Post # 1
I have a few close girlfriends and I have close family and I don’t want a big bridal party. I have kept my bridal party to my 2 sister in laws (one is my FI) whom I am both very close with and the 3rd is my cousin who I also am close with. I have purposely kept it to family so no friend can get hurt in one friend was picked over another. HOWEVR! one of my gfs who I have known since I was 4/5 yrs old is upset that I didn’t pick her to be in my bridal party because I would be in hers if she was getting married. (I personally wouldn’t care either way if I was in her bridal party or not tbh I would just be happy for her, and knowing her it would be less work for me to NOT be in her bridal party). There was a big period of our relationship which we lost contact as well. This is the whole scenario I was trying to avoid in the first place. One of the big reasons I am not having her in my bridal party is my Fiance isn’t a fan of hers. I have told her I wanted to keep it to family to keep it small and she could be involved in the wedding in another way but she isn’t responding.
Any advice would be amazing!
Post # 2
Personally, I would definitely stick with your original decision. I think your reasons make total sense for you and I tend to think that a ‘friend’ who would make a big deal about something like this is likely to cause more drama as a bridesmaid.
I would keep reiterating how much you value your friendship and if you have a specific way she could be involved (such as by doing a reading) then ask her to do that as soon as possible. I would also recommend that you don’t spend much/any time justifying your decision or explaining it, as that just provides more potential for her to debate it with you or take issue with what you say.
It’s awful to see our friends upset or have them be upset with us, but you only have so much control over this situation. Hopefully with a bit of time she’ll realise this isn’t about her and come around to being an excited guest at your wedding.
Best of luck!
Post # 3
thank you for your response! I will stick to my original plan and I wasn’t going deviate anyways 😅 But i do think she would cause me more drama as a bridesmaid as she is a big personality who would make me second guess my choices in a way. I’ve told her I was planning on having her do a reading or something but the planning is only in the early phases yet and I haven’t planned that far ahead. She has told me I’ve now put a strain on our friendship and has not replied to my texts or answered my phone calls. So for now I’m calling it quits and she can talk to me when she is ready as I’m not going to be bullied in a way from changing MY wedding plans for someone that would end up causing more trouble.
Post # 4
just stick with your regular decsion of family only in your bridal party. If she is acting this way and NOT in the bridal party, imagine how b****y she would be while in the bridal party.
your wedding, your rules. period.
Post # 5
- Wedding: October 2020 - New York, New York
If she was a good friend, she would understand. It’s really nice of you to offer to involve her in the wedding anyway, and the fact that she’s not responding is really rude and childish. Planning a wedding is stressful enough, you don’t need this extra drama!
Post # 6
I know I am a broken record/cd but the bride and groom are always rigtht. Stick to y our guns. Though I admit some may argue, and this is the problem someone always gets hurt would wonder your pick of in laws who aren’t related by blood – glorified friends? But at least you have some rationale – this is the problem people have different ways of seeing things. Like the groom who picked his brother and then skipped a bunch of friends for his new boss and co worker who both left the company within six months of the marriage.
Despite her big personality and all if she means something – sit down and talk with her and explain. Offer her another role – give her options – wedding coordinator – some say too much work but can she sing a song, read a scripture or poem, guest book registry, be your witness and sign the legal documents, usher, walk down the aisle and light a candle. There is the unity candle but for one wedding I designed five candles and each represented something and those 5 people walked the aisle and lit the candle and the overhead screen explained what each candle meant and like each member of the wedding party there was a quick photo of them with at least one of the people getting married and then a solo photo of them (kind of like a tv intro). (Okay because there was huge drama I managed to find (they were all girls) 5 matching cocktail dresses at $20 each (regular $190). The Bride gladly paid the money; I even made them poseys to carry. Make sure you get a photo with her with the official photographer and if you do what I did one with the whole wedding party (or other wedding party :).
Getting married is not only about your happiness LOL. Its about world peace or at least part of the world. It is a psycholgical mishmash of dreams , hopes and expectations – not just your’s.
Wedding parties – such drama, such stress, such politics – worse than judging figure skating.
Post # 7
Oui how annoying of your friend. Keeping it to family is by far your best approach politically. If she chooses to damage your friendship because of this, don’t let her immaturity rule your common sense.
Post # 8
- Wedding: July 2018 - Fremont, CA
I would just text her “let me know when you are ready to talk about it” and not get in touch with her until she does…
Post # 9
Well I think I would not open the door for more talking , OP has made her decision and if this girl is a ‘big personality’ and given to argument , more discussion might not be a good idea.
In OP’s place I would send the odd noncomittal text about anything but the wedding. If she won’t answer, so be it .