(Closed) Bridal Shower

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 4
5887 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

okay this is ridiculous.  i think you need to sit Mama Dearest down and tell her while you sooo appreciate her offer to throw the shower, you really can’t have one without inviting groom’s family, so you’ll have to graciously decline.  that or, if your bridesmaids want to plan a separate shower that is perhaps more casual, they can do so and invite groom’s family and not deal with your mother.  you can tell your mother that they are throwing a separate shower already in the works so they wont be helping financially with hers.

im sorry, she sounds like a trip. 

Post # 5
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I see nothing wrongw ith your mom throwing you a shower.  I know i’ve read that its not right ettiquette-wise, but I think that is dumb.  My mom is so excited to plan my shower and I would never take that away from her.  She wants it all to be a suprise and is already coming up with ideas.

I don’t think she is right in deleting the grooms family from the list.  Thats just wrong. Explain to her that its your shower and you want those people there so that your families can get to know one another. 

Post # 6
7294 posts
Busy Beekeeper

ya i dont think there is anything wrong with a mom throwing a shower. my sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor and she is a good planner, so she was in charge. but if not, it definitely would have been my mom. and together they paid for almost everything. my other friends contributed to a potluck (whether or not they were BMs). we always do that for each others parties. heck, i even made a lasagna for my shower because for every pot luck party i attend, i am the one who makes it!

but in your case, i think you need to be firm about the guest list and maybe get her in touch with your Maid/Matron of Honor and BMs and tell her that you only want one shower, but if she can’t do it all byherself, then to get help from the others who want/can be involved!

Post # 7
5787 posts
Bee Keeper

Maybe she decided to take it on since she hadn’t heard from your bridal party about anything being planned, and she wanted to make sure you didn’t miss out. Maybe since she told your Maid/Matron of Honor already, she expected that she’d be in touch with the rest and let them know. If your bridal party was planning to have one, I’d think as a group they’d have made some plans by now. Your wedding isn’t that far away, and many people have summer vacations planned in advance, so I think your Mom was being proactive in getting things started.

Sometimes having both sides included in one huge shower is just too much, and many times the families split them up by sides. I’d guess your Mom is trying to be helpful for YOU, but if your Maid/Matron of Honor wants to foot the entire bill for it without including your Mom, let her have at it. I’d tread lightly,tho, if your Mom has already bought things for it. Why would you hurt her feelings and exclude her?

Post # 8
1401 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

1. Although the ettiquette books would say that family members shouldn’t throw showers because that’s like asking for gifts, most people don’t care about that rule.  It’s perfectly fine for your mom to throw you a shower.

2. There is nothing wrong with having multiple showers.  In my case, there were three:  one at work, one in my current city thrown by my bridesmaids and attended by friends, and one in the city where I grew up thrown by my mom and attended by family.  The only thing to be careful of is that the guest lists don’t overlap; the only people that it’s ok to invite to both showers are your mother and future-mother-in-law.

3. You should be the one deciding who to invite or not invite to the shower, not your mom or anyone else.  If you want your fiance’s family there, then you should have them there.  End of story.

All that being said, you should definitely let your Maid/Matron of Honor have “first dibs” on the shower-throwing.

Post # 9
703 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

If your mom is insisting on throwing you a shower then she needs to include who you want to include, no exceptions.  Also, of course it’s okay to have more than 1 shower!  I had two, one for the groom’s family and one for friends and my family, and my best friend had three, one for friends, one for family and one at work.

Post # 10
432 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

My mom and my future Mother-In-Law threw me a shower at my moms, that part is acceptable.

I think it’s a bit tacky for your mother to offer to host then ask for money but how dare she delete your fiances family! Tsk tsk.

I would certainly talk to her about it, and if she is unwilling to invite your fiances family I would declince and your Maid/Matron of Honor take over.

Post # 11
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I had a similar issue my Maid/Matron of Honor wanted to throw me a shower but didn’t know any of my BM’s and none of them were willing to help.  So my Future Mother-In-Law offered to help and ended up taking over.  Then my Maid/Matron of Honor had money issues and couldn’t offered to pay for everything she had been planning on.  Since my Future Mother-In-Law was making the party basically for his side of the family and excluding my side (well mostly my mom’s side).  So I talked to my cousin who was a Bridesmaid or Best Man and her mom is my godmother & they expressed how they had really wanted to throw me a shower for my side of the family but that they couldn’t afford it without help.  

So I did a no no and said I would help with both parties.  I did most of the food (I love to cook & bake) for the first party & picked up some of the decorations (since my Maid/Matron of Honor works full time & is planning her own wedding, and needed some extra help, she paid me for them).  My Maid/Matron of Honor was still the host on the invitations, so I don’t think etiquette was broken too much.  For the party for my side my Bridesmaid or Best Man & her mom are having it at their house and are the hosts, but I’m doing the food again & we are reusing the decorations from the first party (my Maid/Matron of Honor will be the only one who will be attending both parties).  For both parties I will have nothing to do with the games & others will be doing the actual decorating.

I have found that in some situations it is hard not to be involved or have people close to you be involved with the bridal shower.  It sounds like you have a couple options, you could talk to your mom and hope she will change what she’s doing (I know how hard that can be with some moms) or you can talk to people on your grooms side to see if anyone would want to host a shower.  It sucks but if need be you could always get invovled and help out if you really want a shower or two to make everyone happy.

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