- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
So while I’ve used this forum to look for advice on a few different topics there’s one thing that I’ve yet to have answered: Is feeling let down by your Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man a “normal” feeling?
So before I get into my story, I’d like to put out there that I am all for constuctive and helpful responses, but as one of the Golden Rule states: If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.
With that being said, let me share my situation:
Lately I’ve been feeling some resentment and hard feelings for my Maid/Matron of Honor and one of my BM’s. The are the only ones, out the 4, that live close to me, who are the only friends in the bridal party (the other 2 are cousins) and whom I was expecting to rely on the most.
When I asked my girls to be be apart of our special day (a year before the big day), I took them to a surprise lunch, gave them custom made bags, planners (to write down important dates), wine (to de-stress when things get overhwelhming), a frame (to put a picture of us from the wedding), custom coffe tumbler (to fill with coffee to keep up with me) and a heartfelt card letting them know how much it would mean to me to have them stand by my side and be apart of the planning process. Everyone was so excited and wanted to be involved in as much as possible. At the lunch there was one thing I expressed to the girls that I really wanted to do and that really meant the most to me and that was a fun filled day, the day before the wedding, to get our nails done, go to lunch and then get ready for the rehearsal.
Well, a couple weeks went by and it seemed like they had lost any interest in the wedding and didn’t really want to engage in any converstation about any planning. At first I was hurt, but then I had to remind myself that it really isnt as exciting for bridal party as it is for me, the Bride. So, I got over it, moved on and started planning it along with my fiance.
When the time came for me to get my dress, I asked them both if they would come with. They said yes. So we went, I picked out some dresses and went back to them on. When I went to go show them they were no where to be found. Only then did I realized they were shopping around and pulling dresses…for themselves. Wedding dresses that is. It made me feel disapointed that they really werent there for me and that they cared more about playing dress up. I didnt express any notion that I was upset or that it had kind of spoiled that moment for me, which maybe I should have, but I didnt want to cause any waves. A couple weeks later I decided to try this processes again and they decided they didnt want to join, which was fine with me, and I ended up purchasing the dress alone.
When it came time to get the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses, I was a little weary of how the expereince would go after how the wedding dress shopping had gone, but to my suruprise it went fairly well. The girls loved the dresses and the orders were placed as well as the shoes (which I made sure to keep cost as low as possible).
A few months had gone by and the topic of a bridal shower and bachelorette party had come up. Both of our moms, the Fiance’s and mine, had asked when they would be, etc. At that time I hadnt put much thought into it. I brought the topic up to my Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man and both expressed that they didnt have any money to do either. I understood and told them not to worry about it and that Id rather them save their money to get our mani and pedis the day before the wedding as that was the one thing I really wanted to do. When I told my mom, she said that wouldnt do and started planning, paid for and hosted the most amazing shower for me. She even let the Maid/Matron of Honor and BM’s take credit for it all. (which was only a week ago)
While at the shower a few of guests ask about what our plans were for the bachelorette party. While I told guests that I hadnt put any thought into it yet, sparing the details that the Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man just didnt have the funds to do anything, the both of them proceeded to tell everyone that they couldnt afford one after throwing me such a lavish shower! I was floored when I heared this. They had not put 1 penny into the shower.
When my cousin, who lives out of state, heard this (from my mom) she contacted me and said that no bride should go without a bachelorette party and vollenteered to fund the party with a little assistance from my mom. Now, the girls want to be all involved because they aren’t footing the bill. I’m all for being inclusive, but its starting to make me feel a little embarassed.
Now, I’ve been fine with them not being involved with the shower and parties and only having them finacially participate in their dress and shoes, but today when I told them I had set the appointment for the nails, mani & pedi’s (at your run of the mill nail chain – no high end salon), they tell me they can’t afford it. I feel like its the one and only thing ive asked of them, other than the dress and shoes, and Im not sure what to do or think at this point. I know their finances are none of my buesiness and I havevn’t called it into account thus far, but I know for a fact these girls CAN in fact afford it. They make good money and are constantly out shopping, partying and eating out. I know I cant tell anyone how to spend their money, but I feel like they’ve known about this for over a year and the fact that they cant spend the $40 or even participate in the one thing I really was looking forward to is making me call our friendship into account.
So now that Ive ranted on and on I guess Im looking for some opinions on what I should do or I guess if I am right for feeling this way. I feel like Ive been more than accomidating on top of buying them all very lushes wedding day gifts. I just cant seem to wrap my head around the fact that they cant do something that means so much to me.
HELP! Thank you! 🙂