Post # 1
So I just got off the phone with my mother. We’re down to just 7mths left before the wedding and she just now asked who was in my bridal party. I named the 6 girls and she got mad at me because I did not ask a childhood friend (who’s also the daughter of a really close family friend.) ARGH! Can’t I plan a wedding in peace??? I’m not asking for much. She kept saying ‘well even if she said no at least you asked her.’ But I don’t want her in my wedding so what is the point of asking??? Again I get the whole ‘In our culture…’ talk. I don’t know what to say to her so she’d get over this. I picked my final 6 (though I only wanted 1 or 2) and I’m not budging. And finding if there’s another wedding type job for her to do would just be a slap in the face for my mom and possibly her mom. Anybody else go through this? And what did you do?
Post # 3
Do you think the girl is actually upset about this or just your mom?
If its just your mom I’d leave it be – agree to disagree. Tell her the dresses are ordered, gifts picked etc., etc.
If you think the girl is upset, I guess see if she wants to do coffee – not to invite her to the "party" but just to catch up and mend fences.
Post # 4
Here’s the thing. I’ve know this person since the day I was born. They’ve become family to us in the 20+ yrs. I consider her my cousin. I love her and enjoy her company BUT it never crossed my mind to ask her nor would she get butt hurt if she was not considered for a Bridesmaid or Best Man role. I haven’t even talked to her in over 4-5 yrs. She lives in the East coast. I am a lot closer to her younger brother who’s only a yr younger than me and I asked him to be an Usher in our wedding. He aslo live out of state. She thinks that I should have picked family over friends to be in our wedding. She is invited to the wedding but apparently this isn’t good enough for my mom. I hate it when people expect certain things in your wedding. My Boyfriend or Best Friend of over 15 yrs didn’t even assume that she was going to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. Why would my mom assume I’d picked someone that I haven’t talked to in over 4 yrs to be in it. At this point she’ll know it was last minute. I’m putting my foot down!
Post # 5
I don’t have a cultural issue per se, but what I am figuring out is that my mom has her own ideas about how things should be – and when she gets upset, its because she actually had everything figured out already (without telling me), and my plan is different. Generally I let her cool off for a day or two, and then explain why I made the decisions I made. Usually that ends up okay, or we can find a reasonable compromise position.
This might be a cultural issue – or just a family issue (I have figured out that a lot of the details of this whole wedding thing are sometimes waaaaay more important to my mom than they are to me). However, I think that when you get to something that IS important to you, its not a problem to stand firm. We have a number of guests on our list that are mom and dad’s friends and not really ours. And that’s fine, especially as they are paying for the reception. But I personally wouldn’t designate a Bridesmaid or Best Man on the basis that she is a daughter of your mom’s friend. Maybe just explain that, even though your mom and her mom are friends, you and she haven’t been close for years. And therefore you think you have done the appropriate thing.
Post # 6
just let it ride… 🙂
perhaps get her input on something else, so it helps direct her attention elsewhere, lol.
Post # 7
Good one Bride.. Ha Ha… I would love a stress free wedding!