months ago in Relationships
Post # 16
3507 posts
Sugar bee

screaminmimi511 :  I agree you shouldn’t be focused on marriage at this point in your lives. However, a guy who has no interest in taking responsibility, makes zero effort in his relationship, and chooses his parents over you isn’t someone I’d have any interest in being with. You did the right thing. Time to focus on yourself, growing, learning, and becoming an adult in the world and not letting anyone you’re not compatible with slow you down!

Post # 17
5959 posts
Bee Keeper

You sound more like his 2nd mother than a girlfriend. Move on and don’t look back.

Post # 18
2916 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

screaminmimi511 :  I was exhausted after reading your post.  I can’t imagine doing the things you did for 5 years!

Yes, it sounds like you made the right decision.  Your old boyfriend sounds like my brother in his late teens-early 20s.  He actually wound up in some serious gambling debt when he was in college, so my parents forced him to move back home.  My mom babied him so much it was ridiculous.  He dated sporatically during that time because he couldn’t get his act together.

My mom one day realized she was stunting his growth, and it took a while, but she was finally able to cut the apron strings.  He didn’t even know how to do basic things like pay the bills.  But eventually he did figure it out, but he was closer to age 25-26.

It’s hard to end a relationship when you were together for so long, meeting at such a young age.  This is why most people don’t marry their high school sweethearts.  People change so much in their 20s, and some don’t grow up at all.  If he’s not careful he could be one of those guys living in his parents’ basement when he’s in his 30s.

It’s a new year – look forward, not backward.

Post # 19
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

You made the right decision. He sounds more like a high schooler and a college student. At 21 your parents shouldn’t be making plans for you anymore. If he was serious about you he would want to spend time with you. Don’t look back. Date someone who is actually an adult and behaves maturely. 

Post # 20
1134 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Bullet dodged. If you stayed with him you’d be back here in 5 years talking about, “My Mother-In-Law wants to come on my honeymoon and my Darling Husband won’t tell her no.”

Post # 21
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Definitely the right decision. What kind of 21-year-old needs to ask his mother’s permission before going anywhere?

Post # 23
2565 posts
Sugar bee

This guy is married to his mommy. You fulfilled the “mother” role for the last 5 years. You were never going to be able to transition to wife because his mother is already in that role. You 100% made the right decision. 

In future, make sure ANY guy you even consider dating has fully cut the apron strings. 

My husband’s little brother sounds like this guy. He’s 28 and still living at home with his mommy/wife. He just has zero motivation to develop his own life away from her. At 28 he has never had a serious girlfriend. 

Post # 24
829 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I think you made the right decision. You would have resented staying with a guy that you have to mother. In 10 years you’ll go “phew! I really dodged that bullet!” Take this time to focus on your own personal growth.

Post # 25
10273 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

awholenewbee2019 :  

Eighteen? You are a very generous Bee.  I had him pegged as no older than eight.


Post # 26
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I stopped reading at the part where he asked his parents for permission to spend a night at yours. Yeah, no thanks! You dodged a bullet there OP.

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