- 3 years ago
- Wedding: March 2017
Sorry…this may get long. I have been friends with someone for about 3 years now. When we met, we became very close very quickly. She was a huge support system for me when I was going through an incredibly emotional and stressful time. For that, I will be forever grateful. I was also single when I met her (in the middle of a divorce) and was able to give her a large portion of my time both in person and on the phone.
However, over the years she has consistently (every 3-6 months) come at me very aggressively and essentially told me how I’m a bad friend, how I am selfish and our entire friendship is one sided. She’s been holding onto very specific instances, small details in our overall relationship, and won’t let them go even after we talk about it and come to a mutual understanding from both sides. This is a big issue for me, because I am very caring to my friends and give quite a bit of myself to be there for them when they’re in need. I am now in a serious relationship, which I wasn’t when she and I became friends, and these issues started when that relationship began. I think she has struggled with my not being as available to her as I once was.
Today, sadly, after 3 years of friendship, I decided to let her go after she started a bunch of drama about a girl’s night I planned for tonight to celebrate my engagement. This should be a super happy, fun event and she is souring it with her issues and drama. I told her I thought it would be best if she didn’t come, so now she won’t be, but I am sad about it and feel like there will be this over-arching feeling of sadness knowing everything that’s gone on in the last two days.
I’ve watched a number of her friendships dissintegrate and implode by her own behavior and unrealistic expectations. She is so super critical of everyone and can’t seem to understand that people are different, so she tries to strong-arm them into being who SHE wants them to be. I’ve also watched a revolving door of men who are NEVER good enough for her no matter what. I’ve come to realize that she cannot accept other people for who they are and that the dynamic was really unhealthy between us. She has been such a big part of my life for the last 3 years.
I really think she needs to look inward and explore what’s going on with her that she pushes everyone away and can’t maintain long term relationships, but she isn’t going to listen to me. I’m just feeling very defeated and wondering if I should even waste my energy trying to help her. This woman was going to be in my bridal party, but I am actually feeling so relieved that this has happened before I’ve really gotten into wedding planning. I have a feeling she would have made the wedding miserable for me because of one reason or another and not feeling like I was doing enough for her.
Thanks for listening, I just needed to vent and would love to hear from people who’ve gone through similar with friends. I know this is the right thing in the long run, but it is hard right now.