Breaking Up With The Nice Guy – UGH

posted 6 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
4473 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

But…he’s not the world’s sweetest man.  He demanded you stay home with you when you had a careeer opportunity.  His finances are crap and you have to baby him and teach him about everything.  He gets someone who takes care of him and who teaches him how to do things, like a second mom, but you feel like you are having to take care of him and aren’t in love with him anymore.  Which is understandable!  No one wants to walk with their SO step by step and teach them how to be an adult.

I think you know the answer to this.  You aren’t into it anymore.  It’s time to move on.

Post # 3
Member
1770 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Laydeeofsong :  why have you strung him along for the past 3 years if you’re just not that into him? you need to break up NOW, for both of your sakes. it’s not fair to him if you’re not feeling it. he might be a nice guy, but you’re not treating him nicely by continuing to just go along with this relationship that you’re really not emotionally committed to.

Post # 5
Member
6682 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

I didn’t read your long post because.. it doesn’t matter.  If you want out, you want out.

I broke up with a nice guy because I fell out of love with him–it devastated me.  I sobbed more over him than any other break up, because I felt like such a terrible person for doing that to him, and I was so worried I’d made a mistake.

I did not make a mistake, and honestly.. in retrospect he had some pretty legit flaws that led to be falling out of love with him.  I’m not saying that meant he was a bad person.. but I think when the guilt has lifted you see things a little bit more clearly.

In any case–you’re not in love, so get out.  If possible, find somewhere you can move out to (it’s way harder to make them leave: my BFF recently broke up with her boyfriend who was also nice/did nothing wrong and he had to be the one to move as her parents were the landlords.. he took over 3 months to leave.).. be ready to move once you tell him:  the faster you rip that bandaid off, the faster everyone can move on.  

 Oh? And BFF and I are both way better off now than before.  And both our SO’s are sweet guys–turns out, if your thing is sweet guys, you’ll find another sweet guy: just now you know the flaws that are dealbreakers to you.

Post # 6
Member
6336 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Lola's Trailer Park

Pull the band-aid off and just do it. This isn’t fair to either one of you.

Post # 8
Member
1770 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Laydeeofsong :  it’s hard to do, but just keep in mind that even though it might not feel this way (and he might not realize it right now) that it’s actually the kindest thing you can do for him

Post # 9
Member
1611 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Money, sex… 2 of the top things that break up marriages. If you’re not compatible then you are not compatible.

Post # 10
Member
5316 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

I think a lot of people feel like they need to have all these specific reasons for breaking up. But the truth is: you don’t! It doesn’t feel right to you and that’s all that matters. Don’t continue on in a relationship you’re not happy with just because you can’t think of one solid concrete reason to actually break up. 

Post # 11
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I mean, whether he’s nice or not, whether he’s an Ivy League grad or a garbage man, it doesn’t matter–if you’re not feeling it, let him go. It’s the kindest thing you can do for both of you. Breakups suck even when they end on good terms, but the sooner you’re honest with yourself and with him, the sooner you both can go about your lives. 

Now that you know he’s not ‘the one,’ there’s no reason to stay together. Don’t waste your time or his. 

Post # 12
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

I broke up with a nice guy, a really really nice guy who my family loved and who was unfalteringly supportive and by my side through everything, because I just wasn’t in love with him. There were some other issues too, kind of similar to the ones you mentioned (things like he grew up in a bubble and didn’t know anything about life or the world and it was kind of exhausting to teach him, my ambitions were bigger than his and our future plans didn’t really line up, etc). But it took me a long time (longer than it should have) to come to terms with the fact that I didn’t love him the way that I wished I did and to finally break things off, because I kept hoping I’d have a change of heart. It was a rough time, and I had serious doubts both before and after the breakup because he was SO NICE and I knew he would have loved me and treated me so well forever. But he just wasn’t the one. And that’s okay. 

After over-correcting and dating someone who was NOT nice in any sense of the word and was in fact emotionally abusive and angry and downright awful, I found another super nice guy. It’s funny, because he’s really similar to my first ex in a lot of ways, but he doesn’t have the problems that bothered me so much about my ex. And, more importantly, I am so so in love with the guy I’m with now. It makes a world of difference, truly. I’m SO glad that I didn’t settle for nice guy #1 just because he was nice, and that I found someone equally as nice who makes me happier and who I can’t get enough of. 

Everyone deserves to love someone with all their heart, and be loved by someone with all their heart. You aren’t getting the former, and your boyfriend isn’t getting the latter. Let him go and find another nice guy who you’re more compatible with — he’s out there, I promise. 

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