(Closed) Breakup Advice & Support – please?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

First off, I’m really sorry to hear about your break up 🙁 HUGS!!

Now as far as advice goes, I’m speaking from personal experience- SURROUND yourself with friends/ family.. My close girl friends are my rock & they were there for some pretty tough times. They will help to make you laugh when you don’t even want to smile! Secondly, let yourself be sad & cry- you are hurting- but after you let it out, don’t look back! Do things that make you happy, go on a daycation or take a little trip.. anything to keep you preoccupied. I discovered alot of new things about myself after a rough break up.

Best of luck to you girl.. Keep your head up! His loss is someone else’s gain.

Post # 4
Member
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think I read a couple of your posts about your situation. So sorry that you’re going thorugh this! Lots of hugs…

My advice for a breakup would be to really focus on yourself. Spend some money on yourself – new clothes, a new haircut. I know those things are superficial, but they’ll help you feel a little bit better and a little bit new. Do some of the things that you weren’t doing when you were in a relationship – go out with the girls, go for lunch alone with a book, take a class. If you are able to, go away for a weekend with a friend. Do things for yourself.

Post # 5
Member
46590 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s hard. Many of us have had to go through a difficult breakup, whether it was our choice or not.

I can remember nights crying and clutching a pillow, then putting on my “ok” face and going to work.

There is nothing that is going to make it easier except the passage of time.

As a pp has said, surround yourself with people who love you- do things you love to do.

Nights can be the hardest when you are alone, so see if you can schedule new activities or volunteer work for the evenings.

Time wounds all heels but fortunately also heals all wounds.

Post # 6
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I totally agree with LissaBaby’s advice. Be with people who make you smile, but who will also let you cry. I’m not one for the whole “be stoic” thing, just feel what you need to feel. It’s sad! Gutwrenching! You need to go through all those emotions to get over to the other side.

My only other words of advice for getting through this are to try not to obsess. One of my best friends went through a bad break up and she became a little crazy obsessed with the whole thing, it was not a good scene. Get to be you again, not you as one half of a unit, or the you who was known as that guy’s girlfriend. Don’t let the break up define you. It got to the point where it was all she could think about, talk about… She lived it every second, couldn’t eat or sleep. Let me tell you, after four months that’s just not healthy. Don’t be that guy.

Soon enough hon an hour’s going to go by that you won’t think of it. And you’ll realize, wow that felt good. Then a few days later it’ll be a couple of hours. And eventually it’ll be a whole day. And then you’ll probably relapse and be miserable with yourself for a while, but everyone does that, and you’ll be stronger for it. You’ll get through it hon. We’re here for you.

((hugs))

Post # 7
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@PrairieGirl:  I have to agree… you really need to focus on yourself.. big time!  The more you love YOU, the more you’ll realize that he wasn’t good enough for you and you’ll realize what a favor you did yourself by cutting him loose.  You definitely can’t wallow in your sorrows and sit around remembering the good times. 

My last breakup was about a year and a half ago… and honestly, I didn’t shed one tear for him.  I felt more relieved that anything.  He was an a-hole and I’d already cried enough.. he’d taken me to the point that I really felt nothing when I let him go for the last time.  It sounds crazy, but everytime I thought of anything remotely good about our relationship, I immediately reminded myself of the bad stuff.  I even kept voicemails/texts that were full of lies that he’d told me.. just so I’d have proof of his evilness any time I’d think of something good about him or our relationship.

Contrary to the hype, being single is not a bad thing.. enjoy it because Mr. Right will be here before you know it.  Go out and have some fun.. start a new hobby, make new friends, take a class, volunteer for a good cause.  The options are endless.

Post # 8
Member
5667 posts
Bee Keeper

Follow Mr. Bee’s “Backup Plan.” No really! His suggestions are exactly what helps move past your breakup! It’s all about doing things for yourself.

“1) Pretend in your mind that you’ve just been through a breakup.  

What would you do after a breakup?  You’d probably cut your hair, join the gym, start meeting up with girlfriends more.  

2) Start focusing on your own interests, especially if you’ve been super focused on the relationship.  

Make it a point to meet with other people: meet up with your girlfriends more, go to book readings, check out that new restaurant you’ve been meaning to go to but your SO never wanted to go to – go with a friend instead.

3) Invest in yourself.

Buy that DSLR you’ve been thinking about getting, and take that Photoshop class you’ve been considering.  Get that gym membership, and go every day even if you don’t feel like it.”

Time helps. Surround yourself with friends and make sure you’re taking care of you. <3

Post # 9
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Meet-up.com is a great way to try out new things on your own or with other people who are likely in the same circumstances you are. My friend that went through the bad break up has joined a couple groups and is really enjoying it. She felt like she was really alone because the majority of her friends are married or in serious relationships and she was terrified about being the one single girl. I honestly think it’s what got her over the hump in getting through the break up. Now I get to hear about book club rather than some other evidence of ______ that she discovered through FB. We’re all much happier 🙂

Post # 10
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m sorry you’re going through this!  I think one of the most important things you can do is let yourself grieve.  Otherwise, you’ll have a harder time getting over it.  It’s OK to be upset and it’s OK to cry and it’s OK to lean on someone else.  Think of something you never did because you were too busy and do it!  Get a kitty cat.  🙂

Post # 11
Member
5388 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

*Hugs* Although I’ve never had a bad breakup, I have experienced heart break and it almost broke me. Only my faith, hubby, parents, and time helped me get thru it. It really helped me to be able to talk to someone about it. It also helped that I had hope. I knew that also long as I was alive there was hope that things would end up better than before. Good luck! I always believe that things work out for the best. 

Post # 12
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Cry. Get it out and cry. Before Mr. Tattoo I had a terrible breakup. I would even wish it on my worst enemy. I was seriously in physcial pain. I would smile during the day and come home and just cry myself to sleep. It’s a loss. You have to grieve. Once you are done, dorce yourself to get out there. I did so many things alone. I went to the movies, had dinner, walked through the park, ect. I chopped off all of my hair, started to workout, hang out with my friends more ect. 

The best advice that I can give you is that you will be okay. No matter how much it hurts right now, it’s not going to kill you and you will be okay. There may be times when you feel okay one minute and then cry the next. That’s fine. Do it. Cry over a bowl of ice cream while watching Beaches. Just do it. Once you get it all out and you hit bottom, there is nowhere else to go but up. *hugs* 

Post # 13
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

When I went through a bad breakup one of the hardest things for me to deal with was the lack of closure.  I’m not 100% sure of exactly what happened with you and your ex, but I know that as women we rarely get the satisfaction we want, and we rarely get all our questions answered. Personally i think that besides the heartache of losing a person that you are/were in love with, the lack of closure is the hardest thing.  

So what I did was write dozens of letters to him, where i asked all my questions and expressed everything to him that i didn’t get the chance to say in person.  It helped to really drain my brain of everything i was thinking, and it felt really cathartic to burn all the letters when i was feeling a bit better. 

I also got really into baking, and started making ever more elaborate things that i would give away to friends and family.  It helped keep me distracted and now I make a bit of money on the side with the skills I acquired!

xx good luck – you’ll get through it!

Post # 13
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Everyone here has given you the best advice that I could give. Spend time with friends and family, do for you, and cry when needed.  Eventually, you will get to a point where it doesn’t hurt anymore, and you can finally start to move on

Post # 14
Member
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

This part is the worst, I promise.  Soon, it won’t hurt so much, and soon you won’t think of him as much.  Even though I’m sure you want to, do not talk to him.  It will not make anything better.  That’s the mistake I made when I broke up with my ex of more than 2 years.  It’s okay to hurt, and it’s okay to miss him.  But you know why you had to end the relationship, and in the long run, you will be okay.  You’ll be great.  You’ll eventually meet someone else, but more importantly you can really figrue out who you want to be and what you want to do with your life.  You’re so young, and you have so much ahead of you.  Maybe if it’s financially feasible, plan a trip.  Get away from your surroundings and go do something amazing.  You’ll start making new memories.  But trust me…this is the worst part, and it will get better. 

Post # 15
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

one day at a time. do simple things to take care of yourself like eating a nice meal.  don’t expect yourself to feel anything but sadness for a while.  your body needs time to grieve.  Good luck hun.

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