Bridal party help; Don't want hurt feelings!

posted 9 months ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Can I include FI's sister as bridesmaid without including SIL? Can I include brother without SIL?
    Yes! It's your wedding, choose who you're closest to : (32 votes)
    68 %
    No! Include everyone even if it might make things more stressful : (9 votes)
    19 %
    No! Leave all family out so it's fair : (0 votes)
    Include Fi's sister, but give Brother & SIL another job in the wedding : (4 votes)
    9 %
    POLLS ARE LIFE! : (2 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    2917 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    Charliejeorge :  I dont think you have to include you SIL just because she’s your SIL, if you’re not close than there’s no reason she needs to be a bridesmaid.

    Your brother should be able to be in your bridal party without his wife, I think you should ask him and he can either accept or decline although I’d find it pretty shitty if he declined just because his wife isn’t in the bridal party. Sometimes it works out that couples are both in the bridal parties but a lot of the time it doesn’t.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1932 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2019

    I am including my fiance’s sister but not my brothers’ wives. I don’t really think it is necessary, we wanted a small party and there are just different rules for sisters vs. sisters in law. Both my brothers are in the wedding as well, and I was in theirs, but again, none of the in-laws were in their weddings.  Include her in the family photos, as she is family, but you don’t have to include her in the wedding party

    Post # 5
    Member
    3211 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2021

    I’m not sure why you included the whole bit about your previous wedding, as it doesn’t seem to be at all relevant..? Maybe I missed something?

    As for your SIL – I would not include her. It doesn’t sound like you are close with her or that you even particularly like her, so it sounds like unnecessary headaches to me. I see nothing wrong with including your brother on your side, but if you think it’ll make his wife pissy then it probably isn’t worth the drama I suppose.

    Keep in mind also that you don’t have to have even numbeed wedding parties. You can have three even if he has four. Or you can have five. It really doesn’t matter. 

    I’d stick with picking who you are genuinely closest with and want to surround yourself with on the day of your wedding. Not who you think you have to pick, or who you think will do to fill out your party so the numbers are even, or whatever other reasons you might come up with other than “I want this person there”.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2082 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    While, of course, you don’t have to include your SIL in your bridal party, I do think it would be hurtful to include your brother, friends, and other SIL, but not her. Unless she is an awful person (and you say that she is not and that you genuinely love her), I would always err on the side of inclusion, especially when it comes to family. I wouldn’t worry too much about a personality clash between her and your FI’s groomsmen or tension. You’re not all spending a week in a secluded cabin together. I doubt it will come to blows. I would include your SIL.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1596 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    Can you have her give a reading or have some other way for her to be involved?

    Post # 10
    Member
    383 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2021 - British Columbia, Canada

    Have whomever you want, it’s YOUR day. People will be offended about something no matter what – “Vanilla cupcakes?! I wanted chocolate!”

    Post # 12
    Member
    2746 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2017

    No matter how kind/ understanding/nice someone may be, feeling excluded is hurtful and not easily forgotten… People always say “it’s your day”, which is true,  but it’s best to make sure you’re ok living with the potential negative consequences of your choices. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    11945 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    I really don’t see how you can justify excluding your sister in law under these circumstances. She’d have every right to feel incredibly hurt. Bad move, IMO. 

    Your excuses really don’t add up either. If buying a dress is too time consuming or expensive for her, let her tell you. Unless she volunteers, she’s not obligated to do anything else but stand up for you on your day. 

    And I don’t know why you think the bridesmaids and groomsmen are going to interact constantly. I mean, they go to rehearsal, walk down the aisle, stand up at the ceremony and then go to your reception like any other guest.

    But I think you are overthinking. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    972 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2018 - Tizer Gardens/Carroll College

    I had my sister as my Maid/Matron of Honor, didn’t include my SIL’s in the ceremony (though one gave a speech), my brother helped seat people, and my Brother-In-Law wasn’t given a job at the ceremony – though he dd help out decorate the hall. There are no small parts, just small people 😉

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