Post # 1
My fiancee’s family lives in Michigan. My family is in New Jersey, and Northeastern Pennsylvania. We live in Annapolis, about 4 hours from my family and 9 hours from his.
My Maid/Matron of Honor is in Michigan. She is planning me a bridal shower, but no one from this area will be able to attend.
People are asking if I figured out my bridal shower yet. The answer is no. I heard it’s bad etiquette to plan your own shower, but who else can do it for me in this area? Two of my bridesmaids are here, but I’ve only known them for a short while and planning just wouldn’t be easy for them.
I wouldn’t mind planning one myself. My friends planned hers awhile ago, it was a co-ed shower and they rented out a room in a bar and had a very nice bridal shower. I could do something similar, but I don’t want people thinking it’s tacky. What do you think I should do?
Post # 3
@audrey_lane: i’m in the same boat. I want a shower, i won’t deny that. But I refuse to throw my own. None of my BMs live here. Unless a local friend asks if they can plan one, I’m not getting one I guess.
Post # 4
@audrey_lane: It is never correct to plan a shower for yourself where you expect people to bring gifts.
Often the bride’s family will host a shower in her hometown, and the groom’s family will host one in theirs.
If someone from Annapolis is asking about a shower, it is an indication that they would be interested in attending. Can you not answer “So far, no one hs indicated that they are hosting a shower.” Maybe they will step up.
Post # 5
@audrey_lane: Maybe the next time someone asks if you figured out the shower plans you should respond with “my BMs aren’t able to plan one for me, so at this point, there won’t be one.”
If this person thinks you should have a shower, they will offer to throw one for you.
In my family, the aunts always threw the showers, not the BMs. There is no rule that your shower has to be planned by a bridesmaid, but there is a rule that you cannot throw yourself a shower.
Post # 6
Just answer that nobody has offered you a shower here and leave it at that. You cannot plan your own shower. Someone will likely step up to the plate if they feel the need.
Post # 7
Why won’t his family attend if the shower is in Michigan, where your Maid/Matron of Honor is? Where does she want to have it? If she is willing/able to travel, I would have it in PA/NJ somewhere so it will be easier for your fmaily to attend.
Post # 8
Maid/Matron of Honor is planning one in Michigan and his family will attend as well as some of his friends in Michigan. But Maid/Matron of Honor is the only one still in Michigan that I am personally friends with in the area, so it’s odd. Also, given the financial situation of fiancee’s family, that will not be a wedding shower with gifts. Probably just games and an excuse to see everyone Maybe some people will buy something but I don’t expect it. For Christmas my fiancee and I bought everyone gifts off their christmas list and no one on his side of the family got us anything. I think they just believe we’re so much better off than they are financially we dont “need” gifts. I would feel guilty if they spent much on me anyway so it’s not a huge deal.
My mom just indicated she’s planning something in PA.
I think that is plenty. I don’t think I need one for this area.
The one who keeps asking if I’ve figured my shower out is a bridesmaid in the area. I could tell her no one is planning it, instead i just keep saying “i haven’t figured it out yet.” She is already doing SO MUCH for me, I don’t want her to take on that responsibility. She would be perfect for it, she is an event planner and take charge. But again, even if she took initiative and planned herself I’d feel guilty for her spending money she doesn’t have and time she doesn’t have on me…AGAIN. hah.
Post # 9
I can’t imagine asking family members to fly to your shower. I would hope someone will host one in each family’s city.
Post # 10
oh i’d never dream of making anyone commute. in the baltimore-annapolis area are ALL my mom’s siblings (she’s one of six), my cousins, and my grandparents.
In Jersey/Northeastern PA, you have my parents, and my father’s entire extended family, some of my childhood friends, my parent’s neighbors who are attending the wedding, etc.
In Michigan are all of my fiancee’s family and our best “couple” friend.
I don’t *need* a shower in each town. My mom said my aunt would love to host a party for me in this area, but I told her not to bring it up at all. I just told her to see who initiates. If no one does, no party. And I’m ok with that. I just don’t want it to be a big deal.
Post # 11
How about letting one of the local aunts or friend host a luncheon or brunch? That could be a fun get-together with no gifts tied to it if you don’t want. Yes, a bridal shower is theoretically designed around bringing gifts but now, in modern times, it is more of an occasion to celebrate the special occasion and your friends and family are probably asking because they would like to celebrate with you.
I am currently planning one for a bride who lives in one city, her family in a different city, and his family in even another city. I am looking at it as a wonderful time to celebrate the bride. We are planning one for his family to attend and inclosing recipe cards and asking his family to share their recipes with her. You might think of doing something like that and it is inexpensive for your guests to contribute.