(Closed) We Broke Up ..Now what to do…

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Well I think it really depends. First, I am proud of you for having the strength to end a relationship that you knew wasn’t right or healthy and for having such a positve outlook on your future! 2nd, do you always seem to get into a new relationship right after breaking up? I have friends who could never really be single, they would just go from one relationship to the next because they didn’t know how to be alone and were trying to fill a void. In those cases I feel taking time to be single and figure out what you really want is the best answer.-But then I also have seen circumstances where a friend has gotten out of a relationship and went right into the next and it turned out to be a wonderful thing. If you feel good about your break up then go for it, if you feel like a mess and need to mourn your relationship then stay single and work on yourself.

Post # 4
368 posts
Helper bee

First of all I’m really sorry even though you left I’m sure it was very hard for you.

I think it really depends. I started dating my SO a few weeks after breaking it off with my ex, and we’ve been together for 5 years. It sounds like you have been over him, and your relationship for awhile. Just be careful, and don’t jump in feet first. I’m sure your coworker will understand that you need to take things slow, and not be too serious. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be monogamous, just make sure you are really ready for another relationship. There is nothing wrong with being alone, and you may need some time to get yourself together.

Post # 5
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@maybe-this: I have been in your situation almost to a tee. I broke up with a guy I had been with for 2 years and living with for 1 year after realizing things were not great and after (I have to admit this part with shame) a few times he got physical during arguements. I ended up leaving him when I became really good friends with a co-worker and learned that there are people out there who can make you feel… normal… I guess is the best word for it.

I ended up starting a relationship with this guy about a month after breaking up with the jerk. We dated for 6 months and then broke up. I always felt like he was just my “transition” and my reason for leaving a bad situation, so I can’t regret it. He also opened me up to the idea that I was a beautiful, wonderful, deserving woman and restored a lot of my confidence. In the same breath, he was clearly a rebound for me and I should have realized that it wouldn’t last.

That all being said, my current SO and I met two months after his ex-wife left him and one month after I ended an already fizzled relationship. We’ve been together for two years, he has a ring and is ready to propose and I have never been so happy. Was one month after my 9 month relationship and two months after his 6 year relationship too soon? Some have said so, but if it is meant to be, I guess it is meant to be!

Post # 6
3799 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Although the breakup was a positive thing, I dont know if jumping into something so soon will end up the way you are hoping. I think the first ‘encounter’ after breaking off a long relationship can either fizzle fast or be pretty long term. The key is to take it slow and enjoy it…don’t put expectations on it in a hurry.

Post # 8
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

@maybe-this:  Thanks for the update! Sounds like you are heading down the right path at the right pace πŸ˜‰

Post # 9
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Right after a relationship ends, it’s fairly easy to pinpoint what was missing in that relationship when it shows up in someone else. Sometimes, it’s made up in our heads – kind of like a fog – and other times it is actually real. 

I would say keep going at it slowly – don’t rush into another relationship because you will end up comparing those two A LOT. You need time to be single and reflect on who you are without a bf. 

Post # 10
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think you are taking the right steps. Its not always right for everyone, but sometimes, it works. My ex and I were together for over 3 years, lived together for 2, and I ran into my husband about 2 months after my ex and I broke up. Granted, we had known each other for years and had a lot of the same friends, so hanging out wasn’t meant to lead anywhere. Fast forward almost 8 years (really, that long already??) and we are happily married and have been together basically since then.

I think taking things really slow is the key with this guy, and it seems like you know that is the way you should go about it. Good luck with everything πŸ™‚

Post # 11
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

No one can tell you what is right for you, only you can!

I met my Fiance on a Sat night at a concert, and Monday night I left my live-in bf. Fiance and I went on our first date a week later, and we are getting married almost 3 years to the day! 

Some people thought it was a little fast, or that he was my “rebound”, but I knew the truth. I had been unhappy with my ex for awhile and was honestly, just over it. I knew the second I met Fiance that he was the one. 

My advice would be to continue to take it slow and get to know each other. You’ll figure it out πŸ™‚ Good luck and keep us posted!!

Post # 12
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Listen to your instincts. Don’t worry about what you’re “supposed” to feel. There’s no rule for this sort of situation.

I met Darling Husband a few months after ending a long-term relationship with the wrong guy. I actually turned him down the first time he requested a date because I felt like I wasn’t supposed to be ready, even though I’d spent the last 6 months of the previous relationship mourning it. I knew it was over before it was actually over. Luckily Darling Husband and I stayed in contact and a month later I realized i wanted to date him…and then shortly after that I knew I wanted to date him for life and here we are!

Post # 13
2759 posts
Sugar bee

I honestly think it depends. I’ll tell you an anecdote to illustrate why:

My best friend was dating a guy in college and they were pretty serious, but she was really unhappy for a majority of the relationship. We moved into an apartment together the summer between school years and a friend of another roommate sublet that roommate’s room. Long story short, he and my best friend fell in love with each other through the course of the summer. Similar to what you went through with your ex, my friend and her ex just weren’t clicking. She tried, but he constantly ignored her as a “test” of how she could handle them being apart (he was home with his parents in another state so their only form of communication was telephone or instant messaging). Though it was a shock to hear she was leaving him and immediately going into a relationship with someone new, it did work out.

The other guy is now her fiancé. They’ve been together over 3 years and are immensely happy. He is a right fit for her, whereas the other guy really, really wasn’t. And ultimately, the other guy is ALSO happier. He was devastated when they broke up, but I know now he realizes they weren’t meant to be (I’m friends with both people still).

However, I think not every story ends so happy. It’s possible that after being starved of the things you need/want for so long, you’re jumping at this guy because he’s giving those things to you. I hope that it would work out, but you should move slowly right now and give yourself some time to heal from your previous relationship. If he really thinks you’re worth it, and it is truly meant to be, he will wait until your head is clear and you’re not just rebounding on him.

Post # 16
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@maybe-this:  good for you.  many people recognize that they need change but it takes a strong person to take the action you did.  as far as time needed, that’s up to the individuals.  you may get some slack from the ‘negative-nellies’ in your life, but timing in this case is not about a certain length of time.  my Fiance and i met accidently in a coffee shop.  we were both just starting to end our former relationships of many years.  was it too soon? if you looked at the calendar, than probably, yes.  however, we had both been emotionally detached from our relationships for so many years, we were both ready to move on and to enjoy a fulfilling relationship with someone who treated us the way we deserved to be treated and to make us feel the way we want to feel.  it sounds like you are now very happy.  good.  that is all that matters.

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