Post # 1
So this is my first official post on here! I need some advice from other brides on girl drama.
I decided not to have a maid of honor. I don’t have a sister or cousin for the role and all of my girlfriends are considered “equal” on a friendship level. However, I do have 2 friends who I have been “best friends” with for over 15 years. All 3 of us grew up together since childhood. In the last few years, the 3 of us kinda parted ways. I hang out with each of them at different times, as it seems the two of them do not get along with each other anymore. They stand each other, but only when forced to be in the same social setting. To avoid drama, I decided to just make everyone a bridesmaid, as I couldn’t decide which of the two would be my maid of honor. When I told them, they freaked out. They proceeded to explain to me why they should be the maid of honor and how i promised them that role. However, I promised them this role YEARS ago. Like before I was even engaged. Totally my fault and I accept that. But I was young and didn’t really think about it. It was like “Hey when you get married, am I gonna be your maid of honor?” And I was like,” Oh yeah totally.” Just innocent conversation. So one girl didn’t talk to me for over a week. And I found out through another friend that she was talking about the situation behind my back. And the other girl said she is just going to call herself the maid of honor because she’s “planning the bachelorette party.” When I said I just wanted to keep it equal across the board, they cornered me by saying “well who is gonna walk down the aisle first?” and “who is gonna fix your dress and hold your bouquet?” UGH! Talk about putting stress on me. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt either of their feelings but at the same time I feel they are both extremely immature for creating this drama. I’m planning this entire wedding myself and the ONLY stressful thing about it is this dang girl drama. It’s ridiculous. I believe this is more of a competition between the two of them on “who is Lauren’s REAL best friend.”
So what are your thoughts? In my opinion, if you’re willing to make this big of a deal over this and make me feel this bad, then you don’t even deserve to be the maid of honor. Should I pick another girl in my bridal party to go first just to back them off? Or will they cause even more drama?
Post # 2
futureldubs: I would let the dust settle, see what happens, before you make any moves. Maybe they need some time to think through what they’re actually doing. And if not, maybe you need a heart to heart, to tell them the literal reason why you did this.
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
I would pick another girl to solve this problem.
Of course that will proably result in them never speaking to you again because they sound about that mature…
Maybe you can divide up the Maid/Matron of Honor “duties,” e.g. hav one of them walk down the aisle first and the other one hold your bouquet.
If they still make a fuss I’d just choose another friend. And at that point you can be pissed as hell.
Post # 4
I would set up activities and competitions and have them compete for the title.
Kidding, I don’t know what advice is going to be right for this situation as they sound kinda crazy. Maybe just explain to them both that you love them equally and would find it really stressful to pick one. Tell them it’s just one day and the support from both is really important.
Post # 5
I’d stick to your guns here and continue without appointing anyone as Maid/Matron of Honor. Only I can’t see how that’ll do other than unleash more drama. They are only united in their childish determination to get their own way at the moment but once one of them – or indeed any of your other bridesmaids – is elevated to Maid/Matron of Honor status they’ll simply have another battle to fight.
Nobody has the RIGHT to play any role in someone else’s wedding. Let alone have the right to cause trouble over it. You have decided to play fair by treating everyone equally and if they can’t cope with fairness then that’s a sad reflection of their lack of support for you.
Post # 6
My boyfriend Brandon has 2 best friends, Nick and Mike. I asked him years ago who would be the best man, because they have a 3 Musketeers thing going on, they even got a Celtic 3 peice tattoo on their arms together. He told me they figured that Brandon would be Nicks best man, Nick would be Mikes, and Mike would be Brandons, that way its argument free, and equal. Maybe you could decide it that way since its the 3 of you?
Post # 7
Personally the one talking about you behind your back is the last one I’d pick.
Post # 8
futureldubs: WOW. Your friends sound pretty hideous…
I’d just stick to my guns. Tell them that you value their friendship but that you don’t feel that you should have to pick favorites. If their concern is legitimately with logistical details (who gives the toast, who hosts which party, who hold the bouquet) you can easily divide up those duties. Obviously though, they just want to be ranked higher than the others.
Are they children or something? What is wrong with these women? I can’t imagine having so little dignity.
Post # 9
morningcoffee: “I would set up activities and competitions and have them compete for the title.”
Ba ha ha ha ha! Do this. I suggest an obstacle course based on this episode of Saved by the Bell http://vimeo.com/45727841
Post # 10
futureldubs: Yikes they say very immature
I would sit them down and be say something along the lines of ” i will not pick between you two, please have enough respect for me to accept that and move on. You are really stressing me out and this is supposed to be a happy time ../..blah blah blah” If they refuse to honor your wishes, cut them both out of the party, the don’t deserve to be there. I would be very agitated if I were you!~
Post # 11
futureldubs: This is ridulous and so immature on their parts. This is your wedding and it’s your decision to decide who bridemaids are and whether you want a Maid/Matron of Honor. They need to accept that and if they can’t, they shouldn’t be in your wedding at all. That said, I would go about it in a gentle way. Explain to them that you would like them to be part of your wedding as bridesmaids and that you value their friendship, but would like your wishes to be respected. I was a bridesmaid in a wedding that also did not have a Maid/Matron of Honor. Had there been a Maid/Matron of Honor, it would have been me or, let’s call her Megan. Megan had been friends with the bride since they were small children. I went to college with the bride and we had been friends for about 10 years when she got married. Megan and I are btoh very close to the bride so we shared the tasks that the Maid/Matron of Honor would normally do. At first, Megan caused some drama about the same things your friends are talking about- who was going to walk down the isle first, who was going to make a toast, etc. However, fortunately, the comments didn’t last and I would say that there was a minimal amount of drama. Hopefully, this will also be the case with your friends. I would just make sure you are upfront with them at the beginning so the drama gets left behind.
Post # 12
Make them flip a coin for walking down the aisle. Then divide the other responsibilities. Silly ladies :s