- 2 years ago
- Wedding: November 2019 - Canada
I have a bit of an issue that I could use some unbiased opinions on. Sorry this is so long, I’ll put a TLDR at the end!
Fiance and I are just starting to plan our wedding, it will be my second wedding & FI’s first. My first wedding was a full wedding with about 180 people. FI and I both want a big wedding because it’s important to us to celebrate with all our people.
For my first wedding, Ex-h had his 2 brothers as groomsmen, and I had my 2 of my closest friends. My Brother and SIL had been married for about 1.5 years by that point and while I was in their wedding party, they weren’t in mine as we had kind of drifted apart after some drama from their wedding. There was no hard feelings about having only my 2 friends as bridesmaids/MOH because they are the kind of friends who are basically family; I’ve been very close to them for most of my life.
Fiance is really close to his sister, she is the sweetest woman. Her and I clicked the moment we met and have been close ever since. She lives 8 hours away, but we keep in touch and are always really excited to see each other. She was probably the most excited about our engagement and treats me like a sister.
My brother and I have always been close. When I met his now-wife, we got along ok but she’s quite opinionated and can be pretty hard to get along with. Our relationship is better now but it took some time for us to get there. Fiance has only met them twice and likes my brother, but finds SIL abrasive. Brother & SIL are both really flaky, hard to get a hold of and neither make any effort to keep in touch unless they need something. They’re quite self-centered but they don’t realize it and would be heartbroken if they knew anyone felt that way. They live 12 hours away and have extremely busy lives (business owner, Med School… it’s a lot) so I try to call them once in a while but always look forward to catching up when they’re home. (It may not seem like it from what I’ve written here, but I really do love them a ton. They have great hearts & mean well, just miss the mark sometimes)
Fiance has chosen 4 really close guy friends as his groomsmen. I’m really struggling with my side though. I’ll ask my 2 really close girlfriends, and would really like to ask FI’s sister. I would also love to have my brother. The problem in that I cant include him without including SIL (she gets offended when I want a family photo with just brother & parents). I wouldn’t mind including her to keep the peace but I’m 98% sure there will be a personality clash with one of FI’s groomsmen (a super loyal friend to FI) and I just don’t want that kind of tension on the day. I don’t know if she’d even want to be a bridesmaid, she’s going to have a super stressful year, they have NO money (but she’s starting a lucrative job soon so that will change) and the distance coupled with her being tough to reach will likely add stress to the planning process which will tick me off and I don’t want to jeopardize our somewhat fragile relationship.
TLDR: Super close to FI’s sister & my brother, not as close to my SIL. Known SIL longer than FI’s sister & SIL’s sensitive to being left out of “family stuff”.
Would I be terrible for including FI’s sister (who I’ve known for 2 years) and not my SIL (who I’ve known for 7 years) in my bridal party? Can I include brother without including SIL? Should I talk to my brother next week and see if he thinks SIL will even care?
Am I making this a bigger deal than it really is? I just don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings!
If I leave out brother & SIL but give them another job in the wedding, any ideas for what that might be? We’re not having a traditional ceremony so no ushers or readings….
Thanks in advance for any advice & opinions!