Post # 76
kiram : “Same reason I won’t poop with the door open.”
I can understand being modest and the desire to use a cover, even though not all babies (mine included) will tolerate a cover. But I don’t understand the comparison to pooping. A better analogy would be “same reason I won’t eat a sandwich with the door open”…which of course makes no sense at all.
I think it would be great if we could get to a point in society where breastfeeding was so normalized that people DIDN’T stare. Like pp mentioned how it is in Dubai, a country that is much more conservative than the U.S. Not “OMG BOOB HOW SCANDALOUS!!!” but “oh, a child is eating.” Neither positive nor negative, just a totally mundane thing. Like my experience with my friend’s kids staring at me nursing my baby at their home…it was so simple to explain to the kids what we were doing, and once I did, they were onto the next thing in 2 seconds…it was not a big deal because I didn’t make it one.
ETA: Re: the women you’ve seen who are so discreet nothing ever shows…I really doubt even the most discreet, experienced nursing mother hasn’t occasionally flashed a boob when trying to latch a screaming, thrashing child in public. I’m sure I’ve looked very discreet many times when nursing in public, but there have also been times, like trying to wrangle my fussy baby onto the boob on an airplane where we were crammed in like sardines next to a giant man, where I was not so successful. I’d hate to think anyone thought I was trying to put on a show for the sake of it in that situation.
Post # 77
tiffanybruiser : I mean, if eating a sandwich included exposing a body part which is typically covered and considered private, I would agree…which is why I compared it with using the toilet, as it can reveal more than our society deems acceptable. Like breastfeeding, pooping is natural, healthy, and unshameful, but we use discretion regardless, mostly in respect for others.
Whether society’s current opinion of “taboo” is fair/appropriate or not is another conversation which I’m not trying to comment on. I do think we should be aware of and respect different cultures, including those which are more conservative than our own. Not that changing minds is wrong, but I think there are better ways to do it than forcefully exposing people to it until they’re desensitized.
Post # 78
sandiegobee : I had a shared office when I was breastfeeding and I was pumping twice a day. One day, the other half of my office was being used and so was our spare office. I was able to use our hrs office to pump and I thought his window faced a court yard or something where no one would be. I decided not to battle with the blinds
I’m pumping and I hear beep, beep, beep from outside. His window was right next to our ambulance entrance and an ambulance was backing up right outside of the window 😆
Post # 79
tiffanybruiser : agreed. The pooping analogy is not the same thing. Pooping or urinating exposes the genitals (why it is normally illegal to walk around naked in most places). Breasts are not genitals.
Post # 80
kiram : Pooping is unsanitary and exposes the genitals. Breastfeeding is sanitary and is how many children eat. The fact that some people in society want to sexualize breastfeeding is not a good reason to shame women into doing it behind closed doors. It’s sad that a society like Dubai, which is a lot more conservative than most western countries, can grasp this concept, but some people in the U.S., including breastfeeding mothers themselves, cannot.
I think there are better ways to do it than forcefully exposing people to it until they’re desensitized.
When I breastfeed my child in public without a cover, I am not trying to forcefully expose anyone to anything. I am trying to live my life and feed my child — who will often scream bloody murder if I put a cover on — with as little fuss as possible. I care a lot more about feeding my screaming baby than potentially offending someone who insists on viewing what we’re doing under a sexual lens.
Post # 81
kiram : I agree that private spaces should be available to those that want them. But if breastfeeding was more normalized it wouldn’t grab attention because it wouldn’t be something out of the ordinary. If someone doesn’t want to look it is on them to avert their eyes, not on me to cover up.
Also pooping and breastfeeding aren’t even remotely the same. For starters no one eats my shit and there is no nutritional value to my shit. Second of all NO ONE is allowed to show their butthole in public. But if men can show their totally useless nipples in public then if someone catches of glimpse of my amazing life sustaining nipple doing it’s intended function then I think people need to grow up and get over it.
Post # 82
tiffanybruiser : I hace two boys, one Will be 4 Next month and one will be 2 in three months… I still breastfeed my youngest. And I breastfed the oldest until he was almost 2. Neither of my boys liked being covered and I didnt care for it either. I have breastfed openly everywhere I have been, gro very stressed. Mall, park, swimming pool, museums, etc. And thankfully no one has dared to say a single thing to me, maybe because I have a resting b face and I am always ready to speak my mind if anyone tries to make me feel bad for feeding my babies.
I live in Chicago so it is a very diverse and liberal city and perhaps that has something big to do with it idk
Post # 83
feedthebeags : woohoo! I call my style “attachment montessori”. Crunchy mama that let her wean herself from the breast, made my own baby food, babywears, will rock and snuggle her to sleep whenever she needs it. But also she’s 2 and that’s plenty old enough in my book to have several chores – she feeds the dog, helps with laundry, sets/clears her place at the table, and picks up her own toys.
Post # 84
kiram : I saw more tits at the beach last weekend than you’d see on most breastfeeding women. And way more asses too actually, thanks to the cheeky/thong trend.
Pooping and feeding your child are not the same thing, at all.
Post # 85
I’m pretty modest, but breastfeeding ebbs and flows in terms of modesty depending on my kids age, where we are, their tiredness level, etc
One day I can have a perfectly happy baby who happily nurses under a cover or in a changing room and gives no thought to the outside world
Other days he is like trying to latch an alligator to my boob and nothing I do works. He is distracted, he’s overtired, its hot, hes hungry, etc
Even when there’s spaces available to go nurse privately, sometimes I just don’t want to. I’ve been lugging 20+ pounds of baby, all his shit, diaper bags, my stepkid, etc and wherever we’re seated at the time is gonna have to do because I’m not loading up the stroller, my other kiddo, all the bags, etc just to go cram into a bathroom stall so someone doesn’t accidentally see a rogue nipple.
Often times I DO prefer to feed discreetly, but then there’s times where even when the option is available to go to another part of the mall / restuarant/ zoo / wherever, it’s just too must hassle
Post # 86
Totally this! The school I live next to is having some work done and the work men are accessing the school via the gate outside my house. Today has been super hot and humid and we saw some of them leaving. He was chatting to me complaining he’d had to keep his top on all day as they work in a school. I’m there like ‘welcome to our world’ I’ve got 2 tops on today so I can breastfeed comfortably LilliV :
Post # 87
kiram : I think your thinking is what gets us as a society in trouble, I don’t see how me feeding my son is comparable to pooping. Breasts and breastfeeding shouldn’t be sexualized which I think is the point of breastfeeding being allowed in public, men walk around without their shirts on and nobody bats an eye but children EAT and everyone loses their mind.
Post # 88
I’m not a mother so forgive me if I sound stupid…
I don’t understand the pearl clutching around public breastfeeding. Babies need to eat at inconvenient times. So what?
When I see a woman breastfeeding in public, I simply avert my eyes and mind my own business. It would be creepy of me to stare. Those who get butthurt over public breastfeeding must have very easy lives to be offended over something so trivial. I understand that breasts have been sexualized but their primary function is not sexual.
I will admit that I think it’s a bit much when moms go viral for public breastfeeding or stage “nurse ins”. Public breastfeeding is not newsworthy. If a store is so uptight about breastfeeding, the best way to protest is to refuse to spend any money there. There’s no reason to gather a bunch of breastfeeding moms and have them nurse at the same time just to prove a point…that’s just being extra.
Post # 89
kiram : I really can not believe you just compared me feeding my baby to someone taking a shit. That is so disrespectful and a completely unfounded, wild comparison. When I breastfeed I don’t force anyone to look. You have the amazing ability to turn your head the other way, close your eyes, or hell – hold a blanket over your own face if it is that offensive.
Post # 90
Today is the first day we went out in public for an extended period of time with our newborn and I breastfed on a bench in the mall. My baby’s hunger/thirst trumps people’s issues with sexualizing a breast and I wasn’t going to try to find some kind of private changing room while she was fussing out of hunger. I didn’t make eye contact and don’t know what the reactions might have been. I know that when we were done nursing, I had tons of strangers approach me to ask how old she was or to fawn over her.