Post # 1
I see a lot of posts/debates about the whole “who gets a plus one, and who doesn’t.” I am a bit confused when it comes to the bridal party (for our guests, we are doing the living together/dating long-term/engaged/serious relationship thing for deciding whether a guest gets a plus one) – but – I see a lot of posts saying that the bridal party should be entitled to a +1 regardless of their relationship status. Is this the proper etiquette? All of them should receive a +1 even if they are single?
I think my concern is that we have quite a few in the bridal party who are single – and while I am happy to give them a +1, there is a good chance that their +1 won’t know anyone. And, given that the wedding party will be getting ready together (sans +1) and intimately involved in the day, I don’t want to isolate anyone, but I also don’t feel like they should be involved in the private moments leading up to the wedding. The +1s would essentially be on their own the day of the wedding (the wedding party will be leaving for the venue at 1:00 p.m.), getting ready for the wedding/pictures (1:00 p.m. – 5:00p.m.), during the ceremony (5:00-5:30) and cocktail hour (5:30-6:45).
My wedding location also has a strict rule that no guests are allowed to be onsite earlier than 30 minutes prior to the ceremony start time. The wedding party is to arrive onsite 4 hours prior to.
Any clarification anyone can provide would be super helpful.
Post # 3
- Wedding: June 2010 - Ceremony - First United Methodist Church; Reception - My parents' house!
How many are in your bridal party?
Give them a +1 and let them worry about logistics. Choose your battles. That’s my new outlook. :p
Post # 4
I agree with miss scissors.
Post # 5
@scissors: very smart outlook! We have 14 total in the wedding party. 7 women and 7 men. Out of the 14 total, 7 are single (no SOs at all at this time).
Post # 6
I am personally not doing +1 for our parties unless they are in a long term relationship. We decided this, party due to cost, and partly because we did not want random people at our important events leading up to the wedding (setting up the day before, rehearsal dinner, getting ready the day of, etc). I feel somewhat guilty about this, but its just one of those choices we have to make in planning a wedding 🙂 Sometimes traditional ettiquette is not the best route for your particular wedding. Do what is best for your situation 🙂
Post # 7
i think it just depends on your situation. we had a really small wedding so we didn’t allow + 1’s…. until my sister specifically asked me for one. she didn’t have a serious bf and the guy lives out of the country, so i didn’t think it would be an issue. however he happened to come visit then so i let her have it, after all she did so much for me for my day, the least i could do was let her have a date. she’s been in weddings before and knows how much girl time is involved, and she told him that before hand so it wasn’t an issue.
i think that if you have the money and room in the budget, it might be nice to give them a +1, but if not, it’s not that huge of a deal.
Post # 8
Thanks @rosiebear. That is my FI’s position. Especially because the 7 that are single aren’t even in relationships at all.
Post # 9
I think its up to you. If you can afford it money and space wise, then go for it, and like Miss Scissors suggested, let them worry about logistics. If you do this, it might make sense to make sure they are aware of their wedding party responsibilities on the day of the wedding before-hand so that they can make an educated decision on whether to bring a guest or not.
In my case, a bridesmaid is opting not to bring her fiance even though he is invited, because he does not know anybody, she doesn’t want him to be uncomfortable, and she thinks she’ll have more fun with us girls if she’s not worrying about him the whole time. A groomsman of ours, on the other hand, is flying across the country and bringing his date even though she’ll have to sit along at the hotel room during the bachelor party and won’t know anybody besides him at the reception.
However, if you are in a serious pinch money wise or space wise, I don’t think it would be inappropriate not to add a +1 for your wedding party. I think they would understand, and many of them might not have wanted to bring a random person to the wedding, anyway.
Post # 10
I didn’t extend a +1 to my bridal party just b/c they’re the bridal party, same rules applied for all the guests, married or engaged. None of my party has complained. Frankly, I don’t get why there is this rule of thought that the bridal party gets a plus one. I guess I can see if they didn’t know anyone there, but my bridal party members know other guests AND we have an extremely large bridal party. Allowing for +1’s for everyone would just be ridiculous.
I think you have to do what works for your situation and if you can extend it as a courtesy, then by all means. I’ve been in weddings and just never felt the sense of entitlement for anything from the couple. I was happy that they included me in such a special day.
Post # 11
Thanks @farmersdaughter and @farfromordinarybride!
I talked it over with my Fiance last night and we are going to keep the same rules with the wedding party that we are with the other guests. Our wedding party all know each other, so there is no risk of any of them feeling alone.
Post # 12
Honestly… if these people are in your party you’re presumably close to them right? So talk to them about it. I’d just be direct and tell them your concerns… something like “Hey I’m trying to finalize the guest list and I wasn’t sure if I should be including a +1 for you or not? I was a little worried that if you brought a date they wouldn’t know anyone and would be uncomfortable being alone all day while you were doing stuff with the bridal party, but if you think it would be okay and want to bring someone that is totally fine with me… what do you think?”
Post # 13
scissors, it took me this long to realize we have the same wedding date.. fun!
We are giving everyone a +1, pretty much (with the exception of the older folks) and letting people know who else they will know there. This way I’m figuring that instead of finding a “date” they will know that they know people there, and will go w/o.
I want everyone to be comfortable, so we are allowing +1’s… who knows how many people will take us up on them!
Post # 14
I had kind of asked my girls how they felt about +1’s. All of my girls are single except for one Bridesmaid who is married. They all had the same response and I’m so glad they felt this way- but one said she didn’t want to invite a random plus one and then have to worry about keeping him entertained/social especially since he would most likely not know anyone. All my bridal party knows one another since most are family and the other two who are single might as well be family so I’m not worried about them feeling alone. But if they do become serious with someone they are casually dating now- I would definitely consider inviting their SO.