(Closed) Breaking up with a friend–please help! (VERY long post)

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
520 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I would just ignore her.  I too don’t like confrontation with people i no longer want in my life (if it was a friend I cared about, I would bring up the issue).  So just ignore her texts, emails, phone calls.  Then when she asks just say “I’ve been so busy” and just leave it at that.

Eventually she’ll fade away.  Blocking her sounds too rough, specially if she doesn’t realize she did something wrong, you know?  Letting her fade out would be the most non-confrotational way. 

 

Post # 34
Member
1102 posts
Bumble bee

Sounds like a good plan! It’s tough to cut someone out of your life, but it’s possible and you will feel so much better afterwards 🙂

Post # 35
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Man I really have friend like that. Not quite on that level but I don’t know how I let her invade my space. She basically takes all my air when she is around. I am ultra polite too and struggle with saying no. But, with someone like you friend. You are going to have to tell her the deal is off. You have to tell her never to contact you again. you are no longer friends because she will keep contacting you if you don’t. She will find a way to bug you if you aren’t very very clear with her. She is surely a piece of work.

Post # 36
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee

The key with a friend like this is to go on the offensive.  That way it isn’t all about her.  It’s about how she hurt and embarrassed you.

Write her a note and tell her that you were horribly embarrassed by the things she said about your brother in front of your parents, and by how she handled the engagement party.  And that you’re having trouble getting over it and you need some time off from the friendship.

That way, you can phase your way out of this toxic relationship!

Post # 38
Member
3450 posts
Sugar bee

WOW! Among other things, that is my first opinion. I would also like to say that, no, you are absolutely NOT out of line for not inviting her to your wedding. I don’t know how I would feel about an acquaintance driving my car from GA to IL for one thing. Also, question that is, you titled this “breaking up with a friend”, is she really a friend for imposing on you and your family? I think Jane is out of line for firstly assuming she is getting and invite and second for deciding to “plan” all these parties. Well, that’s very nice of her and all, but if she doesn’t know you very well (which you state in you OP) it is not in her place to do any of this. Especially if she throws 50 bucks on the fridge again. Hello 2000 is a heck of a lot more then 50!

Post # 40
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee

It’s tough to be assertive and strong, as I have the same issue.  BUT – as I’ve gotten older I have become less tolerant of people like Jane.  You will feel such a huge relief when you actually get her out of your life.  It always helped me to psych myself up and get angry about something someone said or did.  The anger leads to a much more assertive position naturally and I then used my “nice” nature to be polite, but firm.  

Sending you good juju.  🙂

Post # 41
Member
829 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I agree with PP, write her an email explaining your feelings and tell her you do need space.. slowly just fade away and hopefully she gets the point. She obviously has no idea what affect she has on people.

Post # 43
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

She sounds like a very manipulative & a bit unbalanced person.  Personally I would email her your request to leave you alone.  It sounds like she knows she has power over you when talking in person or on the phone.  That way you could get everything out that you want to say without being interupted.

Since she knows where you and your family live, not to mention details about your wedding I would be very careful.   If she knows the exact wedding date, it might be a good idea to change it by a day or change the time.  It would prevent her from at least ruining your special day. 

I can’t stress this enough:

If you feel threatened at all, don’t hesitate to get the cops involved.  She just might be the type to come to your house or wedding.

Post # 44
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Wow she sounds crazy!! I totally agree with pp’s about cutting her out of your life in every way possible. I think sending an e-mail is totally appropriate as if you got her on the phone she would probably try to guilt trip you and manipulate you.

Good luck!

Post # 46
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would definitely e-mail her and NOT call her!  Don’t worry about not being an assertive person–you’re just too nice and don’t want to hurt people’s feelings!  It’s just that this crazy person has attached herself to you and won’t let go!  Good luck!

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