Post # 1
Soooo I’m sooooo frustrated and a little ticked off right now, and I want to know if I have the right to be.
Okay for starters, we have 9 bridesmaids and 9 groomsmen. Our wedding is in Baltimore City.
This is the issue, we are paying for all 20 of us to stay at a hotel the night before the wedding after rehearsal dinner. This cost us $1400. I spoke with my Maid/Matron of Honor last night and she is coming in from out of town and she basically went off on me when she found out that we were not paying for them to stay at the hotel after the wedding. We are checking them out of their rooms before we leave for the ceremony. She told me that it was ridiculously rude of my Fiance and I to expect people to come from out of town spend the whole day with us and have to find their own lodging.
I felt extremely bad about this because we simply cannot afford to pay double that for everyone to stay another night. Majority of my bridesmaid live in the area or have family staying in the area. She’s the only one in the bridal party who lives out of state. I can understand her frustration but she went to school here and has friends that live in the area and I offered to find somewhere for her to stay.
Am I wrong for not getting them two nights??
Post # 3
I don’t think you’re wrong. Most of our bridal party is from out of town but we’re not paying for their hotel rooms at all and I’ve never had the bride or groom pay for my room when I’ve been in a wedding either. I told the girls that if they want to stay at my house the night before, they’re welcome to but after that they’ll need to arrange for their own stay.
Post # 4
@MrsFeatherbottom: That’s exactly what I thought. When someone is traveling they normally know that they make sure they have somewhere to stay.
Post # 5
@HisWifey2012: I agree with you! We’re having a destination wedding in Vermont where literally NO one lives. All our guests, including bridal party, have to stay for the weekend. Our rehearsal is also on a Thursday with the wedding on Saturday. I’m paying for hair to be done and giving them each a pair of Toms and a pashmina for their gifts. I know it’s tough for everyone to travel but we’re adults so I think they can manage. Good luck- I hope it all works out!
Post # 6
Yeah whenever me or SO have been in a wedding or had to travel to a wedding we always provided our own lodging and travel. I dont think youre out of line…
Post # 7
I used to be that the bride or groom supplied lodging for their out of town bridal party. That usually meant bridesmaids stayed with the bride’s family or friends. Back when I was a bridesmaid I remember staying at the homes of the bride’s aunt for one wedding. Another, where my husband was a groom man, he and I and another grooms man and his wife were put up in a cottage type place, where we had two bedrooms and one large bathroom.
Today I don’t know that held up as etiquette.
Could the Maid/Matron of Honor leave after the wedding and make it home? Or will she have to stay somewhere nearby that night?
Post # 8
@charmed59: I was also aware of this old bit of etiquette, so I made sure our bridal party had a place to sleep the nights before and after the wedding …. BUT, that “a place to sleep” was basically just one large loft at my parents’ house, with everyone camped out on air mattresses and sleeping bags. They were all fine with it, but if anyone wanted any privacy or an actual bed, they’d have had to pay for their own hotel rooms!
OP, I think maybe it would be nice for you to find somewhere for your Maid/Matron of Honor to stay so at least you can claim to have “taken care of” her lodging, even if it’s completely free. But you certainly aren’t obligated to pay for her hotel room!
Post # 9
I wouldn’t expect to have my hotel room for the night of the wedding (or after the rehersal for that matter) covered.
If she’s really concerned about the cost perhaps there’s a relative she can stay with?
Post # 10
90% of our bridal party and about half of our guests will be traveling for our wedding… they’ve known since the venue was booked ONE YEAR before the wedding, if they can’t afford to attend then we will miss them. Your wedding party ESPECIALLY should understand that they will need to budget for these things. That’s outrageous, I’ve never heard of that at all.
Post # 11
No way! You are absolutely right! I think you’re being generous in paying for your bridal party to spend the night before in a hotel. Most of FI’s groomsmen and 1 of my bridesmaids are from out of town, and we’re not paying for their rooms at all; no one said anything.
Post # 12
We had three BMs from out of town. They each got thier own hotel rooms, paid for by themselves for the night OF the wedding. The night before the wedding, my Matron and Maid of honors actually sprung for B&B rooms for themselves, the 3 out-of-towners and myself. You are not wrong for not getting them an extra night, but as PPs have said, I would attempt to find her somewhere to stay, so you can at least say you tried.
PS. If she she travelling with family (SO, kids, ect.) – then she have planned to pay for the hotel room herself. In my opinion.
ETA: *she should have
Post # 13
I think you’re being beyond generous. most weddings reserve a block of rooms at a hotel for their Out of Town guests but they don’t pay for that. The guests do.
Post # 14
You are already paying for them to stay the night before the wedding… something you didn’t have to do. She needs to pay for her own room and board after the wedding.
Post # 15
She sounds very ungrateful. It’s unusual and very generous for the bride to pay for any of the lodging at all.
Post # 16
It’s super generous for you to pay for everyone to stay the night before the wedding! I would never expect for anyone else to pay for any of my lodging. I think she is being ridiculous.