Post # 1
I am between a rock and a hard place.
Here is the situation: When I was first engaged, I wanted good friend of mine to be a part of my wedding party. I was disheartened, because she hasn’t been very receptive of my engagement and has barely even uttered a congratulations to me. Because of this, I sort of put her out of my mind as a bridesmaid…
Then, my fiancé and I have realized our party will only be three, each (two guys and a girl on his side, two girls and a guy on mine). He only has three close friends he wants to stand for him, and I agree that three is the perfect number for us. This really means that even if I change my mind, there is no room for the friend mentioned above to be a bridesmaid, now.
I want to find a way to include this friend, somehow. She is a really good facilitator and leader… Are there any good roles I could put her in that would let he be a part of our big day and let her know I value her friendship without seeming like “oh, you were an afterthought, I’ll put you here”?
Post # 3
Ushers (male or female)
Guest book attendent
Reader in the ceremony
If you are doing a unity candle or sand ceremony or similar, she could walk down the aisle carrying the “tools” as part of the processional, but not as part of the actual party. She could wear a coordinating dress, but not the same one.
You could just ask her to get ready with you in the AM and the girls so she knows you value her friendship.
I would be hesitant to ask her to do a role that is “work” just in case she doesnt receive it well (IE like Day-of coordinator or something similar)
Post # 4
Great suggestions… My only other thought was to ask her to be a “Wedding Attendant”. She had one at hers who was a college friend. They really took on some of the Maid/Matron of Honor duties to the Maid/Matron of Honor could be more available to spend time with the bride and other BMs on the day of the wedding… I could see her helping a lot with planning décor and set up… I just don’t want to offend her in any way!
Post # 5
@KatieJean: If she had one, then she would understand you mean it as a compliment and an honorary role. So go for it! I know that role is regional and some people think its not fun and others love the idea.
Post # 6
I think it really depends on your friend. I would never want to be in a b-list “honour” role. I think they are all “oh, you were an afterthought, I’ll put you here” roles. But some people will feel honoured to be asked.
There is another option you didn’t mention, which is unequal sides. If you want this person to be a part of your day you could have her stand up with you and have 4 attendants.
Post # 7
You could have her do a reading. Being a guest is an honor also.
Post # 8
Thanks everyone… Just as I really started to worry, she started coming around. Assumptions get the best of everyone, and now it looks like maybe I’ll just have to have an uneven wedding party…
The neurotic Virgo in my is going to have to take a chill pill and accept that 😀