Bridal \"Shower\"

posted 1 month ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee

dmou :  Try not to take it too personally! *Some* bees get their panties in a bunch pretty easily 🙂

Post # 18
Member
244 posts
Helper bee

dmou :  please point out where anyone on here was rude? You asked about etiquette and the bees gave you the etiquette anser…?

Post # 19
Member
4093 posts
Honey bee

Yes it’s inappropriate if no one hosts. This doesn’t sound like a bridal shower. Sounds more like a get together.  

dmou :  

Post # 20
Member
4910 posts
Honey bee

I’d be fine with this if I wasn’t surprised about paying. I’d likely still bring a gift because I wanted to. I wanted to be sure to post so you don’t feel bad. I think most friends will understand if you can’t afford to pay for them all but still want to celebrate.  You didn’t call it a shower so you’re good! 

Post # 21
Member
5575 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

You asked if it was appropriate, why make the post a year later if you didn’t want answers? Clearly if the thought of it being appropriate or not is still on your mind so far after the event the  you have some niggling feelings deep down about it. 

dmou :  

Post # 22
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

I don’t understand… it wasn’t a shower you just felt like everyone should celebrate you for nothing and pay for the luxuary of celebrating you?

Post # 23
Member
954 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

It sounds as if you still wanted your bridal shower without having to host anything.   As another poster pointed out, there’s nothing stopping you from just hanging out with your friends.  You don’t need the context of your wedding to do that.  If people still brought gifts then it does sound as if you portrayed this more as a prewedding event where people would celebrate your upcoming wedding and less of just a lunch with friends just hanging out.  So, people still gifted you and paid for their meal.  It sounds as if you were actually interested in gifts or you would have just invited everyone out without mentioning your wedding at all (just friends hanging out) where there would actually be zero expectation for gifts.  

Post # 25
Member
951 posts
Busy bee

You asked for opinions. If someone thinks this is tacky, that is their opinion. *gasp* don’t ask for opinions on the internet if you can’t tolerate brutal honesty. 

Making people pay for “bridal” anything is rude. Shower or not. I’ve been to bridal luncheons out at restaurants. They were always paid for by the Maid/Matron of Honor or who ever was hosting. I’d be very surprised to ever show up to something like this and then be expected to pay. I’d never throw a fit over it and would shut up and pay. But it’d definitely leave a bad taste in my mouth and I’d consider it rude. 

Post # 26
Member
4093 posts
Honey bee

I’m pretty sure “bridal brunch” or luncheons are hosted by the bride to thank her bridesmaids, maid of honor and mother and mother in-law for support and effort for her wedding that they have made. Anything with “bridal” is a hosted event and guests don’t pay anything. 

dmou :  

Post # 27
Member
954 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

dmou :  What exactly are you looking for here?  There’s not much you can do about it now as it’s already happened.  It sounds as if you’re going to a few prewedding events now and are seeong that they are, in fact, hosted events and are wondering if what you did was rude.  Unfortunately yes but it’s over and there’s nothing much to do but move on.  If it makes you feel any better, my mom threw me a surprise bridal shower and invited  practically EVERY female invited to the wedding because she heard somewhere that that’s what was done.  Thankfully,  not everyone said yes but i was so embarrassed for a long time thinking about it.  However,  what’s done is done and i focused on the positive and moved on.  

Post # 28
Member
871 posts
Busy bee

I just said in another thread that I didn’t mind contributing to stuff, but sorry I think I’d have to draw the line here. If you want to just hang out with your friends that’s fine and so is everyone paying for themselves, but you wanted to get together right before the wedding to enjoy pre-wedding talk and be the center of attention etc, but have everyone else pay that’s not a set up I’d go for. 

If you’re on a budget, which is totally understandable, I would have gone with what you could afford, even just as has been suggested pizza at your place or getting together for coffee. I’d be happy to contribute to a potluck where you provided the cake and main dish at home and guests brought sides and desserts, in fact I love pot lucks and never mind bringing a dish or two. But asking your guests out and then asking them to pay when it’s an event focused on you seems like trying to play both host and guest of honour at once. 

If you’re fairly young and inexperienced, I’m guessing that this is why you’re posting about it a year later, you thought it was okay at the time and are now second guessing how you did things after seeing other weddings and pre-wedding events since. If this is how you’re feeling, I’d just chalk it up to inexperience and let it go and not feel badly.

Post # 29
Member
6659 posts
Bee Keeper

dmou :  “Hosting” means you’re paying. Nobody is being mean–you asked–hosting a bridal brunch means you are paying for your guests. It’s not what you did, and it’s too late to change that, now you know. If it’s the worst thing you ever do in your life you are better than most.

For what it’s worth, hosting your own shower would have been a far greater offense.

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