(Closed) Breaking up with boyfriend that you live with?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m so sorry you’re having such a tough time. It seems you and your boyfriend are very different people. Would either of you consider couples counseling sessions to improve your relationship? If you feel like the relationship really isn’t working you may have to consider trying to move out. Do you have family or friends that could help you out? It does seem like he has some things he needs to work through. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.

Post # 4
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

Wow. I would really rethink how happy you will be giving up the things you like to do in favor of the things he likes to do, and vice versa. You two sound so different, and it seems to be taking its toll on the relationship. Have you tried developing new interests that you can both enjoy?

Post # 7
Member
3042 posts
Sugar bee

@soconfused1314:  you are not happy and you are not with your soul mate. make a plan to leave- stay with a friend or your parents. i don’t think counseling will help in this situation- it’s a personality thing. you need someone more outgoing and lively. he needs a couch potato, home body. get going!

Post # 8
Member
1509 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yikes! You guys sound like polar opposites. It’s time to sit down and have a chat about expectations of each other and see if you can come to a compromise. If not it might be time to  try counselling. It sounds like everything is his way or not at all and thats not fair to you! Sometimes we do need to toughen up when our SO is in a grumpy mood and know it isnt us, but in your case this sounds like it happens quite frequently and that is not okay and def. not “your” problem alone.

I hope you can work things out but if he is unwilling to work on things, then it might be time to head your seperate ways.

Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
718 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I could probably deal with personality differences and would go out without him, but I could NOT put up with that laundry fight.  Nope that’d be the end for me.  If I did my FI’s laundry (and if I’m being honest he usually does the laundry) he would never ever complain about it not being put away.  He’d be so happy I washed it! That just shows your boyfriend isn’t grateful for anything you’re doing around the house.  I’m couldn’t live with someone that expected me to do 100% of the housework, relationship or not.

Post # 10
Member
3086 posts
Sugar bee

I’m going to be honest, I don’t think you need counseling, I think you guys have outgrown your relationship. I went through it with someone I lived with, we grew apart, but we cared about each other so we stayed in it. Then he ended up cheating, and becoming increasingly meaner until I found out about the cheating and made him move out. It sounds like you are just done, and if you are happier without him, and pursuing someone more compatible, there’s no sense in dragging things out. I’m sorry 🙁

Post # 11
Member
3086 posts
Sugar bee
Post # 12
Member
2420 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I don’t think any amount of couples counseling woud solve this. I really think that you’re relationship has run its course and you have grown to be two completely different people who are no longer compatiable. Make a plan. Stay with a friend or lose familiy member. I’m sorry this is happening to you 🙁

Post # 13
Member
4153 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

If the only issue was that you have different interests, I would say it would be something you can definitely work through.  From my own experience, I have taken on some of my husband’s interests, and vice versa.  We are still quite different, but we can share some of these common interests and still have some other ones to enjoy on our own.

But when you went on to tell us about the verbal abuse…I didn’t like that.  If you really feel like you want to make things work, counselling would be a good idea, but honestly, it sounds like you might be better off parting ways.

Post # 14
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

This is EXACTLY like the situation one of my best friends is in…the extra twist to the story is they’ve only been going out for 4 months, living together for 2 and are in Australia (where he is from) before her visa runs out in a couple of months and they are coming back to the UK together.

 

Personally, as a proactive person like yourself (and my friend) I couldn’t handle being with someone who didn’t enjoy the same activities as me (not even 100% of everything, but at least something you enjoy doing together) and just sat about on the sofa.  Similarly with the washing/housework, he should be thankful that you did so much washing (you must be superwoman!) if you do decide to go to couples councelling I’d suggest as part of your ongoing relationship you discuss the division of housework?  It doesn’t even need to be a 50/50 split (I don’t actually mind doing chores so do probably about 75%, but Mr Scottie knows that he has to at least clean up after himself, i.e. clothes in the washing basket, dishes in the kitchen even if 90% of the time I actually clean them)

 

Hope everything works out ok for you 🙂

 

 

Edit: didn’t see initially your comments about verbal abuse, that’s a step too far and you should get out of there!  You need to have some respect for yourself and know when you’re not being treated the way you deserve.  Yes it’ll be more difficult because you’re living there, and it’ll suck for a bit – but see when you meet the person that treats you like the princess that you are, you’ll realise that it was worth it!

Post # 15
Member
11239 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@whitums:  This. I was in this situation, though my ex was very much emotionally abusive and manipulative/controlling. I had to make a plan of action because I was so scared to leave. I ended up getting an apartment with a friend and moving out while he was at work and then telling him that I was leaving. 

I suggest you leave. Make a plan, find a place to stay, pack your stuff, and go. You are unhappy and nothing that he does is going to change that–he isn’t going to change.

Post # 16
Member
6207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I think that if you think of him in this way, it’s not the right relationship for you, unfortunately. You can find someone who is better suited to your lifestyle.

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