(Closed) Bridal party….

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
5073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

well, the sides don’t have to match.

but he does need to include your brothers.  It’s important to you, and it’s your wedding as well.

Post # 4
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee

Could you invite your brothers to be ushers? Or readers? Or have them involved in some other way? I know that it is customary for many to include family members in the wedding party, but that doesn’t mean he has to. He likely wants to share this with the people/friends that he is closest to.

Uneven sides isn’t the end of the world! My Fiance is having 6 groomsman and I am having 5 bridesmaids. Uneven is the new cool! 😉

Post # 5
Member
662 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Maybe have your brothers stand up on your side?

Post # 6
Member
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Look at the word here, Groomsmen…whose men?  The Groom’s Men, that’s who…asking him to cut out two of his friends for your brothers is a bit of a reach, wouldn’t you be upset if he asked you to cut out two of your friends?  There’s other places for your brothers?  Got any Junior Bridesmaids or flower girls? Might be very special if your brothers were escorts…or your brothers could walk your mother down the aisle at the beginning of the procession.  My point is, if this is a sticking issue, stop arguing about it, the definition of insanity is performing the same action over and over again and expecting a different result…there are plenty of special ways to include your brothers that don’t entail alilenating your Fiance and his friends. 

Post # 7
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would either have your brothers stand up on your side or use them as ushers. I don’t think its fair for you to pick his side.

Post # 9
Member
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Ya have your brothers stand on your side, then it evens it out. My friend has her brother on her side for the wedding.

Post # 12
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

The sides don’t need to match and he is not required to invite your brothers  to stand up for him (although it would be a lovely and meaningful gesture).

I do think that a bridal party of 18-20 is too many people though.  It makes everything from selecting a bridesmaids dress/groomsman suit to the actual processional a LOT more complicated and expensive. There’s no way even all the ladies or all the gents will fit into a “normal” limo so that means if a limo was in your plans, you’re going to need at least one more than you think (two if you’re adamant about keeping the ladies separate from the gents on the way over to the ceremony) or a super stretch hummer thing (super stretch price too).  And that’s just one example. 

I’d see if you can end up around 12-14 in the bridal party (still too many for my tastes but much more manageable than 18-20) and find some other roles for some of your loved ones to fill, such as being ushers, doing readings, or so forth.  But you would need to cut your side too, so that he doesn’t feel like you’re meddling or anything.

Honestly I worry about the potential drama when large bridal parties are involved.  As your wedding is still about 9-10 months off, you may want to just let this topic sit for a month or two and see if your choices change at all.

Post # 13
Member
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Ahem, this is already a total stress-a-thon!  And making new friends to fill in on your side is the worst idea in the history of life…next he’ll tell you that if your Dad’s late he’ll just throw a tux on the janitor and roll you guys on down the aisle!  It’s cool if the sides aren’t the same number, that just means that some of your girls are going to have a fella on each arm, or whatever you end up doing, the point is you both have the people you want standing up for you because honestly, who is going to remember????

Post # 14
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Sides don’t have to match.  

And it’s not your business who he wants standing up for him.  You choose your bridesmaids.

Post # 15
Member
2178 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@MsMindle:  @alleycat1984:  I second either of these options.  Don’t get bogged down in little details like this.

Post # 16
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

First of all, as PPs have mentioned, sides don’t have to match.

If you want them to match, I get it – I do, too.

Solutions:
1) have your two brothers stand up on your side. Boom, 10 and 10.

2) Have your two brothers serve as ushers (both my brother and Future Brother-In-Law are ushers and are walking the moms down the aisle). Tell Fiance that he must pick two friends to upgrade to readers (hey, groomsmen just stand there – readers get to SAY things!). Or heck, have one of them officiate if you are close to one of the current groomsmen candidates.

3) Make new friends. Obviously, I am being sarcastic in suggesting this – my Fiance jokingly suggested it as well (I have three BFFs, and multiple girls I’m friends with…but I wasn’t going to go out and make new BFFs just so I could have more BMs).

 

Also, as PPs have mentioned – having a bridal party that large will, without a doubt, be a recipe for disaster. Getting 4 girls to agree on a dress? Difficult. Getting EIGHT to agree on a dress? Impossible. A rehersal dinner for a minimum of 46 people (your Bridal Party + their dates + both sets of parents + you two) = expensive, difficult to plan. 8 Bridesmaid or Best Man bouquets? Super expensive. Maybe you can both cut it down to five or six? I don’t know how large of a wedding you are having, but most experts suggest one BM/GM pair per 50 guests. You don’t want your church/hall/venue to look empty because all of your friends are in the bridal party. Plus, you’ll need greeters, ushers, readers, etc…

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