(Closed) Bridal shower and cost

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee

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SammiCoJo:  Yes, in ettiquette standards I believe it’s who plans the party should foot the bill.   Not neccessarily Maid/Matron of Honor, but whoever may plan it.  I guess the issue here is that your BMs are unhappy with your sister and it’s causing tension?  

IMO I would recommend you step in..  I was a Maid/Matron of Honor with a very demanding and drama filled bridal party, almost more so than the bride.  I tried to keep the bride out of a lot of the drama, but I did end up learning that she knew about it all along via another Bridesmaid or Best Man, and I was more than hurt that she never stepped in to put a stop to it. 

In short, it’s your wedding and your party, I’m sure you have a lot going on but for the sake of your bridal party I would suggest stepping in to make sure everyone is on the same page and is happy.  Encouraging your sister to pay as she is the planner, and perhaps your family since you said your mom is involved as well.   

 

GOOD LUCK! 

Post # 4
Member
4407 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

The host pays, so in this instance it is your Maid/Matron of Honor. Yes, it would be nice of your BMs to help, but they are under no obligation to do so. If it’s brought up to you just say “since it’s a party being thrown for me I feel uncomfortable getting involved, so please just handle it between yourselves. If that means a smaller party, etc because of budget, know that I am just really excited to have the day with you all, and will love anything you decide”.

 

Post # 5
Member
481 posts
Helper bee

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SammiCoJo:  I think the BMs should contribute to and help with the shower no matter what supposed etiquette says. It is assinine to think that one person should absorb the entire responsibility just bc she is Maid/Matron of Honor. This is my opinion.

Post # 6
Member
7555 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think the Maid/Matron of Honor in this instance is being ridiculous in expecting the bridesmaids to pay for an expensive shower. If they have not agreed to host or been included in the selection of the type of party and it’s cost, it is unfair to expect them to foot the bill of an elaborate and costly party planned by someone else.

Post # 8
Member
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Magnolia House

I would think the bm’s should be involved more. For my sister we (all the bm’s) threw the shower and the bachelorette party. Maybe your mom can help you sister (that way you stay out of it) by telling her to delegate tasks instead of asking, not being rude just say something like Bridesmaid or Best Man A I need you to bring plates, cups etc Bridesmaid or Best Man B I need you to supply the party favors. etc. etc.

That is a tough spot to be in. Also if they are not contributing money wise it could be out of their budget, I think your sister needs to sit them down and talk to them and work it out. I am so not that person though, i would just do it myself and complain to my mom! lol i hate drama

Post # 9
Member
7555 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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SammiCoJo:  Did you sister even ask them if they wanted to help host or did she just send through emails asking about food/themes etc? Because if I just started recieving emails asking for my opinion on a party which I was expected to pay for without being asked I would not take it well.

Post # 10
Member
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2025

Whoever is hosting foots the bill and does all the planning… I can understand asking BM’s for input if the host didn’t know the bride or her colors/theme very well… but its not the responsibility of BMs or Maid/Matron of Honor to pay for a shower, especially if they’re not hosting it. (yes, your Maid/Matron of Honor is hosting, but its not the responsibility of the rest of the wedding party to chip in).

In my family circles, a female family member (usually an Aunt or older cousin) will host the shower. Bridal party isn’t involved at all in any of the planning, put together or cost. Just my opinion and what I’ve experienced.

As for how involved the BMs are… the responsibility of a Bridesmaid or Best Man is to wear the dress you’ve picked and show up on the day looking presentable. That’s it. Any other expectations are beyond what’s considered a reasonable scope on here (or at least that’s what I’ve taken away from MANY conversations about it on here). 

I’d keep your nose out of it entirely. If your sister feels the BM’s should be putting in money and wants to get into it, that’s her battle. IMO, no one should have approached you about anything. These are grown women, they should be able to sort it out on their own.

Post # 13
Member
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2025

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SammiCoJo:  It’s unfortunate that your sister is having to do everything BUT she’s chosen to have quite an affair put together. As you said, above and beyond (like WAY above and beyond what I would expect for ANY shower I attended) and as a result, she has to take on the planning and all of that. She can ASK for help but to expect it wouldn’t be appropriate (I’m not sure if she’s reached out to your girls or not? If she has and they’re not being responsive, that’s plain rude on their part).

I’m all about throwing a good party the right way, but when I throw a party, I have zero expectation of anyone helping me unless they’ve explicitly said “I want to help!” or “I want to chip in”. It’s a good thing your mom and Future Mother-In-Law are there to help pitch in.

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