Breaking up with your hairdresser.

posted 3 months ago in Emotional
Post # 2
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

averyj :  “hey, I’m really sorry but I’ve decided to go with someone else for my hair trial. You’ve had so much going on and I didn’t want you worrying. I’d much rather have you at my wedding as my friend than my hairdresser and hopefully this way you can let your hair down (pun not intended) and have a good time. You deserve a night off.”

If she comes back with she wouldn’t have minded or could do with the work, just say you’ve already paid a deposit!

As for the boyfriend, I really emphasise. My bridesmaids partner is horrible. He’s emotionally abusive to her. I had to invite him because she’s not ready to leave him yet. Not inviting him makes a clear statement about your feelings about him and in my case, he’d have used that as an excuse to further isolate her.

Post # 3
826 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

You haven’t been to her in 7 or 8 months she knows you get your hair done by someone else trust me. I am a hairstylist. When we don’t see our regular clients we know. So I would suggest you not lie to her tell her the truth. It may hurt her but if she finds out that you did lie to her (and she will one day) that will hurt her more. 

Post # 4
4252 posts
Honey bee

Is she actually a friend? Or is she your hairdresser with whom professional boundaries have been broken? In other words do you hang out, go to each other’s houses, have dinner and catch up, call each other up and talk about each other’s day? Or is this someone who you had friendly banter with while sitting in her chair getting a haircut and friendly banter morphed into divulging too much about each of your personal lives and blurred the line between business and friendliness?

If it is the latter, and I think you need to start putting boundaries back in place and reframing this relationship. You need to start pulling back on your Communications with her, and stop being as involved in her personal life.  She may have poor boundaries as a professional, but that doesn’t mean you should let it continue. I’ve been with my hairdresser for about a decade, and while I know that she recently broke up and started online dating and she knows about my boyfriend and whatever stupid s*** blew up at work that week that I happen to see her, we certainly don’t know intimate details and we mostly talk about television. Friendly is not the same as friend. Also, there’s a reason why they say you should never mix family and friends with business. So if she really is your friend then you should sever the business relationship.

I get that she has a difficult life, some of it self-selected, but the reality is this is a business decision and you are a customer. There’s no reason to tell her lies.

Post # 6
1123 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA

I’m a fan of honesty, rather than trying to spare feelings by not being truthful. The truth has a way of coming out, eventually, and then the person you were trying to spare ends up even more hurt that you lied on top of everything else. I also really don’t understand people’s general aversion to being straightforward and honest.

“Just wanted to let you know that I’ve decided to work with a different hairdresser, as I’m sure you’ve noticed I haven’t been in your chair for the past several months, and wanted to let you know that’s why. This new hairdresser will also be doing my hair for the wedding, since I feel we work better together and her work is more in line with what I’m looking for. I appreciate you as a friend, and hope the end of our client/hairdresser relationship won’t affect that. I also do hope you will attend my wedding as my friend, but do not feel comfortable having your boyfriend attend with you, given his abusiveness toward you. If you don’t want to attend or remain friends because of this, I understand, and wish you all the best.”

Good luck, Bee!

Post # 7
385 posts
Helper bee

I would go with what the above bee said. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I’ve decided I would really like you to be there as a friend and not stress, so I have hired a different stylist”
She may very well be offended by this and decide to not come. No offence to you or her but it doesn’s sound like this would be a big loss to you. If your friendship/aquaintanceship ceased would that really be distressing for you? 

Post # 8
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

She was definitely in the wrong when she texted you. You don’t owe her anything even if she is your friend. If she is friendly with your mom I would explain it to her too that she isn’t doing your hair to avoid any weird situations. Be upfront about it, but kind. If you try to lie about it to her in any way I think it will just be more awkward then it really is.

Post # 9
1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2019 - USA

averyj :  I had to break up with my stylist of 10yrs because she just got too comfortable and I always left with the same haircut and color. I was generally kind of lukewarm for a few years with her, but the final straw that made me switch was when she came into work after a tooth extraction and clearly was not on her game, she messed up my color and I was pretty much done after that. I gave her the opportunity to fix it but it just wasn’t what I wanted and cemented my decision to leave.

I searched salons in my area and booked an appointment for a shampoo and blowout with another stylist to see if I liked her. It was a great way to test out a stylist and see how they treat your hair, and it doesn’t waste their time with a consult since you’re paying for service. We did a color consult during the shampoo and I ended up booking her- couldn’t be happier with her work!! I’d also seen her color portfolio on instagram so I booked the shampoo with her based on that too. 

If you go to your long-time stylist really often (once every 2 months or so), then you should probably tell him/her that you’ve found another stylist and thank them for their years of service – a simple email would be just fine. You don’t have to sugarcoat or justify your choice to leave because YOU are the one paying for services and it’s your choice who you book! If she asks any questions just tell her that it’s nothing personal, but you just found another stylist that aligns a little more with your vision. But if you don’t go super often to her, then you don’t have to say goodbye at all. I only went to my stylist like twice a year so I didn’t feel a need to “cut ties”. 

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