Post # 1
Sorry I just needed to vent a little.
I’m the Maid/Matron of Honor in my sister’s wedding. Her shower is a week away. I am hosting, with my mom ‘co-hosting’ the shower. My sis is having quite a large wedding, as both families are very large. Her bridal shower included a list of 60 ladies.
We selected a venue that overlooks the water, had custom invites/favor tags/menus etc made, I put together a photoslide show of the couple, assembled 60 little and delicate boxes for favors, and made a funny game that included videos of the groom (i’m hauling a tv to the venue), and have been picking up things here and there to decorate the room with. So… a lot of spare time went into this. She’s my only sister and I wanted to throw her a great shower.
First – no one RSVPd except a very small handful of people (I even had to track down a couple bridesmaids). My info was the RSVP info on the invite. My mom told me who was not coming when talking to the family (I heard 2nd hand)… because of that, we reached out the MOG to see if her side was doing the same and telling her an not me. And of course, they were. But she assumed they’d also officially RSVP. So we had to track down everyone. Are people really scared to call/text a number they don’t know? I don’t get it. I’ve RSVP’d when I didn’t know a name on the invite.
Second – We finally got (most of) the RSVPs… no one’s coming! We had a room minimum of 50. Somewhere in planning, the list was even upped to 70 (we had a few more added to the wedding, so they were added here too). And now, we’ll be lucky if even 40 show up, but I think 35 is a more realistic number. I’ll be paying for 50 people no matter how many show up, which sucks — I’m still paying the same amount I budgeted just more per person, so I try to remind myself that. And so many of the cancelations are the grooms side, so I’m really hoping my sister doesn’t take it personally.
I’m just bummed. I wanted an awesome party, and yes, it still will be one! But so many people won’t be able to join in. I would have scaled down if I assumed only 50% would show up. It just makes me a bit sad.
Post # 2
Eliza_Bee: I think showers are getting out of control. They used to be simply light refreshments at someone’s house. Now, many of them are a dressup affair at a venue. I think that contributes to the percentage of declined invitations.
35 is still a lot of women at a shower. Opening gifts will take considerable time. Be grateful on your sister’s behalf for those who are coming rather than focussing on the negative so your mood doesn’t rub off on the bride.
Post # 3
Eliza_Bee: :-/ a lot of people do not like showers/ only attend them if they are close with the bride. How did they determine the guest list? I went through mine and said invite this person, I know them, ect. I didn’t invite every single female wedding guest, just the ones I knew well.
I know it stinks paying for 50 when ten or so won’t show up but there is nothing you can do about it now 🙁
Atleast now you kind of know for next time to avoid rooms with minimums!
Post # 4
Is there anyway you can drop the number? when we had our reception, the venue we chose allowed us to change headcount up to 48 hours in advance (it really mattered if there was going to be more people than less). We estimated for 50, only 25 showed. Which was fine because we dropped the number to 30 and there was plenty of food for everyone to eat and have.
I think it’s the thought that counts. Can your wallet handle this? If so, I think you should focus on making this a wonderful party for your sister and try not to get too worked up over the lack of RSVPs. A lot of people probably thought they don’t need to RSVP and will just show up.
Post # 5
Honestly, unless I feel I HAVE to attend, really close to the bride, I try to avoid showers. It isn’t really my idea of a good time to go to a fancy brunch with people I don’t know and watch someone open up a bunch of home stuff they don’t really need. Thirty-five is a pretty good number of women who like/are close enough to your sister to attend a bridal shower.
Post # 6
I think you made a mistake by inviting 60 people and expecting a minimum of 50 to attend. Showers are not as big of a priority as weddings. Expecting people to dedicate multiple weekends to celebrating your sister’s marriage might be too much, especially if they aren’t all very close with her.
Post # 7
Boxerlover24: We have a really big family. Almost all invites are her aunts and cousins; and immediate and close family on his side. The friends invited are in the wedding.
I’m just venting about the cancellations. But I’ll be happy the day of, and I still want to throw my sister a great party. It’s all about celebrating family, and the women coming together to give their advice and goodwill to the bride.
Post # 8
junkbee: Yeah. I over estimated the acceptance by a lot. I assumed it would be higher considering it was mostly family. But it is what it is.
Post # 9
mrs.joiner: They were very clear about the count. And when I said we invited 70 when talking menu, she was confident we’d make the 50. But it still will be the same amount paid, so it doesn’t affect my wallet any more than it already would. I just have to focus on enjoying the group that’s coming and having fun.
Post # 10
Eliza_Bee: 60 guests is a lot for a bridal shower. Normally they just consist of the bridal party and *close* friends and relatives. The guests who are not close to the bride probably didn’t feel like their presence was necessary (and the term gift grabby may have come to mind). Personally I’d feel awkward as a “just because” guest. It was rude for them to disregard the RSVPs though.
Post # 11
I don’t think 50% or so is a bad acceptance rate for a bridal shower. I plan lots of events for my job, and we usually get more declines than acceptances. There could be lots of reasons they can’t come: work, other event obligations, budget restrictions, etc. Yes, it’s frustrating to plan for a certain number, but you just can’t estimate an exact number. It sounds like it will still be great!
Post # 12
I would just maybe try asking them if they can let the minimum slide this time. Can’t hurt to try
Post # 13
- Wedding: November 2014 - Hotel Bethlehem
This happened to my shower too! We had 60 people invited and i think only 35 showed up. I was bummed at first, but the shower it self was beautiful and I was really happy with the people that did show up. Totally loved my bridal shower!!! Minus the fact I was in the hospital 4 hours before it was supposed to start! I wouldn’t have changed it one bit 🙂
Post # 14
I remember for my own shower we invited like 30ish people and only about 15 showed up. Understandably because some lived out of town and I think that a lot of people just think since they are coming to the wedding the shower is not as important. 35 people is still a lot of people, your sister will be busy with trying to talk to all of them for sure =)