(Closed) Bridal Anxiety Vent

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Hey, glad to see someone else from the Maritimes on the boards! 🙂

To answer your question, sure – it’s easy to get caught up in all sorts of “what ifs” about things that could go wrong at the wedding, everybody does that. I remember nightmares I had about showing up to an undecorated reception hall, the dj not making it there or playing horrible music, whether it would rain, etc…and I had to remind myslf over and over it was pointless to worry about things I can’t control.

Will people make an announcement at your wedding that will take the focus away from you? Highly doubtful. Even if some guest did make an announcement, they’d likely just get a short congrats and maybe a few minutes of attention. Your guests are there to celebrate YOUR day. Especially when it comes to noticing what other people are wearing – everyone will be too busy looking at you in your beautiful dress and how happy you and your new husband are together.

For your difficult bridesmaid, try talking to her openly about how stressed you’re feeling, that you understand she’s feeling stressed, and how you want to enjoy wedding planning together. Maybe she doesn’t realize that she’s stressing you out, and talking about it might clear the air.

RSVPs…the bane of every bride and groom’s existence! The wedding is in January, so you’re ahead of the game and have time left. Maybe some people aren’t sure yet if they’ll be able to come, and are putting off giving you an answer for that reason. This could be something family could help you with, just like you’re getting your Future Mother-In-Law to talk to the extra-guest-inviter – they can let them know that you need final numbers for catering, etc., now. If they don’t give an answer by the time you need to let the caterer know, then they’re out, plain and simple, and they shouldn’t be surprised if they show up and there isn’t a seat for them. you’ll have given them 3 chances to make sure a seat was ready for them. Having your family help you with stuff like this will take some of the stress off of you.

People assuming they can invite a +1 when they get an invite happened to us, too, even though we specified on the RSVP card how many seats for reserved! Usually this happens because people just aren’t thinking – when your Future Mother-In-Law contacts him and explains the situation it should be okay.

For the changing the last name bit, there are some really good threads on here that talk about that – I was in a similar situation as you, and after a lot of time and effort I was able to get through to him why a name change was not just a de facto thing to cross off the to-do list but something that was really bothering me. I did end up changing my name, BUT he would have been okay with it if I had decided not to. Sometimes people strongly react to something just because they’re not used to the idea of it being any other way. Bringing it up a few times for conversation after the initial rejection and letting him know how you feel about it and why it’s important to you may help with that and get him to see your point of view.

Wow, what a novel – I hope that helps a bit, even just to know that other people have similar concerns as you. Hang in there! Smile

Post # 5
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

First of all – big hugs! 🙂 I know that you are feel stressed, but try and make a list and conquer what you can. Delegate the rest (and accept the rest as things you cannot control and let them be, easier said than done… I know). As for miss Bridesmaid or Best Man – mention to her that you are feeling this way and that you need her help in creating as little stress as possible (mention how you feel about others ‘stealing your thunder’ the day of, annoucning engagements, upcoming babies, etc but don’t single her out, just say in general you don’t want that to happen). You should make this CRYSTAL CLEAR to her – if she doesn’t respect your wishes and do her Bridesmaid or Best Man duties of helping you be stress-free, that says a lot about her friendship. Moving right along here – RSVPs. I’d say talk to your Maid/Matron of Honor and/or your mother and express that you need to get these either returned, confirmed, something. Split up the list of those who have not RSVP’d in any way, and call them. No messing around, no emails, strait up call them and make them accountable. That way you know who will, and will not be there (but you always have to account for those who say no and then come, and those who say yes and don’t). I would suggest that you take the future uncle in law issue (FMIL’s brother), into your own hands (or let your Maid/Matron of Honor or mom do it) and handle it. Don’t wait for Future Mother-In-Law to do it, as she might wait too long or not do it at all. Only delegate to those you can trust – others will only stress you out more and dissapoint. As for Fiance and the last name issue. I’d suggest taking his last name and your maiden name as your middle name if that’s what you want. If the last name thing ‘affects his manliness’ then he needs to find something else to be manly about (tell him to adopt a manly hobby or something – this REALLY isn’t something that should upset him THAT much!). If you do the maiden name as a middle name, you still can have his last name and he should be happy with it. Marriage is about compromise and THAT is a compromise. If he doesn’t know how to compromise, he better ask somebody and learn. My 2 cents. Hope the bridal anxiety subsides, and bon chance. 🙂

 

Bella

Post # 7
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

You sound very stressed and over worked. I dont have much advice to offer accept delegate where you can and take some deep breaths. I feel for u and i hope everything improves greatly, many hugs!

I havent recieved a single written RSVP back yet so that may make u feel better lol Thats just the australian over relaxed mentality i think.

Hope you are ok. xoxo

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