(Closed) Bridal shower and wedding shower?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
4212 posts
Honey bee

beelove414: 

Is the guest list totally different for the bridal shower and the couple shower?

From my circle, there’s only one who had a couple shower and the bride did not have a separate bridal shower after that. Everyone else I know only have a bridal shower. 

Post # 4
Member
7418 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

A bridal shower is a wedding shower and since the point of either is to get gifts, it’s a little iffy to have two.

Post # 5
Member
47211 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

beelove414:  I. think it’s fine if the guestlists are completely different. Some people simply want to celebate with you. For my first wedding, I had 4 showers, hosted by: my Future Mother-In-Law, a neighbour from my hometown, my bridesmaids and my work colleagues.

I see no difference between 4 small showers of 15 guests each, and one huge shower with 60 guests. As long as all the guests are invited to the wedding,no rules are being broken. As a guest, I would rather attend a small shower than a huge affair.

I have also seen references to wedding showers being mixed gender.

Traditionally, the bridal shower is only for women. It is meant to celebrate and help the new bride get ready for her role as wife and to help her set up her new household.

These days, there is a modern bridal shower, called the wedding shower, where both parties can come together. Its purpose is similar to the bridal shower.

Post # 6
Member
2098 posts
Buzzing bee

What is the point of the 2nd shower? People who aren’t coming to the wedding? Personally I would decline. I hate being invited to showers, and I would HATE to be invited to a shower of a wedding I wasn’t even going to. I personally believe in 1 wedding = 1 gift. ( I will send you a gift right around the wedding, no need to have a shower.) I do realize that not many people agree with me! 

Post # 7
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

beelove414:  If the bridal shower being thrown by your Maid/Matron of Honor is just for the women invited to the wedding then who is the wedding shower for? Just the men invited to the wedding?

I thought it was considered gift grabby and rude to invite people to a shower for a wedding they weren’t invited too (with the exception of a quick workplace shower). 

Post # 9
Member
2179 posts
Buzzing bee

Its ok to do both!!! If someone is invited to both and doesn’t want to attend, that person can say no.It sounds like you will invite different people to these events so it’s not even an issue.  I’ve been to multiple showers for the same bride before and thought nothing of it at all! I don’t know why people get so uptight about this. 

More than one person wants to shower you with love, and yes gifts. GO FOR IT!!! Have a great time and DON”T FEEL GUILTY! Enjoy this time with your family and friends. Play games, eat great food, take awesome pictures. Don’t feel like you can’t enjoy yourself! 

You can always say gifts optional if you want, or you can donate any gifts you get that you may not want or already have to a charity of your choice. This is about people being excited you are getting married and celebrating you and your Fiance. Enjoy it. 

Post # 10
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2016

If they have different guest lists then having 100 showers is fine in my opinion. I think it is rude to invite people to multiple showers, but if there is not a crossover on the guest list, go for it!

Post # 11
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Is this family friend invited to the wedding? If she isn’t, does she think she is? 

I personally would feel uncomfortable letting someone throw me a shower if I had no intention of inviting them…

But, if she is invited, I see no problem with it. As long as the guest lists don’t overlap. 

Post # 12
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Don’t invite anyone to a shower who isn’t even important enough to get an invite to the wedding. Someone once invited me to their shower and bachlorette party, but I didn’t get an invite to the wedding. I thought it was rude. I was good enough to buy that person a gift and buy them drinks all night but not good enough to attend the event we were celebrating.

I don’t see a problem with 2 shower events, but if some of the guests overlap, you need to make it clear to those guests that you don’t need or even want two gifts from them.

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