Post # 1
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Background: Mr. LK and I specifically chose to have a small wedding with only our immediate family and closest friends. I come from a BIG family, so this means that we have chosen to exclude a large number of my loved ones, people that I care about and who care about me. In some ways, excluding my big family absolutely crushes me, but neither Mr. LK nor I would ever feel comfortable at a large wedding, so this is the right choice for us.
Problem: My bridal shower. More specifically, the women of my big family have stated on several occasions to my Mom and myself that they want to be invited to my bridal shower, even though they know that they are not invited to the wedding. My Mom took it upon herself to relay this information to my Maid/Matron of Honor (my sister-in-law), and now my Maid/Matron of Honor and I are stumped on how to handle this situation. On the one hand, I know it is a total breech of ettiquette to invite someone to a bridal shower who is not also invited to the wedding. On the other hand, I am afraid that not inviting these family members will offend them because they have explicitly expressed a desire to attend the shower regardless of their wedding invitation status.
What would you do?
Post # 3
I had the same issue. The deciding factor was when a friend said, “I don’t care if I’m not invited, I’m going to give you a present anyway!” They wanted to come and I had no real reason why they shouldn’t. The bridal shower was my way of thanking them with food/fun for the presents they were getting me anyway.
Post # 3
Invite them! I’m inviting people to my bridal shower that are not invited to my wedding. I think as long as they KNOW (without a shadow of a doubt) that they are not invited to the wedding, it’s okay to invite them. I can’t invite everybody because of our budget but my friends/family totally understand that and just want to celebrate the occasion with me anyway they can.
Post # 4
I know that’s the rule, but…I have started to wonder recently in situations like this, since the invitation won’t be (or shouldn’t be) officially coming from YOU, then why does it matter who is invited? If someone like your mom is officially throwing you a party, then can’t SHE invite whoever she wants?
(I voted yes)
Post # 5
I think as long as they all know they unfortunately cannot be invited to the wedding, its fine to invite them to the shower. Good luck!
Post # 6
They already know they are not invited to the wedding and want to share in the celebration of your marriage at the shower, so have your Maid/Matron of Honor invite them.
Post # 7
I think in your situation, it is alright, and appropriate to invite these guests. In most cases, I totally disagree with the decision to invite someone to the shower, and not the wedding.