(Closed) Bridal party monetary gift – I feel so bad!

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
881 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@mscuppycake:  I would send a thank you and say how fun of a surprise it was because if she knows you didnt plan it then she will understand. I think if she was offended she wouldn’t have sent the check along with your cousin so just syaing something nice about how you cant wait to catch up with her and thanking her is fine! 

Post # 4
7211 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@mscuppycake:  It is perfectly acceptable to just send a thank you card. You didn’t plan the list so you shouldn’t feel bad!!

Post # 5
9954 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Etiquette Snob here… lol

You need not feel guilty (but I understand that you do, and WHY)

When it comes to any party… the Host is the one that sets the Guest List.

Your Hosts, decided that this would be a small intimate Shower with people of your age group, and your Mom.

Hence WHY your 2 Cousins were there… and not your Aunt.

As the Cousins are Daughters of your Aunt she heard about the Shower, and decided that she’d add her name to the Card (and probably money to the gift from “Her Girls”)

Her Choice.

You send a Thank You Note to each Adult individually… including your Aunt.

You don’t have to apologize for her not being included… as she’ll know how this all works, and that you weren’t the Host / make the Guest List

Just be gracious and thank her for thinking of you.

Hope this helps,


Post # 6
1270 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1994

I agree that you should send a card saying it was a nice surprise. You weren’t expecting a bridal shower, and it was really thoughtful of her to think of you, and you hope to see her soon.

Post # 7
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I would send them each a thank you card. I like the idea of saying it was a surprise. 

Post # 8
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@mscuppycake:  I would just send a thank you note.  returning gifts with gifts could go on forever!  They obviously wanted to contribute, and I think an appreciative thank you note or phone call is a nice gesture in return.  Or invite your aunt over for tea if you’d like.

Post # 9
370 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I would sent her a thank you for the thoughtful gift without addressing her absense. Most adult women understand that the bride does not plan the shower. Getting too into an explanation might just create an uncomfortable situation.

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