Post # 1
When registering for the wedding, I chose very traditional items: china, flatware, glassware… My computer geek of a fiancé just shook his head and added his own, more unorthodox items: computer parts so that he could build a desktop computer.
I was perfectly fine with this–it’s his wedding, too. My mom, however, was horrified. She hates that people might be buying him computer parts instead of my china, and believes that it’s called a “bridal” registry for a reason. Furthermore, my family is paying for the wedding, so the gifts should be geared towards me in repayment. Finally, the registry is about setting up the home, which computer parts do not accomplish.
This has left me totally bewildered. Was I in the wrong to let my fiancé put computer parts on the registry? I thought the registry was supposed to be a reflection of the couple and to help guests pick out gifts we’d want, not necessarily items for the home. He was so excited to design his own computer build.
Post # 3
It really is up to the couple. Some people do believe that you need to only have things for your house but I have seen other things. We ended up getting mostly money since we already had a home together and didn’t need china since I’m getting my parents soon. If you think this is going to be an issue with your mom, try to see if she would be willing to tell people that you want money to finance something (house/honeymoon/etc) in lieu of gifts when they ask her where you are registered? Too bad you can’t ask for just money without sounding tacky!
Post # 4
The registry is for both you and your fiance. Yes it’s his day too and you both will be using the same stuff. Honestly, your mother has no say. I don’t understand at all what you mean by gifts being “geared toward [you] in repayment”. That’s not how it works at all. The gifts are and should be for both of you. Otherwise don’t register and then you’ll be stuck with stuff you can’t return or get rid of that are alot worse than a simple computer is. A computer is part of a household for many people. It’s not on par with a blender or pots and pans obviously but is still used. Obviously this is who he is and if there was a problem with that, it should have been addressed before the engagement ever occurred. If he has no say in anything, including what is used in the house he lives in, why even get married? A marriage should be about equality, not being exclusive and possessive of anything. Just because the wedding industry in general has conditioned people to think that it’s about the bride only and that the groom is just there for scenery means nothing except that the couples involved need to step up break that mold. This isn’t the 1950s anymore. Yes some guys don’t care about wedding planning but if one makes a request, it seems harsh to turn him down because someone else who is oldfashioned (for lack of a better word) doesn’t believe that the man should make a request of any kind, no matter what it is. Let him put the computer on the registry as it won’t hurt anyone or anything. Someone may end up buying because it’s wish list, not a demand list.
Post # 5
Hmmm I can see both points of view. On one hand I understand why guys want to put “their” stuff on the registry (my bf has already asked if we can register for a tv. answer: no. lol). On the other hand… the purpose of a registry really is supposed to be setting up the house. Getting decorating stuff, cooking stuff, making sure that you can function as a couple and entertain. I guess that falls into the “girl” category but guys should care about having a nice house too, I think.
I guess there has been a trend more recently that the registry is less about setting up the house and more about getting a “wish list”… I have seen some of my cousins register for stuff like a wii. Honestly I kind of feel like people might find it odd that there are computer parts on your registry… but then they just don’t have to buy that stuff. 🙂
Post # 6
IF you were a-ok with him putting things on your registry for a computer – then I say – why worry about it? Seriously!! It’s not a bridal registry, it’s a wedding registry. I doubt tons of people will by that stuff – and people from your family will probably be more into the china and such … and you know what? Maybe it gives some of your FI’s friends who could care less about which plates you like something cool to buy. A desktop will help both of you in the end, right? I mean, it’s a computer! So I wouldn’t worry about it, honestly!
Post # 7
you’re a lot nicer than i am. when my fi wanted to put boy stuff on the registry, i said that he should be happy with baking/cooking stuff because than i can make him yummy food. if they buy his crap than there will be no yummy food, or plates to eat it on. for us, we have nothing so it’s important to me that people actually buy us all of the kitchen/dining stuff. if that’s not an issue for you, than i’d say go ahead and put whatever you want on there.
Post # 8
I think you hsould let him have it. If people are uncomfortable buying “non bridal” items, you have stuff they’re intersted in purchasing on your registry. So no sweat. and if your Fi has guy friends coming, they might actually get excited to know they can purchase something guy like, instead of mixing bowls and a wisk. But honestly, you’ll probably get more money than anything
A couple of things you said.
Furthermore, my family is paying for the wedding, so the gifts should be geared towards me in repayment. I don’t quite get this. I guess I just don’t agree with this at all. Just because your parents pay for the wedding, doesn’t mean the presents should just be for you. The presents are for the couple, not the parents.
Finally, the registry is about setting up the home, which computer parts do not accomplish. Actually I kind of disagree with this too. Sure it doesn’t come across as a warm fuzzy homey type of thing. But honestly, computers are a necessity these days. They make so many things easier. So even if he’s registering for better speakers, they can serve a pretty convenient purpose. Just tell those judgy aunts that you’ll use that suff to look up recipes on the internet.
Post # 9
It is traditionally called a bridal registry, but bridal traditionally refers to the wedding in general not just the bride(groom is short for bridegroom too). I definitely don’t think that gifts should be thought of as repayment for the wedding, but it is true that the registry is supposed to be geared towards you guys setting up your new home together. But it still shouldn’t be all about the bride, the groom should care about and be involved in setting up his new home too.
Post # 10
I totally think that the wedding registry should reflect both of the people getting married. While we plan to register for upgraded pots and pans, we are also registering for things like an air compressor and a power washer … why? Because I think it is important that my FH has something to get excited about on the registry, and because I think that tools are part of setting up a home (I mean, an air compressor can clean things, fill tires, and a pressure washer is also a useful cleaning tool) … it is raising eyebrows, but people choose what to buy off the registry, so his brother, or my dad, or his work friends can pitch on on an air compressor and his mom and my grandma can buy us pots and pans and stemware if they wish.
Post # 11
You weren’t wrong at all to “let” your fiance have a say in what goes on your registry! My only problem with putting something like computer parts on is that they won’t last. With a vase or a bowl you’ll be able to pick it up in 40 years and say “oh Aunt Mary gave us this for our wedding”, and you’ll never be able to do that with a computer part. On the other hand, the vase might break on its second usage and you’ve got this exact same problem with a honeymoon registry or house fund. The registry is for both of you, for things you want and will be able to use – let your mum have her freak out and enjoy the computer 🙂
Post # 12
I went along the lines of, “if we can both use it, it can be on the registry.” We registered for home stuff, but also for a Wii and games, because honestly our friends will feel more comfortable buying us video games that we’ll play and enjoy together and with friends than fine china (which we can’t store or use).
If it makes you feel better, at one of our friend’s weddings, we bought them two gifts – one was a beautiful cake stand for the bride and the other was a computer part for the groom. I didn’t think anything of it because the bride is such a kitchen godess while the groom is a computer specialist. I say you shouldn’t worry about your mom’s reaction and stick to your guns. You’re the ones who are going to have to live with whatever you get!
Post # 13
I’ve never heard it called a “bridal” registry, specifically, actually.
And… I’ve never heard it discussed as repayment for the wedding party, either. That kinda makes it sound like a “bridal price” in which your family gets 23 goats and 16 sheep in return for handing you over… Chuckle, chuckle. No… no….
No, this just sounds very not-quite-right. You’re not getting paid or paid back with wedding gifts! People are showing their love and kindness by showering the couple with useful things to build a home together.
(Maybe your mom is thinking of a bride’s trousseau? Which, in the old days, was made up of things a bride brings to her new home? Like, in the olden days, hand-embroidered bed linens and blankets and even nighties and so on. But that’s something completely different from a wedding registry, for sure, too.)
In any case, surely surely surely the registry is just a way to inform people of what gifts would be of real use to the new couple. For sure, it is supposed to reflect what both people need as they build a life together? That’s the purpose, right? And if the couple thinks that includes computers, why in heck not?
And, PS, I think computers are waaaay more central to the modern homestead than, say, Waterford crystal vases or whatever.
Post # 14
Thanks for the advice. We’re keeping the parts on the registry. Now I just need to figure out how to calm my mom down, lol.