Post # 1
My sister is my MOH- she is currently finishing up her senior year of college so I know she’s busy, but she’s trying her best to help with what she can. A month or so ago she e-mailed all of my bridesmaids and asked if anyone had ideas for the shower and asked for help. A few responded saying they would help with the bacherlorette party (which they haven’t) and one said “You and your mom are supposed to do that.”
My mom had a little mini-fit, because she believes it isn’t proper etiquette for her to host. I sort of agree, and I know she has been helping me with the wedding and is busy. My mom has said we can have it at her house, but she needs the other girls to help out. They keep saying, “Oh tell me what I can do to help” but then don’t help.
When I mentioned this to a co-worker getting married around the same time as me she had a fit, saying the bridesmaids need to work on this and not leave it up to my mom.
What’s the best way to try to get them involved? I e-mailed my closest friend and asked her to help my sister, but am not sure how to handle the others. They all live out of town, but the shower is in our hometown so they all know the town inside and out and have family there (except one girl, but she can’t come, and that’s fine.) I don’t want to be mean, or greedy or anything like that, but I know that if it were them I’d be more than happy to help- and I don’t want to add more work on for my poor mom- she has been a lifesaver already! Aside from just cancelling it and my travel plans, what would you do?
(Don’t even get me started on no one doing the bachelorette party but my sister and I!)
Post # 3
I guess nobody is out there! 🙂 But, my sister is done with school next week and is just going to dole out tasks and we should be all set.
Post # 4
First, it is not appropriate for your mother to host the shower.
Second, your Out of Town friends probably don’t know what to do you help since they are not local. Your sister needs to deligate. Send an email to all the girls who can or offered to help. Split of the tasks something like this:
-one girl does the invites, one girl does food, one girl does the drinks, one girl does the decor, an another does the games. Try to divvy the costs up evenly. Everybody needs deadlines for when they should have things ordered by or made by. Your sister should ask that everyone let her know when they’ve taken care of thier stuff and report back to the girls the final costs, so your sister can even everything out cost-wise. If someone can’t contribute as much as another, you sister needs to eat the cost since she’s the Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 5
This is so hard. Yes, I agree that it is generally frowned upon for a mother to host the shower, but sometimes that’s the only realistic option. How sweet of your mom to let everyone use her space! Hopefully she won’t get stuck cleaning up…
While it would be lovely for all your maids to help with the shower, as someone co-planning a shower I have to say I actually really wish I were in your sister’s shoes. I would MUCH rather have one person basically in charge, with possible help as needed, than have all of us ostensibly doing our share but really me frantically chasing after everyone trying to get them to update me with what has (my tasks) and has not (everything else) been done. Oh well.
Good luck to your sis, and I hope you enjoy your shower!
Post # 6
Honestly, you shouldn’t be involved in this process at all. Your sister just needs to take a stand and work this out with the other girls. If you say anything to them you are going to look exactly the way you don’t want to look (demanding and greedy). Just suggest to her that she assign specific tasks to the other girls. They may really not know what needs to be done so it’s difficult for them to help if they aren’t given guidelines.
Post # 7
I agree with you both. Mom should not be hosting the shower, and someone needs to delegate the tasks. If I tell someone I am willing to help and then they don’t contact me with something to do, I assume they don’t want my help. I’ve made the offer and the ball is back in their court waiting for a response.
It is quite easy to tackle this via email if they are all Out of Town. But I don’t think the OP as the bride needs to be involved in this. It doesn’t look right from the outside, that the bride is organizing the help for her shower.
Post # 8
@ BunnyBride- I agree, if I were Maid/Matron of Honor I would love to do it all on my own as far as planning goes, but I love to plan parties!
All of the girls grew up in the town, only one is Out of Town. So they all know the area inside and out. My sister is busy finishing up her senior year of college and applying to grad school, but since posting this 2 girls have said they will help her.But my sister knows them all VERY WELL (we have all known each other since kindergarten) so it shouldn’t be hard for her to delegate.
If it ends up being a bust it’s fine with me- the most important part is seeing my friends and family, even if we end up eating Pop Tarts from my mom’s cupboard 🙂