- 5 years ago
Hey everyone, I have been looking at these boards for quite some time and hope to get some advice from you guys.
Something in my relationship does not feel right. I love my boyfriend and have weeks and months where I know without a doubt he is the one. Other days, I have severe doubts about everything and it is starting to take a huge toll on me.
I love being outside, being active, eating healthy, socializing, going out, being around great people. He loves our TV, playstation, golf and getting fast food everynight. This is something that has taken me a really long time to accept. I love him. We were both bio majors in college, and that is really the only thing we have in common. I never used to watch TV and now can tell you everything about kim and kourtney when they take miami (GRR). The couch feels like the only place we hang out together.
My friends have tried to get him to come out with us and their boyfriends but he has no interest. He says he hates drinking and that is his excuse, but a double date is about hanging out not drinking so I can’t see that point. We only have one couple that we ever do anything with, and that is one of his friends from college who he is comfortable with. I am starting to feel very alone without friends. I also am already dreading one of my good friend’s weddings this summer because I am going to be constantly worried about my boyfriend. He will probably not talk to anyone and I am going to have to be attached to him so he doesn’t feel like he is all alone. He also will want to leave ASAP. I hate admitting this, but I am embarassed by his behavior already and what people will think of him. I gush about him to everyone but then they meet him and he does not speak. He only speaks to me, and the only person he shows genuine interest in is me. Which is weird because he excels at his job and can put on a charming show for others when he wants to– he has a great job where he needs to be social all day. He does not keep in contact with any college friends, and the second someone does something to annoy him he just stops answering their calls or texts. It is so easy for him to just cut friends out of his life for their flaws. I guess all these things have been fine, and a while ago I learned to accept these things about him because he treats me wonderfully and I trust him 100%, but I am just wondering if that is enough now?
Also, his mom is super super overbearing and in the past he has treated her terrible. I always thought it was his adult self trying to set up barriers. She was a verrry strict parent and I think he has some issues because of that. However, lately he is starting to lash out at me. His nastiness came out of left field, and I cannot believe some of the things that have come out of his mouth when he gets in these hot head moods. After a couple of hours, he apologizes, we hug, and everything is great for the next couple of weeks. However I feel like he is always covering up his true colors and now he is just trying to be nice to keep me. It has gotten much worse lately.
This morning, he was getting ready for work and could not find any socks that were clean. On saturday I did 6 loads of laundry before leaving to go see one of my friends an hour away so I did not have time to put everything away. He was home the ENTIRE NIGHT AND DAY with alll the clean clothes on the chair in plain view of the couch that he sits in. He could have very easily put these clothes away. He told me “either put the f****** laundry away or don’t wash the clothes at all” because all his work shirts are now wrinkled and he was growling about not finding his socks. I.felt.like.dirt. He was out all morning golfing while I did 4 loads of HIS laundry that I ALWAYS put away and was rushing to get house work done before leaving, and he had the rudeness to say that to me. I told him he is a jerk and started crying and saying he just covers up his jerkiness and his true colors have shown again. He told me I need tougher skin. And I should know he is grumpy in the morning. I told him if you are grumpy keep your mouth shut and he said I should keep my ears shut and I’m taking a little thing he said and turning it into a huge fight because it takes 2 people to fight.
This keeps happening though, and he comes back and apologizes and everything gets dropped. I love him, but the reason I was with him in the beginning was because he was so wonderful to me, and calm, and level headed (which is unlike my dad). I thought I picked a winner because he is the exact opposite of my father, but maybe I picked someone equally as bad in their own special way.
I honestly cannot believe these thoughts are even happening in my head. But they are there, and I have no clue what I should do. We live together. I am a student part time and I honestly cannot afford to move out which makes it even worse that I feel so stuck. ahhh advice?