Post # 17
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
I don’t think a woman breastfeeding a newborn should be forced to leave her baby with a stranger. I also don’t think a woman breastfeeding a newborn should be attending a wedding that isn’t child friendly if it isn’t for an extremely close friend or relative. Not all events are family-friendly, and not every couple getting married intends for the wedding to be a child-friendly event. Sometimes you just have to make a judgment call. If your baby isn’t welcome, you don’t have to go.
Post # 18
FutureKMM – the nursing mothers can hire or bring a babysitter that they DO know – it’s a nice thing for bride’s to offer babysitting, but it’s not their responsibility. If a new mom is invited to a wedding and doesn’t want to RSVP no, they have to figure out a way to RSVP yes that fits the event. My suggestion was to bring a nanny or family member not associated with the wedding to watch the kid.
Post # 19
ETA I do think its different when talking about not allowing a friend/aquaintace’s newborn at the wedding and not allowing a family members new baby to the wedding. I think that most bees have much more understanding when its a family members baby, especially that of the immediate family.
Post # 20
I guess i don’t believe that exceptions need to be made in these cases. If the bride and groom are set on an adults only reception, and the new mother doesn’t feel up to leaving their baby with a sitter, then they don’t come. No one is forcing another person to attend a social function, I assume, so that’s certainly an option. And if the bride/groom throw a hissy fit about the mother not attending, tell them to blow it up their *nose.*
Post # 21
There is no requirement to attend a wedding and no entitelement for the hosts to make it easy for you to attend a wedding. An invitation is just an invitation. I’ve been invited to weddings I couldn’t possibly make for one reason or another, it didn’t make me mad. So if the rules are no babies and you have a newborn you aren’t willing to leave with someone else (your husband, mother, friend, grandfather, random babysiter) you’ve been invited to a wedding you can not attend – simple solution is to RSVP no.
If the bride is mad at your for declining – that’s not very understanding or nice of her.
But I think in the vast majority of the cases if the bride and groom don’t want to make an exception for your newborn… they probably don’t really really want you there. And that’s okay! They aren’t required to find your presence important. You aren’t required to prioritize their wedding over what’s important to you.
But historically and globally speaking mothers leave their newborns all the time (with trusted people of course if by choice). It’s not an unusual thing except in certain narrow societies. Certainly there are plenty of women in the U.S. today who have to go back to work while there’s a newborn at home (if newborn – six months).
So while I see the difference in having babies versus toddlers attending I also see that not wanting babies at a wedding is as valid as not wanting toddlers.
Post # 22
I see both sides and think it’s an individual decision (well, bride and groom) on whether to allow infants, children or anybody else to their wedding. We had three out-of-state friends of my hubby come to our wedding (each with a toddler) and we hired a babysitter (referred by a co-worker) to watch the three toddlers in a hotel room at our wedding (for ceremony and most of the reception). The three mothers were able to go visit/check on the kids whenever they wanted. It worked out beautifully. Now, had any of the toddlers been infants/breast-feeding, I’m not sure what we would have done. I also am “one of those brides” who did not want any crying during the ceremony/reception. I love kids (we are ttc in a few months) but I wanted my ceremony to be child-free and my hubby agreed.
This is a personal decision for all. There is no right or wrong. I agree you cannot tell a nursing mother to leave their baby at home or with a babysitter. But at that same time, if the bride/groom don’t want a baby/child at the wedding, that is perfectly OK in my book. I think the best solution (if it works) is to have a recommended babysitter on site to watch they baby/child IF (and only if) all sides agree. Otherwise, the mother will have to miss the wedding (if bride/groom don’t want children there). I think everybody has valid points on this issue…I think we can all agree that no mother should be “forced” to leave a baby.
Post # 23
I’ve seen these posts too. I think the problem comes when your sister, Future Sister-In-Law, best friend, bride’s maid, etc. has a nursing newborn baby, and the couple expects the woman to come without the baby. I think that is totally ridiculous.
Post # 24
Thank you all for not hating Others phrased it much better than me!
It’s a personal decision both on the host’s behalf and on the mother’s behalf.
I can understand being upset if someone who was in the wedding party/essential to the wedding who had a newborn and was breast feeding was forced to leave the child. But I think most brides are negotiable when it’s close family members.
Y’all have a good day!
Post # 25
I think it’s a bit dissapointing when it’s a close friend or relative. I had one friend and also seen it quite a few times on here that were jealous of a newborn niece or nephew that might take away their spotlight. I can see if it’s just an acquantaince making accomadations for a newborn might not be a top priority, but for a bridesmaids or family member, it just seems like common courtesy to work with them instead of against them. I know I barely get to see my college or grad school friends anymore and a lot of my extended family not even once a year, it would be dissapointing to travel far and have a new baby banned. It just seems like if their a bridesmaids or groomsmen or family you can figure out how to make them comfortable, even if the baby isn’t there the whole time. And as far as our family is concerned I can only imagine it causing a bit of judgement against whoever was marrying into the family. It might sound mean but I know my family and they would interpret it as being too self-centered.
Post # 26
- Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden
I agree with @SouthernTulip as well. And @Arachna.
Some weddings are adults only. And if that’s the case, and a mother is unable or unwilling to leave her baby at home, then she doesn’t have to attend. Period. I also agree that the bride doesn’t have the right to get mad about it, though. We are having an adults-only wedding, and if anyone has a problem with not bringing their kid, they can stay home, and I won’t resent them.
I have to say, though, until I joined Weddingbee, I’d never, ever even heard of this being an issue. I have a lot of friends with babies, and none of them had a problem going out for a few hours without their baby if they had a sitter. They’d just pump a few bottles worth of breast milk and leave them with a trusted family member.
Mothers have to leave breastfeeding newborns at home all the time. Lots of mothers have jobs. I don’t hear any of those women claiming that they can’t work because they are breastfeeding.
Post # 27
I agree with Angela83. I think if you have a close friend or family member with a newborn – I think the only fair choices are really to have them their with baby or to not expect them to come. One of my BMs is bringing her newborn. Her hubby will have the baby during the ceremony – if he/she cries he’ll take them out but the great part of newborns is that basically they sleep all the time!!
Post # 28
@Angela83 – Exactly! I am much more understanding of a B&G saying “no” to bring a nursing newborn when it’s an aquantaince / long lost distant cousin, etc who is requesting. Unfortunately, those people will just have to decline and I’m sure won’t be too terribly upset about missing the event as they aren’t that close to the B&G anyway.
But when it’s your Bridesmaid or Best Man, sister, Future Sister-In-Law, etc – how can you expect your immeadiate family or best friend to choose between your wedding and their baby? Your Bridesmaid or Best Man (who potentially got pregnant after being asked and didn’t know when they accepted the position that they’d have a newborn) or your sister or Future Sister-In-Law can’t really just decide to decline your invitation. They’re really stuck between a rock and a hard place when a B&G expect them to just not bring their baby.
Post # 29
@dandadelphia- most breast-feeding mothers get maternity leave for at least 6 weeks though.
Post # 30
- Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden
@Angela83 – That’s true, but don’t most mothers breastfeed for longer than 6 weeks?
Post # 31
@danadelphia and Angela83 – Most companies are required by law to allow you take at least 12 weeks of unpaid maternity leave. But that doesn’t mean that all new moms are comfortable leaving their babies at that point (I wouldn’t be – why I won’t be working anymore once I have kids) or that all 3-month-olds take a bottle well even if the mother pumps. And some of the posts I’ve seen are refering to newborns younger than this even!