Post # 1
I’m hoping you can help me think my dilemma through. My bridesmaids are all close friends who live in the same city that Fiance and I live in. My bridesmaids and I have all grown up here, and currently live here. However, my Fiance is originally from Ontario (a four hour flight from where we live). His groomsmen all live in Ontario. My Fiance has said that as a thank you for making the trip for our wedding, he would like to cover the costs for his groomsmen’s attire. I think this is a sweet gesture on his part.
My dilemma lies in my bridesmaids attire. Originally I was planning to provide them with a colour and fabric, but let them choose a style that they feel most comfortable in, and something that they are comfortable covering financially. Again, none of them are travelling to be at our wedding. As well, I will of course be giving them bridesmaid gifts, and covering things that I would like them to have (e.g. shoes that are all of a co-ordinated colour, getting their hair done at the salon I’m choosing) However, I think it might be awkward if they found out that the groomsmen did not have to pay for their attire, but they did. Or, because groomsmen don’t have to worry about hair and makeup, could I offer to cover this for my bridesmaids instead?
I don’t want to detract from the the reason my Fiance is covering his groomsmen’s attire, but I also don’t want my bridesmaids to feel cheated. Help!
Post # 2
You need to agonize over it. If you have the money, it is nice to pay for the accessories and things, but bridesmaids paying for their dress is par for the course. I have two bridesmaids and I purchased their outfits, but they are traveling from very far away to be there. I think your friends won’t know how the groomsmen are getting their outfits and likely won’t care if they do find out.
Post # 3
If you are requiring them to get their hair and makeup done then you should pay for it (I couldn’t tell from your post if you’re requiring it). Otherwise, I think it’s fine to buy them the gifts you had planned and then cover the accessories you want them to wear.
They likely shouldn’t find out that the GM’s attire costs are covered and even if they do, I would hope they would be understanding about it. Travel is usually half the cost of being in a wedding for me.
Post # 4
I would only pay for hair and makeup if you are requiring it to be done. If it is optional, they can cover the cost. I think it is fine to go with your original plan.
Post # 5
Any demands you make you are responsbile for paying for. (I THINK that’s what you said you’re doing from your post, but it was a little unclear.) Basically, if you want them to have their hair and makeup done, you pay for it. However, I don’t think you’re obligated to pay for both the costs of getting ready and what they wear. It’s acceptable to let them pay for their dresses on the premise you don’t make TOO many demands concerning cost and style. They get some wiggle room when it comes to something they’re paying for.
As a female, I’m completely aware of how different the costs are for men’s attire versus women’s. A man can rent a nice tux WITH shoes in Ontario for $79, lol. I’m not saying your FI’s gift isn’t gracious, it is! But for you to do the same with getting ready and outfits would be 3x the cost.
Any decent female will respect the cost difference and not feel miffed if the groomsmen are completely covered and they’re not, IMO.
Have you ASKED them what they’d like? Personally, the accessories you lsited are legit the last thing I’d want covered as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. I’d rather have my dress or hair/makeup!
Post # 6
Thanks bees! Just to clarify, based on past weddings of my married bridesmaids, I am thinking they will get hair and makeup done, but I am not requiring that they do. If they say they don’t want to, I am completely fine with that because I want them to be comfortable and feel beautiful on my wedding day. I think I will cover the cost of this even though it is not required. Thanks again! You’ve helped me think about it a little more.
Post # 7
I’m in literally the same spot- Fiance is paying for his Groomsmen suits. For the girls they could pick from a couple at David’s, and I told them to just wear a pair of heels in a set color. I am paying for their hair, makeup, and nails to be done for the wedding, as well as buying the necklaces, earrings, robes for getting ready, a pre-prepared bag that has like 21 things a bridesmaid may need (band-aids, sewing kit, advil, mints, ect- I found the bags at a store but they’re pretty common), as well as personal gifts for each.
I think that even if the girls know that the guys suits are paid for, the amount of getting ready and gifts even it out.
Post # 8
It depends on the costs you can afford. I really wanted to buy my bridesmaids outfits, but in the end I was already paying more than enough for the wedding, and I couldn’t afford dresses (expecting them to cost over $300+).
Anyway, my bridesmaids are just wearing plain black cocktail dresses, which they got for $50 on sale, which is fantastic! Because not only did they buy their dresses and it was at a reasonable cost, I felt ok with the fact they only had to spend $50 each on a dress, and it made me feel less of a “cheapskate” lol