Post # 1
Member
1192 posts
Bumble bee
I know everyone has drama with the bridal party and I’m no special snowflake. I’m just so frustrated.
First, one of FI’s groomsmen had to drop out of the wedding because he might have a court date in South Carolina in the week of our wedding and he won’t find out until the end of March if it’s actually happening or not. Fiance was super bummed about it and is struggling to find a replacement groomsman. He decided to ask one of his college buddies who he hasn’t really kept in touch with. He texted him yesterday morning with no response and facebook messaged him today with no response yet. He’s afraid he’s going to have to ask his brother (even though I’ve told him the sides really don’t need to be even).
On my side, one of my bridesmaids is totally dragging her feet about ordering her dress. I’d originally set the order date of February 15, but I checked with the store last week and it looked like they needed to be ordered sooner to come in on time. I texted her last week to see if it would be a problem to order by February 1, even though that was short notice, and she said it would not be and issue. I called the bridal store Sunday and she still hadn’t ordered, so I texted her again and said “I really need you to order ASAP. Right now the dresses are coming in on May 19th. Any later than that and we’ll have a real issue.” She said she’d do it by the end of the day. Yesterday was a snow day and I didn’t really think about tried not to think about wedding stuff all day. I called the bridal store this morning and they said she still hasn’t ordered her dress. I texted her to see if maybe she has ordered it and they didn’t file it correctly, but I haven’t heard back.
There’s a part of me that just wants to drop her as a bridesmaid and solve both problems, but that seems like such a drastic solution and she is one of my best friends. I just cannot deal with all of this procrastination. She’s known since October that she needed to order the dress in February, so yes, while I did move the timeline up on her, it really shouldn’t have been that much of a surprise. I’m also having stress at work today, which is not helping the situation. I don’t know if I’m really looking for advice or just wanted to get it all out, but advice is welcome if you have it (in a constructive format, please).
Post # 3
Member
47430 posts
Honey Beekeeper
It can be frustrating dealing with the never ending details of wedding planning. I do suggest, however, that you pick your battles.
If this girl doesn’t have a dress in time for the wedding, she attends as a guest. You really can’t make her do anything.
As far as your FI’s groomsman is concerned, why doesn’t he just wait until the end of March to see what happens with his friend’s court date? Asking someone he hasn’t kept in touch with since college to step in is just asking for more troubles.
Post # 4
Member
5473 posts
Bee Keeper
@luluvohn: I don’t think your Fiance needs to replace his Groomsmen… because then won’t the replacement feel like…well, a replacement?
As for the Bridesmaid or Best Man and the dress, maybe she is having some financial issues? Have you talked to her about why she’s dragging her feet? If she’s just being stubborn/lazy/whatever, then tell her the “drop dead” date and if she doesn’t get the dress in time, then she has removed herself from the wedding party. BMs really only have the one big job- to be on time in the dress, and if she can’t do that then she’s not going to stand up there with you.
Post # 5
Member
1192 posts
Bumble bee
@julies1949: The problem is that she’s holding up the order for everyone else. I had the brilliant idea, back in October that we should all order on one form so that the dresses would be in the same dye lot. That means they have to wait for the last order to come in to the store before the place the order with the designer.
@DaneLady: I’ve offered, twice, to pay for the dress and have her pay me back. She said she wanted to wait until she lost weight, but then when she said she would order it, I didn’t think it would be an issue.
As for the groomsman, Fiance feels really bad that he won’t have an even number of people, so he feels strongly about asking somebody else. I’m not going to tell him not to.
Post # 6
Member
47430 posts
Honey Beekeeper
@luluvohn: The dye lot issue used to be a concern, but it’s not so much a concern these days. Fabrics and dyes used to give variable results but things have changed.
Tell her you are going to submit the order on a certain date. If she orders, fine. If she doesn’t, her choice.
Post # 7
Member
1192 posts
Bumble bee
@julies1949: Okay, but I don’t have control over submitting the order. The store does. They’re not going to submit it until all of the individual orders have been turned in to them.
Post # 8
Member
8682 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@luluvohn: You do have control. You tell them the other girl isnt ordering and to place the order. It’s your money and your order. I would order without her. She has been told numerous times to order.
Post # 9
Member
2942 posts
Sugar bee
@luluvohn: If you can afford to pay, I would just cover her dress and not expect to see the money back. If you can,t I would call her (not text) today and tell her point blank “I need you to order your dress today. If you don’t, I would still love you to attend the wedding, but I think it will need to be as a guest. At this point, they won’t complete the order without you, and it’s holding up the other girl’s dresses. Thanks”
Also, as an FYI, they told me that my dresses where not going to be in until March when we ordered in October. They were here mid December.
Post # 10
Member
766 posts
Busy bee
I think you should call your bridesmaid before you just drop her. I love texts and emails for convenience, but sometimes tone and intent get lost over written communications. Unreasonable as it may be, she may not fully understand the true urgency of this and the stress that it’s causing you. She may also not be expressing the real reason she’s not ordering. I’ve found that when you pick up the phone and actually talk to someone, people are nicer and you are more likely to get the real story.
As for your Fiance, I’d just wait until his groomsman knows for sure if he can make it. I think it’s easier for men to fill in at the last minute. I also agree with you that the sides don’t need to be even, but understand if he wants them to be. But I’d keep this issue separate from the one with your bridesmaid. Good luck!
Post # 11
Member
1192 posts
Bumble bee
@Misswhowedding: I don’t know her size, otherwise I would. I do think I will call her tonight if I don’t hear from her before then. I appreciate hearing about your dresses though, that gives me hope they’ll come in early.
Post # 12
Member
47430 posts
Honey Beekeeper
@luluvohn: As the pp has said, after you speak with her, if she’s not ready to order, you, the customer, are in charge. You phone up the store and tell them to submit the order as is. If she decides to order later, well and good. If she doesn’t at least the rest of your girls have their dress.
Post # 13
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
@luluvohn: The dye lot thing is a non-issue unless we’re talking hand dye here, which I doubt. Also, the store will order dresses when people have paid / the bride says. So say it’s ok and they’ll order.
I was in a wedding when we all ordered our dresses separately (NY, LA, Boston and SF based bridesmaids) and they were all the same color.
The bride didn’t even notice my janky alterations and you can’t tell in her pictures either.
Post # 14
Member
1192 posts
Bumble bee
Talked to the bridesmaid tonight and she said she ordered it tonight, thank goodness. As for the groomsmen, Fiance still hasn’t heard back from the second guy he asked (college buddy) and he’s stressing out about that. The issue lurking in the background here is that our hotel is releasing our room block the day after tomorrow, so if we want our potential future groomsman to be in the same place as us, he needs to let us know and book a room in the next 24 hours.
Post # 15
Member
3228 posts
Sugar bee
If someone I knew in college, but didn’t keep in touch with randomly texted me asking me to be in their bridal party I would….think that was really weird. Like, really. If your Fiance is dedicated to this guy being in the bridal party I would tell him to pick up the phone and call. But honestly, if someone hadn’t made an effort to take an interest in my life I wouldn’t spend the money to be in their wedding – especially with 24 hours notice to book a hotel room.
I think you should encourage your Fiance to not drop the other guy until the end of March: maybe (hopefully) he won’t have to miss it.
Post # 16
Hostess
7547 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@luluvohn: I wouldn’t count on this guy to be Groomsmen. If he can’t respond to a text I would be a little worried.
Plus, like
carolinabelle said, it would be weird to hear from someone out of the blue like that. The guy is probably trying to avoid the situation.