- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
I love my Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaids… I really do. I chose each of them for a specific reason but as I am almost a month away from my wedding – I am finding that they are more stress than I can handle. Especially dear Maid/Matron of Honor.
Maid/Matron of Honor & I have been dear friends for almost 20 years. We went through everything together. Well about 5 years ago she got married to her husband who, in my opinion, does not treat her well. He is controlling, doesn’t let her see her friends and doesn’t want her to have anything to do with her past… including me. It has been hard not to take it personal but I have made sure that she knows – when she needs to talk, get away from the kids, etc… I am here for her. I keep my opinion to myself about her husband but lend a hand to her when and if she needs it.
My bridesmaids… all very thoughtful and sweet ladies. I have a total of 5 bridesmaids. They are from all over PA and OH. And only 2 of them knew each other before this shin-dig got started.
For my Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party we decided to have it all in the same day so that all of my out of town ladies could attend both events and we could make a fun weekend out of it. We set a date – and that was that. A month prior to the big weekend
“Bridesmaid A” calls me freaking out. “No information has been given. How are we to help plan this if Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t have a venue, theme, time, menu, etc. prepared? We’ve all emailed/called/texted her and not gotten a response?” I call Maid/Matron of Honor to find out progress, tell her who is willing to help, give her “economical” ideas about the Bridal Shower and ask her to please at least take the help from the Bridesmaid if they are willing to offer it.
“Ok.” I tell Mr. K – “If this is going to a huge problem, Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t want to do it, the girls can’t pull together… then I really just don’t want a bridal shower. It’s not worth the extra stress on my plate to plan my own bridal shower/bachelorette party. I will just go without. I’m fine with that… I really am!”
“Bridesmaid B” calls me a couple of days later: “MOH just emailed me and gave me a $$$ amount to pay… but I have no idea what it is for? I emailed her back and she hasn’t responded. Do you know?” (PS – the $$$ was CRAZY!!!!) So I called Maid/Matron of Honor and explained we have a college student, someone that just had a baby, one that just lost her job and another looking for a job so money is an issue for everyone. Let’s keep this simple, shall we? 🙂
“Bridesmaid C” calls. “It’s 3 weeks before the event. No invitations, no communication from MOH?” Okay, no problem she probably just got busy with the kids. I call her. Maid/Matron of Honor is working on the invitation and they will go out by the next day. DONE & DONE!!!
Maid/Matron of Honor calls me a week later. we are less than a week and a half away from my bridal shower. “I need to step down as Maid/Matron of Honor. I am having financial problems and can’t do this.” WAIT WAIT WAIT?! The invites already went out. The girls already booked their hotel and asked for work off. Why didn’t you take the advice from me and do a pot luck? (Mr. K’s family is filled with giggly, fun aunts and cousins who love to cook for large family gatherings and were itching to help!) The venue is free, food can be provided, decorations can be made by my fellow crafty bridesmaids and family. No need to freak out but invites have gone out and we can’t back down now!
Day of comes along and although “Bridesmaid C” has a family emergency and can’t make it up, I have a wonderful day… although in the back of my head – I couldn’t help but feel guilty about “burdening” all of the girls for these events. I know I shouldn’t have felt that way but with all of the drama I couldn’t help see it that way. I am grateful for the effort that all put in. When it came down to it, they all tried really hard to make it special and memorable.
SOOOO – flash forward 3 weeks. Today I get a call from “Bridesmaid A”, “Bridesmaid C” and “Bridesmaid D” all saying the same thing. Maid/Matron of Honor sent a rude email to all of the girls demanding extra money from them for the parties. It was filled with statements like “Send out a check immediately or pay via Paypal”, “I have kids to feed”, “It’s not fair for me to fork out this extra dough”.
I am livid. I don’t know what the original arrangement was. I didn’t ask and wanted the girls to keep it between themselves. The parties were my gift from the girls. I have no idea how much, if they all paid, if there was a set amount the ladies chipped in or if they were “billed” after the fact. I don’t care. Throughout this process my Bridesmaids have picked up the slack of my Maid/Matron of Honor when it comes to DIY help, emotional support, etc. While Maid/Matron of Honor is busy begging her husband to come to the wedding (which he has refused to take any part of) – my bridesmaids are turning it into a fun weekend affair where we get to spend time with each other and loved ones.
I can’t replace her. It would be too akward. I also gave her an “out” when I asked her 9 months ago – saying that “I understand your busy. I know your husband doesn’t approve of you being involved in this and I would never want to step between a husband and wife.” She was adament about being involved and making this a great experience for both of us.
At this point in time: Dresses are bought, names are in the program, friendships are on the line, Bridesmaids are all angry with Maid/Matron of Honor, and my stress level is rising. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want Maid/Matron of Honor to get angry with the rest of the girls but I don’t want the girls to be angry with Maid/Matron of Honor … even though I am and think they have the right to be.
SOOOOO… I turn to the hive. When all fails, vent to other brides all across the country! Thanks ladies for taking time to read my sob story… I must go stamp napkins now….