- 2 weeks ago
- Wedding: July 2019
I had gone to the same hairdresser for over 12 years and also considered her my friend. Up until about 7 or 8 months ago.
The last couple of years I went to her I was increasingly unhappy with the service and outcome of my hair. On my last visit, I tried a new color and felt a burning sensation on my scalp as she was applying it. When she was drying my hair she asked me if I had noticed I had a large bald spot in the back of my hair. I hadn’t. She told me it looked like an alopecia spot and was likely “stress.” It completely grew back and I am not sure it was something that happened there or not…
My fiance noticed several times and commented that my looked unhealthy and “fried” when I would come back from the salon. I had completely singed ends one time from a way too hot iron. She was also always preoccupied, on her phone a lot, etc.
I know a bit about her personal life and for the last couple years she has been in an unhealthy and abusive relationship. During that time is when her work started noticeably declining (although now that I see a great stylist, I realize her work was never that good to begin with). She became pregnant last summer and decided to stay with the boyfriend, after an incident where he struck her in the face and was arrested, and that was around the last time I saw her. My mom was also going to her, and informed me recently that the owner of the salon mentioned that he may be firing her due to “many client complaints, and her constant texting and calls and coming late or not showing.”
All of that said, I feel really bad for what she is going through. I tried, unsuccessfully, to convince her to leave the guy a few times when she would vent to me. I didn’t go to her baby shower because it was a jack and jill and I did not want to see her boyfriend. I just dropped a gift off at the salon. I have really been keeping my distance (which has been easy because she was pregnant and preoccupied) and I found a new stylist who I love and does great work.
Now for the hard part. Over a year ago when my now fiance and I were talking about getting engaged and planning a wedding, I told her she would be doing my hair (and my mom’s hair) for the wedding. She has recently texted me asking when we will have the trial. I had already decided to book my new hairdresser for the day of the wedding.
I do not want to hurt her, she has a newborn now and I know she has been through a lot of hardship. I already sent a save the date months ago, addressed to just her, as I do not want the boyfriend there. I need to kindly tell her I do not need my hair done (not sure if I should just tell her I am doing it myself… white lie, it is a simple style… or fess up that I found someone else) and I also need to decide if I will extend the invite to her awful boyfriend when it comes time to send the invitations or just invite her. I just can’t forgive him for what he did to her and I really do not want him around.
I know this sounds stupid, but I was loyal to her for many years and I just feel bad about it. I really do not know what to say or how to have this conversation, as I know she had a rough pregnancy and birth, was dealing with financial issues and a terrible guy who she would be far better off without. It feels like kicking someone when they are down…