(Closed) Breast-Feeding Babies and Weddings …. Personal Vent

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 62
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee

Oh I agree with that too sera.  I have a friend who told me their kid was too young for manners after I had my food smashed and a fork thrown at my head.  Luckily, she’s a dear friend and we accept each other and realize we’re both learning. I had her kid saying please by the end of the meal instead of squashing my meal when he wanted something but would have been seriously reconsidering my friendship with her if she expected me to sit there and say nothing, though I’ve definatley met people like that.

Post # 63
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I think if you want to have an “adult” wedding you shouldnt of asked a new mom anyways, and then to suggest she leave her new born so you can have an adult party is rude! You know if your wedding is family friendly or not, either dont invite them or let them bring the baby. I personaly laugh at these ppl who think babies are lttle devils sent to “ruin” thier wedding, I believe these ppl aren’t mature enough to be getting married and HAHA wait til you have a kid!!

Post # 64
Member
1656 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

lulz

just because someone doesn’t like babies doesn’t mean they aren’t mature enough to be getting married. some people don’t like kids and don’t want to have them. to each her own.

Post # 65
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

I recently had to decline an invitation to a wedding b/c I was told that the wedding & reception were adult only.  My son is breastfeeding & won’t take a bottle, so I am not able to leave him behind.  I am also flying across the U.S.& no family members would be there that would be able to watch him.  That being said, the bride was nice about it & explained that if she made an exception for me, she would have to make an exception for everyone else & they simply couldn’t do that b/c of size & cost.  She also offered information for babysitting services provided by the hotel (which is great, but I was not comfortable leaving my child with someone I don’t know).  I was very upset that I would miss the wedding, as we had been friends since grade school.  That being said, I completely understand that she can’t just pick & choose who can bring children, it just wouldn’t be fair to your guests.  It won’t be the first time that I have missed something b/c of my children & certainly won’t be the last, but I’m ok with that, just a little sad that I am going to miss out on my friend’s special day.

Post # 66
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

Sorry but who are these newborn babies who sleep all the time and never cry? I have a newborn now (11 weeks old!). The first month she hardly slept more than six hours a day; when she wasn’t breastfeeding or sleeping she was crying. Loudly. And yes she would go from being completely calm to screaming within a second. Now she sleeps more but cries plenty. And I would not take her to anywhere crowded for fear of germs!

I got married  14 months ago and it was adults-only. I didn’t want to hear screaming babies or see toddlers running. Luckily no close family had babies otherwise it would have been a more difficult rule to enforce. Some of my friends had babies and they happily left them with the grandparents, happy for a night off. My Mother-In-Law tried insisting on letting some preteen third cousins come but I refused to change my mind. The worry that someone would sneak in their kid really stressed me out. 

Now that I am a breastfeeding mom I think no differently. I am glad there were no kids at my wedding. I have been leaving my baby home since eight weeks with my husband ( and bottles of expressed milk) because  I am the one with the job. Yes, some women who breastfeed need to work and leave their kid each day. I love my baby and I also like my job and being able to afford rent is nice too:)

Post # 67
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee

 

@Karenladybug:  great comment =)

to OP, don’t assume all breast feeding mothers have an issue leaving their babies.  My mum left me with our neighbour when I was 5 weeks old to go half way across the world to my grandfathers funeral, and I was fine, big deal.

IMO it is unhealthy to be so attached to a child you can’t leave them for a few hours.  I plan to have an adult only wedding and if one of my friends cant part from their baby for a few hours thens fine, dont come.  I can’t imagine any of my friends being like that though.  Everyone needs a break from their kid every once in awhile, especially to have fun at a wedding.

Post # 68
Member
892 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I agree that for the most part, newborns are not going to be a distraction at a wedding, and that responsible adults won’t permit screaming from children of any age. I emphasize responsible because I have been to several weddings where parents were more intereted in drinking than taking care of youngsters.  And it could have to do with my neighbor who is yelling at his 19mo to shut up right now.  

We handled the situation a bit differently.  We invited adults, and then on several invitations where there were young kids, and they were of traveling distance, we sent a note that said the kids were welcome because of the distance.  We didn’t invite young kids who were local, and who had other family members to watch them.  We ended up with two kids from a distance family, both amazingly behaved (probably 5 and 7), and one local kid (add on at the last minute, and I couldn’t say no without offending family).  

Post # 69
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@Mrs.KMM:  I have a problem with crying children at wedding…I am being brutally honest here.

I also have a problem with breastfeeding mothers insisting on breastfeeding in public places.

I don’t mind tiny babies because they won’t be as annoying as toddlers and children running around because their parents can’t control them.

But bring a bottle for goodness sake, or if you must give it a boob…do it in private.

 

That’s my personal opinon, I’m not saying it right or nice…but people tell me I’m not nice anyway so I chose to run with it.

Post # 70
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@libraryblondie:  I think the difference is between nursing infants vs. older kids – there is/can be some serious physical discomfort involved with leaving your nursing infant for 4+ hours if you’re nursing every 2-3 hours as most newborns would be. Mum might not be having much fun at your wedding if her breasts are painful, rock hard, and leaking breastmilk because she hasn’t been able to breastfeed!

I’m not sure if your mom was breastfeeding since it less strongly encouraged years ago (formula was seen as a positive since it gave moms more of the freedom you mention) – that might have made it easier to leave you for a more extended period at 5 weeks.

Post # 71
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@Karenladybug:  

Thanks for this comment.

I have been lurking for a bit, and when I saw this thread and the animosity towards not including breastfeeding babies, I got a bit nervous, as I just dealt with this situation (sort of) on Friday!

My fiance’s brother’s wife is due ~1 mo before our wedding (planned c-section). They also have an almost 6 y/o, and live several states away. I have no idea if she will be breastfeeding or not, but I do know that when my Future Mother-In-Law and fiance both told me that they did not think the kids should come, I wasn’t going to argue. Honestly, I was impartial either way, but I do not think a 7-11:30 pm wedding is any place for a child OR a newborn. This couple themselves had a child-free wedding, too.

I live quite far from family and friends (due to work), which prohibits me from attending all family gatherings, weddings, etc. I have no problem saying I can’t attend XYZ event because of money, vacation time, etc. I also understand if some people won’t be able to make the trip to my wedding due to finances, and I am of the mindset that parents should be the same way about their children and restrictions having children may put on their lifestyle. It is a choice. I fully expect that when I make that choice myself, I may have to decline invites or pawn my children off on some poor, unsuspecting babysitter. 🙂

That said, I appreciate some of the commentary on this board on this subject. I can see my opinion may be in the minority, but very good inputs from both sides. I agree that if you are prohibiting all children from your wedding, you shouldn’t be upset if someone cannot attend.

Post # 73
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013
Post # 74
Member
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I invited children of family to our wedding, so there were a few little ones there, including a nursing baby.  There were no meltdowns, tantrums, or tears during any part of the ceremony or reception.  I know that two of the kids had to be brought out of the church, but there was a playground across the street where they, and their dads, hung out.  The venue even had a private, locking room for the breastfeeding mom.

I can see it from both sides.  As I’m not yet a parent, I don’t know how I personally would feel if I couldn’t bring my breastfeeding child.  I know I would do my best to pump beforehand, so the child had enough to eat while I was away, and find a quiet, private spot to pump and dump if I started feeling uncomfortable.  However, it would upset me if a friend became overtly upset or angry that I couldn’t go because of my newborn baby.

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