Post # 1
I need some opinions/advice….Been dating my guy since April 2014 and things are not working out, too many issues to list here. He knew before we started dating I had just got laid off and between a bit of un- employment (now cut off) no income, and draining my bank account and tapping my 401K which is almost gone (NEVER do that again!) because I have a car payment, insurance, etc. As everyone knows, the jobs in Michigan are very few and I didn’t finish college and I am older, 56, graduated high school, and took a few college courses but I have a learning disability. Thankfully my small home is paid off but I still have all the other bills to go with it. Boyfriend saw some bills setting where I usually sit them when I am going to dip into my dissapearing savings and he said “I am going to help you pay bills” and I told him “Thank you I really appreciate that” and he never said anything about paying him back, but I noticed when he prints me a copy of the receipt, he prints himself a copy, too. It is very humiliting that I have to be dependent on him and it makes me feel lower than low. 🙁 Yes, I should do the right thing and pay him back but I have no job and no income so I feel like he will demand payment if/when I break it off. Our differences will NOT be resolved. Am I “Legally” obligated to pay him back? Please be kind, Bees. My best friend from 3rd grade is ready to die from cancer and between that, my no job status and the boyfriend, I seem to cry a lot. I have sent hundredes of resumes/applications, etc and also applied at Temp jobs, fast-food jobs, etc., and turned down for emergency assistance. Go figure, right? What would you do?
Post # 2
sorry you’re in this position. Is there any way your home could accommodate a roommate? From what you’ve written it does not sound like you owe him the money – he did it as a gift.
Post # 3
I am not a lawyer, but my instinct is no, since you never discussed a repayment plan, or agreed that you would give him anything. He chose to do it without promping, and without you agreeing that you would pay him back, and theoretically you might not have agreed to the money had paying him back been a stipulation, so since you weren’t given a “choice”, I say no.
Post # 4
From the way you wrote it, it sounds like he wanted to help you out and it’s NOT a loan. You didn’t have a conversation where he said, “I’ll loan you X amount of money.” And you replied, “Great, thanks. I’ll pay you back $50/month until it’s paid off.” Did you? Is there anything in writing regarding this money, even in emails? I watch a lot of Judge Judy so I’m a pro. :-p Jk. I do hope you can find work soon! My husband was out of work for 4 months and he is older as well. There is definitely agism out there, unfortunately.
Post # 5
If he took it upon himself to pay your bills and there was no agreement about you paying him back, you owe him nothing. Anyone can print off a statement showing they’ve paid something; it means nothing unless there is a written agreement that you’ve agreed to pay him back.
Post # 6
Without an agreement to pay, you’re not legally required to pay him back; however, I’m sure if you ask him, there’s a good chance he is going to magically remember some agreement you made or some statement that made him think it was a loan and not a gift. So you may want to see if you can work out some agreement with him, which is sure to be less stressful than having him drag you to court in an eventual “he said, she said” battle.
Post # 7
Legally, no, it doesnt sound like it as there is no evidence that he did this as a loan. Personally though, I’d just do it whenever I got back on my feet though so that he’d have nothign to hold over me.
Post # 8
you have the above answers but your most important question tight now should be “How will I survive and make it without his help paying my bills?”.
you need a job. Sitting at home applying online wont get you very far. You need to be out at every office/business within a 30 mile radius dropping off resumes, filling out applications. When you drop them off be dressed for an interview and ask when you will be able to schedule an interview (a lot of places will interview when you drop off your resume if they are hiring-not all).
I’m sorry you are in a difficult position and some things are out of your control (like your friends cancer) but others are in your control if you take the initiative.
I’m not being mean, I’m being realistic. Its hard but it has to be done.
Post # 9
She never said she was sitting at home applying online. For all we know she could be out daily handing out resumes.. Honestly it does sound like she’s taking initiative but is stuck in a crappy job market with some bad luck.
Post # 10
Just curious, how long was it between when he paid the bills and when you broke up?
Post # 11
We are still seeing each other and he is still paying the bills while I continue to look for work.
Post # 12
Thank you, Bees for all the comments/advice. Guess I needed the “Boost” from input and I’m going to work even harder to find a job. I am “Torn” with regards to paying him back. Part of me says do it so there will be no problems with him, and part of me says there is nothing in writing/legally….but just like Bee Horseradish said, he could “Magically remember” in a courtroom him helping me was a loan and not a gift. Thanks again, Bees!
Post # 13
Not unless you asked him to loan you the amount of the bills, if he just paid them without discussing a repayment plan than he is out of luck getting any money back.
My ex fiance tried to get me to buy back my engagement ring after we had split up and I had already given it back. I told him that I was not willing to do that and why would I want a ring from a broken engagement ( I actually told him to take the ring back within the return window because I knew the engagement wouldn’t work out and he refused) . Just because you want something to become a loan doesn’t mean it can.
Post # 14
why not talk about it to clarify?
Post # 15
“I have sent hundredes of resumes/applications, etc and also applied at Temp jobs, fast-food jobs, etc”
implies that she did not drop off the majority of her resumes and sent them instead, and only applied at lower end jobs in person.
finding a job in this market requires full effort. OP has been denied emergency assistance so she needs to get a job ASAP now that she has no help with bills.