Bridal Party Size Judgement

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 31
Member
2422 posts
Buzzing bee

I recently attended a wedding with 17 bridesmaids and groomsmen, and it was fabulous.

What an absolutely asinine thing for someone to attempt to make you feel bad about! Is the expectation that you should knock out a couple sisters, or people whom you’ve loved since you were in kindergarten?

DON’T YOU DARE APOLOGIZE For wanting to be surrounded by a group to whom you feel loyal and close! 

Post # 34
Member
1263 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
ggb3 :  the point is, if you’re having so many bridesmaids for props then don’t. If you do genuinely want them up there with you, then ignore the judgement. People are going to have opinions on everything. Your dress, the food, the venue. No one has to like your decisions except yourself and your Fiance. 

Post # 35
Member
387 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2025 - City, State

You say you aren’t changing your mind, so own your decision.  “Yeah, 12, I know!  I’m so lucky to have my amazing friends and all my sisters.  It’s going to cost me a fortune in bridesmaids’ dresses though!”

Post # 36
Member
47451 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
ggb3 :  You reap what you sow.

  You asked for opinions. I said I had no problem with 12 bridesmaids unless the SAME bride complained about the expenses of such a large wedding party. I also said I would be uncomfortable asking so many people to spend extra money on my wedding. You still don’t seem to comprehend what I am saying.

Post # 37
Member
3180 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Take a deep breath. You’re clearly sensitive about this right now and taking stuff personally.

People have merely suggested to you what *could* make them judge someone for having such a large bridal party – if those things do not apply to you, then that judgment isn’t about you. 

As for the responses you’re getting IRL, I suspect that it’s largely you hearing/seeing what you expect to because you’re self conscious about it. 

If people are giving pause, seem a bit taken aback, or make a comment like “wow, that’s a lot!”, it probably has less to do with them judging you and more to do with 12 quite literally being a lot, and when someone does something that is so far off the norm it tends to catch people off guard. 

There’s nothing wrong with having a massive bridal party if it really is made up entirely of people with whom you are extremely close, but the more people that you add into the mix, the more potential there is for complication so just make sure you keep on top of that.

You may need to adjust your expectations of people based on the fact that it’s so many to try to coordinate. By that I mean things like wanting a big bachelorette party with everyone and expecting them all to be able to make the same schedule and budget work, and all be happy doing the chosen activities, etc. You might also want to consider a more relaxed approach to dresses, shoes, hair and accessories for the actual day, as it is incredibly unlikely that you will find one dress that looks good and feels good on 12 very different bodies. 

Post # 38
Member
584 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

View original reply
ggb3 :  12 is a LOT of bridesmaids, and is far greater than the norm.  So yes, people likely will notice it and perhaps comment on it on the day of. 

It’s a lot of people to walk down the aisle, crowd around the altar, have at a head table (if you are having a head table) etc.  Depending on the size of your wedding, it could easily look like half of your wedding.

If I were in your position I would stick to a certain smaller number for both you and your Fiance – there are always close people who are close or family don’t quite make the cut for the bridal party.  The point isn’t usually to choose everyone who is close to you – just a few who are.  I personally have 9 girls who are fairly equally close to me, but I only chose 2 and had another 3 family members. 

But all that said, it’s your wedding.  You can do what you like with your day.  If people give you unsolicited advice then that is rude – but if you ask for opinions, don’t be offended when you get them. 

 

Post # 39
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

Is 12 a lot? Maybe… But if that’s what you want, you do you! Plus, there’s no “perfect” amount of people in the bridal party! And people will have their opinions no matter what… I’m getting snide comments about just having a Maid/Matron of Honor, flower girl and a best man! We’re having a small backyard wedding and everyone is making comments hinting that we don’t have friends and that’s why we don’t have a huge one…. So rude! We just don’t want it!

 

Long story short…. You do you! If that’s who you want with you, then that’s how it should be! Its your wedding day, enjoy! 😀

Post # 40
Member
9164 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
ggb3 :  Would you still have 21 members of your bridal party (bridesmaids & groomsmen) if you and your Fiance had to pay for attire and everything else?

Post # 41
Member
2857 posts
Sugar bee

Mod stepping in. If I keep getting flags on this thread, it will be closed, and warnings will be issued. Let’s all remember warnings aren’t like cats with 9 lives – you only get a few.

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