Post # 1
Urgh… I am so confused…..
What can a bride expect (or safely assume) of the maid of honor and the bridesmaids when it comes to the wedding and wedding planning? Are they supposed to organize and pay for the bridal shower? Bachelorette Party? Wedding day hair and make-up?
I have read a bunch of books and websites regarding this issue and I seem more confused than ever. I don’t want to overstep but I also don’t want to feel like I am going through this experience all alone..
Post # 3
@TypeABride2013: Well most of the time the shower, and the bachelorette party would be their jobs, but I know some brides have expressed problems on here about their Bridal Party not doing these things. I think if you are requiring hair and makeup you should pay, if you are just offering it but they can choose, they can pay.
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Their job is to show up, sober, with a smile on their face for the rehearsal and wedding, and cooperate for pictures. Everything else is a bonus that you should negotiate with them.
Post # 5
@lovekiss: I would plus 1 this – with the addition of “dressed appropriately”, and that 2 of mine couldn’t make it to the rehearsal and that turned out fine.
Post # 6
@lovekiss: +1 You should expect nothing more from them.
Post # 7
A Bridal Party and a shower (or creative alternatives – like special girl’s day out kind of things) are mostly the norm. If you chose them well, they will be there to make your experience special. Bride & Groom reciprocate sometimes with a dinner, and certainly some kind of gifting.
Post # 8
Their only responsibility is to wear the dress and show up. I had to learn the hard way, and harshly from another forum.
Everything else, like everyone said, is just bonus. I have a wonderful bridal party (minus one bridesmaids) who have planned, coordinated, helped, prepared for most of the parties.
Post # 9
If you use the search feature there are about half a million threads dedicated to this topic, and you’ll get a range of responses here too. Most of us feel that your BMs are simply the people most important in your life who you want standing next to you on your wedding day, and don’t require much outside of them being there on your wedding day in the agreed upon outfit.
But as the wedding industry has been blowing up and getting more and more expensive, some brides have been demanding more – some sites and books will have you thinking your BMs should help you plan, put together DIY stuff, go shopping with you, do tons of pre-wedding events you want, plan and pay for a shower/bachelorette party…it’s getting out of control, and in my opinion, pretty darn unreasonable. It leads to brides picking their bridal party based on who has the most money and time to throw them parties rather than who they’re actually closest to, and I think that’s sad and pretty wrong.
But there are a few things that are fairly universally accepted, those things would be: you cannot ask require them to have their hair or makeup professionally done unless you are willing to pay for it, in the UK the brides pay for the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses and in the US the bridesmaids typically pay (although you need to be mindful of their budget, and I paid for two of my BM’s dresses because I knew they couldn’t afford it and it was really important to me that they be in the bridal party), and that you guys need to work together to find a dress that fits your vibe and colors but doesn’t make them totally uncomfortable or that they absolutely hate. Most bridesmaids will put together a shower and/or bachelorette but those are extras, mine did a casual low-key bachelorette but they weren’t really involved with the shower – the expenses and time commitments can really add up, so you need to be mindful of your expectations.
From your past post, it seems like you’ve been throwing out a bunch of suggestions and ideas for your shower and bachelorette and trying to schedule and organize things. That’s kind of rude and not really something you should be doing. I’d knock it off and send them a message saying something like, “Hey guys, I’m sorry if I’ve been pushy about the plans with the bachelorette party, I know it’s not really my place to plan that sort of thing – I’ve been so caught up in figuring out all of these little wedding details and I got a little bit carried away.”
You’ve created four threads today about your bridal party and how exhausted you are with wedding planning. Give yourself a break! Seriously, just take a few days where you don’t think or worry about any of this. And keep your focus on the things that are within your control and that are important. It’s easy to let all of the fun get sucked out of what should be an exciting time by being totally, as your username says, type A.
Post # 10
@Wonderstruck: but as the wedding industry has been blowing up and getting more and more expensive, some brides have been demanding more – some sites and books will have you thinking your BMs should help you plan, put together DIY stuff, go shopping with you, do tons of pre-wedding events you want, plan and pay for a shower/bachelorette party…it’s getting out of control, and in my opinion, pretty darn unreasonable.