- 6 years ago
I used to be on the Bee ages ago, planning my wedding to my ex husband. Then he cheated, left me, and we divorced. After the dust had settled, I started dating again. I’ve been with the current guy for 5 months now.
He broke up with me last night.
Our relationship was very strong, healthy. We had good communication, we argued well (but not frequently). We both feel very strong for the other. His friends like me, my friends like him. The sex was good and getting better. We have very similar religious views/morality/values/life trajectories/world views. We have had no major conflict, and are both very considerate of the others’ feelings. Even in the breakup, he made it about wanting the best for me.
See, his job is going to take him overseas for a year, starting the end of the summer. He knew about it before we started dating, but said once that he didn’t expect to meet anyone he liked so much, as he’s been single/only casually dating for over 2 years before meeting me.
He broke up with me last night, saying that he doesn’t think he will have the energy to invest into a relationship while he is gone. He thinks I deserve the opportunity to be with someone who can spend time with me, invest in me, etc. He asked if we could stay friendly, which I said no to. I am falling in love with him, and want to be his girlfriend, not his friend.
Maybe because it is so raw, but I really want to contact him and ask for another chance. One of my guy friends recommended a well reasoned email, that he can take time to think about and respond to, explaining my side of things. Right now, I don’t want to be with anyone else. I would rather scale back our relationship and go into distance without any major expectations of one another, but still getting to be in each others’ lives, than to lose him. I think (and my friend agrees) that he is mostly afraid to get hurt if we were to break up while he is gone. At least this way, he can control it. My friend thinks he wanted to stay friendly in hopes of dating me when he returns, fourteen months from now.
The nature of his job is such that during that year, he won’t have much opportunity to date, so I don’t think it’s that he wants to be free and clear while he’s gone.
What do you think? Should I send him an email and try to fight for our relationship? Or just let it go, mourn the loss of one of the best men I have ever known, and hope I can move on and find someone else who suits me so well?