- 5 years ago
- Wedding: December 2008
I was friends with Jane and Jill my entire life. We are now in our 30s. Jill and I had a falling out and stopped seeing each other 10 years ago. Jane stayed friends with both me and Jill. Over the years, I grew apart from Jane, partially because she still maintains a relationship with Jill.
I recently had to attend an event with Jane and Jill and it really devastated me to see Jill again and feel the loss of our former friendship. It also broke my heart to see how close Jane and Jill were because I had always been closer to each of them then they were to each other and my absence apparently turned them into best friends. I left the event in tears and was depressed for several weeks afterwards. There is no possibility of Jill and I reconnecting.
I resent Jane because she gets to maintain a friendship with Jill and I don’t, even though I know that it is totally not Jane’s fault. I feel very guilty and sad that I feel this way towards Jane. I know that it’s not fair to her at all, but I also can’t help feeling like this.
I spent my entire adult life feeling lonely and isolated and searching for friends that I could really connect with and, in recent months, I finally found those friends. I’ve been very happy developing my new friendships and, unfortunately, it has driven me further apart from Jane. I honestly just don’t have the spare time to spend with her anymore, and I really don’t want to spend time with her because she is just a painful reminder of my past.
Additionally, Jane only wants to see me during the workweek because she sees her other friends on the weekends. It’s very difficult for me to go out during the week because I am always stressed out when I leave work, but I’ve been seeing Jane during the week for years to accommodate her and I am resenting that as well.
I feel awful about this. Jane has been good to me over the years, but I can’t ignore the fact that there is just something missing between us. Honestly, I’m also a little offended that she can only make time for me during the workweek, but I accept that she has other priorities.
What would you do if you were in my situation? Would you stay friends with Jane out of obligation – simply because she is a great person, you love her like a sister and she doesn’t deserve to be pushed aside even though it means feeling sad every time you see her and sacrificing time with new friends that you truly connect with and have been searching for your whole life?
I want to do right by Jane. She has been burned by friends in the past and I sincerely want her to be happy. Thanks for reading.