(Closed) Bridal Party Problems

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee

Hasn’t happened to me yet but I’m kind of hoping things pipe down as the months roll by. The thought of going through this for another 11 months wil just be aggravating.

Post # 4
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Yes, it sounds absolutely ridiculous and woefully immature! I’m sorry, I don’t have any great advice, except to hold your ground on what you want and hopefully they will all calm down and get over themselves.

Post # 5
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Oh man– this is going to be such a sore subject when I do it. Here’s some history..

 

My F’s brother(we’ll call him fred) got married 7/7/07.. I was not apart of the wedding, nor would I expect to be, as I didn’t really know them. Fred has a brother (my F) and a sister. His now wife (Jenna, we’ll call her), has a sister, and at the time, had an exchange student living with them. Jenn had EIGHT attendants (her sister and exchange student and 6 friends plus 3 Junior bridesmaids and 3 flowergirls).. and my F’s sister was NOT one of them. On the groom’s side was my F and cousins and friends. 

 

This caused a HUGE spat between the family, and It’s still a sore subject whenever someone brings a wedding up. There’s still hurt feelings, and you can see it in the family pictures. 

I know for me, I’ll be asking my F’s sister to stand up, and not my step-sister. I’ll have 2 cousins, and 2 friends for a total of 5. I’m trying to make it a rule to only ask one member of a couple to stand up because most of them have kids, and it will be a kid friendly wedding. So We’ll ask Fred, but not Jenna, as I want her to be able to look after her children. We’ll ask F’s sister but not her husband (who I adore) for the same reasons. I’m hoping this is justified, but I’m sure some heads will roll. 

I know it sucks, and I feel your pain. 

Post # 6
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

WOW Im sorry you have to deal with this. My situation was somewhat similar. I had asked 2 of my best girlfriends, my husbands twin sister and his cousin. I am very close with my SIL and CIL as we are around the same age and CIL lives in the same city as us and twin SIL lived with us for 3 months. He also has 2 other sisters who are older than us by about 7-9 years who I am not as close with. After intially asking those 4 people my Mother-In-Law threw a HUGE fit that his other 2 sisters werent a part of the bridal party. We ended up caving and adding them because we didnt want to deal with drama. It was ridiculous. In the end it was fine, but its very disheartening to have people acting so childish like that during one of the happiest times of your life. I hope that you guys are able to work this out with your families and that everyone can make peace with your decisions. Good luck to you 🙂

Post # 8
Member
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

This is one of the biggest reasons I am not having a bridal party.  I don’t have siblings, but I have a lot of very close friends, divided into three or so social groups. Unless I wanted to have 12 bridesmaids, someone’s feelings were going to get (legitimately) hurt.  I know that doesn’t feel like an option for most people, but I’m happier with my decision every day.

And, I should add, I’m very sorry that you’re going through this. People take these things way too personally.  They all need to take a step back.

Post # 9
Member
5388 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’m sorry you are dealing with this. People can be really selfish sometimes. I’ve realized that people’s true colors come out during wedding planning. I think you did the right thing by standing your ground. They need to remember that this is your wedding, not theirs. You have to do things your way.

Good Luck and Welcome to Weddingbee!

Post # 10
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I asked FI’s sister to be one of my bridesmaids, and it was the best thing I ever did. I think she was genuinely excited and it brought us closer togetehr. However, on the day of the wedding (and before that) she basically did NOTHING! I felt awkward the whole day because all my other BMs were being amazing (bar one, but that’s another story) and she basically did very little to help. I didn’t mind though. Her part was just to be there and agree to be in the wedding, and hopefully be a good sister in law one day. It was just meant to be a gesture. Would it really kill you to have an extra Bridesmaid or Best Man and Flower Girl on your side, considering there are quite a few anyway? Consider that this might be remembered and these are people you will have to see regularly at family gatherings etc. It’s worth it to start out on the right foot.

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