Post # 1
So i have someone offering to host my bridal shower, however Fiance does not want me having one. He thinks its gift grabby.
My question is if you get someone a bridal shower gift do you also get them a wedding gift? I dont think so which is why i dont think its gift grabby.
He was refusing to register as well, but after some push from family he has agreed to it. He was basically told most people were going to buy things regardless, so we might as well help them out. Otherwise people are clueless. We are both moving out of our parents for the first time so we will need everything, and not 10 toasters from 10 people.
Im trying to find a way to convince him on the bridal shower, i remeber how much fun my sisters was and id hate to miss out on it. But i also dont want guests thinking im expecting a gift for the bridal shower and another for the wedding.
Post # 2
Why not compromise and suggest a luncheon instead? No gifts required and still fun. For the record, yes people do gift both the shower and wedding. Usually the shower gift is smaller or more personal in nature.
Post # 3
I was told that they’re separate gifts in addition to wedding gifts which is why I was persuaded to have one by my Future Mother-In-Law. she said we would miss out on more gifts which is why I didn’t want one bc I think THAT is rude but whatever.. she’s throwing it.
Post # 4
You do get gifts for both usually, and it’s not gift-grabby at all. It’s tradition, the same way wearing a white dress is. (side note, you can totally ignore some traditions if you don’t care about them/they aren’t right for you). No one will think you’re gift grabby if someone offers to host you a shower, and if your registry has plenty of reasonably-priced items for people to choose from.
Post # 5
In my friend group, people will settle on an amount to spend on all wedding-related gifts, including the bridal shower gift, and divvy it up however they see fit. So they might spend $50 on a shower gift and $250 on a wedding gift. I’ve never heard of someone giving a shower gift but not a wedding gift, although I suppose you could give someone their wedding gift at the shower as long as you clarify it’s intended to be a wedding gift and not a shower gift? Idk, this seems like a confusing way to do it.
Anyway, in my experience, yes, people will give you separate shower gifts and wedding gifts. Is it gift grabby to have a shower? I suppose so, but everyone does it, so you’re not going to stand out as notably gift grabby.
Post # 6
Every shower that I have been to I got them a gift for that and then another gift for the weddig. I don’t think it’s being ‘gift grabby’. If people don’t want to get you something then they won’t. The gifts at the shower are usually more geared twards the bride. If you are going to need everything when moving in together then I say go for the shower!
Post # 7
Since the whole point of a shower is to “shower” the bride with gifts, they are by their very nature a gift grab. If your fi does not want you as a couple buying into the grabby behavior, you can consider asking the potential host to make it a recipe shower, where guests would be asked to bring their favorite recipe written/typed on nice stationary which you’d collect and bind them all into a book; a wine or stock-the-bar or stock-the-kitchen shower where the gifts tend to be more modest; or a day-of-service where you all go together to give back to the community.
Post # 8
most people in my family would likely still bring a gift, even if i stated no gifts.
Well i learned something new today. I figured one gift was more than enough even though well be needing everything. Fiance is set on us being able to figure it out on our own. Which i know we can but i feel like hes punishing me not being able to experience this tradition. No one is being forced to attend or to bring a gift. So if they dont want to they just wont.
I have a feeling ill get a surprise bridal shower if i dont agree to it anyway, id just rather we both know about it and be ok w it.
Post # 9
Most people will give you gifts for both. If you don’t want gifts, have a luncheon or brunch. You can still play the games and whatnot, without being a traditionally gift giving occassion.
Post # 10
Why does he feel so stronly about this? The shower is for you, someone offered to host it, and typically he has no involvement. He can not like it all he wants, but he really has no control over it. As far as I know, no one is breaking any ettiquette rules. Like you said, no one has to come so they can rsvp no if they don’t feel comfortable with it. I’d try talking to him about it more and figure out where his feelings stem from. Like another pp said, you can put very affordable things on your registry so the guests have loads of options to pick from, in case he is worrying about putting a financial strain on guests. Its up to the guests to figure out what they can afford though. Many a time I’ll look at a registry, find most/all items I an afford have been purchased, and get something equatable. Most people can use more dish towels, tupperware, etc.
Good luck, bee.
Post # 11
If its just about the tradition for you why not have a girls only shower and let the ladies bring lingerie (Panty Party? Idk, I can’t remember what they call this)? You still get to have a fun get together with friends and there is no reason he should feel it would reflect badly on him. Plus, underwear!
Post # 12
Would he feel better if it was called something else? I also didn’t want a traditional shower because I didn’t want people to feel obligated to get us presents. So my mom’s best friend threw me a “bridal brunch.” The word shower wasn’t mentioned anywhere and that made me feel better. Of course, everyone that came did still end up bringing us gifts, but there’s nothing to be done about that.
Post # 13
If there is anyone who would benefit from the original intent of a bridal shower, it’s you guys- the couple who are still living at home with their parents, and need to set up their whole household.
I suggest the two of you have no need for worry or guilt over the issue of shower and wedding gifts. People will spend what they have decided to spend, and split it between the shower and wedding.
I see no need for you to forego the fun of a shower and the gifts, simply because your Fiance is not as familiar with wedding traditions as he will soon become.