Post # 1
I have not given a lot of thought into my own bridal shower, but always imagined myself having one. I imagined my closest friends and all the women in my family surrounding me on my special bride day, playing silly games, and eating miniature pastries.
Yesterday, after receiving an invite to a family friends shower, the topic came up. Eventually, we came to the conclusion that it wasn’t worth having a shower for me. This is why:
All of my friends are scattered throughout the country, including my Maid/Matron of Honor. My family is mostly in NY, as well as my girl cousins and wonderful aunts. Essentially, I would have 2 girl friends that would actually make it, the rest of the crowd being my grandparents and fi’s grandparents.
I have lots of girlfriends at work but they might not be invited to the wedding, unless we have a lot of people decline coming to the wedding. I wouldn’t want to invite them to my shower unless they were getting an invite to the wedding.
It’s such a depressing thought that i’ve been crying all day. I’ve been driving fi up the wall and all he said was “i’ll make a special day just for you”. Thoughtful, but not the same.
Do you guys have any suggestions on what do do in my situation? I didn’t want to plan my own shower, or show up to a geriatric event for me. Any thoughts?
Post # 3
I’m so sorry you feel bad. I understand. Plant a seed that the day before the wedding there should be a mini-shower/bridesmaids lunch or something. You deserve to spend time with the women important to you before your big day!
I’m having one but I’m a little worried about who is going to come. I’ve been to lots of big showers, but I don’t have a big family and FI’s family live in another state. My worried my bridesmaids are throwing a huge party for a small group. :/
Post # 4
@MizzStark1026: There is no minimum amount of guests required to have a shower, if two is what you’ve got…that is what you’ve got. I look at this as an opportunity to really blow the doors off on the budget and treat yourselves to something amazing, fun and feminine…are there any Victorian Tea houses around?
You and your ladies, get gussied up, you can even get away with a hat and gloves, go treat yourselves to afternoon tea with all the trimmings and enjoy the hell out of each other!
Post # 5
My bridal party was scattered all around the country (and 1 out of the country), so my mom, FI’s mom, and my cousin stepped up to throw a bridal party in PA, where my parents and many of my relatives/family friends live.I had to drive 6 hours to be there, but it was nice to have one. Aside from myself and my sister, there were only 3 other girls around my age and they were all relatives, but the older women were a lot of fun!
Any chance your family could throw one in NY so only you have to travel instead of all of them? I know it’s not “proper” etiquette, but no one seemed to think it odd that it was at my mother’s house or that she sent the invites.
Post # 6
@MizzStark1026: Sometimes the locations of guests just make it darn right impossible to have any extraneous events like bridal showers or bach parties.
These events are not mandatory and it’s never proper to host/throw/create one of these parties yourself. It’s always something someone else does for you, if someone wanted to.
Your work friends can throw you a work shower (even though they are not invited to the wedding, this is one area of exception), but someone has to want to do it and come up with the idea on their own. No one at my work even got me a card and I’ve been here 13 years, so try not to expect too much!
So, if you have a friend, and she offers a shower for you, and only two friends plus family can go, then you may graciously accept or graciously decline the offer.
Just try to remember: showers are not mandatory or necessary. If you do get one, it’s just a really nice bonus. That’s it – a bonus. Many brides do not get showers at all (like me!).
So focus on your beautiful wedding day and go do some exercise. That helps me from crying!
Post # 7
You could still have a small one in FL! Or, what about having one where more people are, like NY?
Post # 8
I would still throw myself something so you still have that special moment. Guess what? I’m doing my own bridal shower… and my own girls night too. None of my so called friends wanted to do it (weddings can be eye openers) and I’m not missing out on the people in my family who I really want to celebrate with because of them! Having an intimate gathering will be fine, and I don’t know your grandparents but it doesnt mean it has to be a stick in the mud event! I love any excuse to throw a really cute party. Find some inspiration on pinterest and get excited about something. Instead of a registry have your guests make a craft together that suits you, or incorporate a way to learn some sound marriage advice from those grandmas! Do something for yourself though. And ask the people that are far because they might just travel in, you never know!
Post # 9
Why can’t you have a shower in NY with your family?
Post # 10
I through a shower for my best friend a couple years ago. And we only had about 7 guests there. She didn’t even have her mom or family there because they live so far away. We still had a lot of fun. Maybe you should still try to whisper in someones ear that is close to you about throwing a shower anyway. Even though there won’t be many people there. Fewer people sometimes even means more fun!!! 🙂
Post # 11
A good friend of mine had a similar distance problem. She ended up having a lingerie shower the day before the wedding. It was a blast, and all her long-distance loved ones were there. Maybe something like that could be an option?
Post # 12
@MizzStark1026: Aw, that sucks, but I guess we can’t have it all, right?
Maybe you can do some sort of girls’ weekend at some point (with more planning) to make up for it?
I guess this is just a bit of bad luck.
I’ve never given a bridal shower any thought personally, but I guess it would be a fun event.
Post # 13
I’m really sorry you’re so upset 🙁 If it’s any consolation, I am not having one for the same reason…my whole family and a lot of my friends are out of state, and the only reason I’m okay with it is because I have a weird thing about being the center of attention.
Would it be possible to have one much closer to the wedding date, when out of towners like your family would possibly be able to attend since they’ll be there for the wedding anyway?
Post # 14
I understand how you feel. I’m having a traditional shower, but I have a feeling the turnout will be pretty low (not to mention that some people won’t even be invited due to the distance they’d have to travel). If going to NYC for a shower/event in your honor isn’t a possibility…I do like the idea of having a small event the day before the wedding (lingerie shower, tea, lunch). Or, if budget would allow for it, maybe feel out if/how many girls would be able to go away (like to Vegas or something like that)? How close are you with work people? It’s entirely possible they’ll do a shower for you too. Hang in there!
Post # 15
It’s a sucky feeling but If I had one in NY, I just know some of the family that was invited would say “I can’t believe she brought the shower here, just to collect presents”. It’s not about presents at all, but rather everyones presence.
Thanks to the girls who said they aren’t having one either for the same reason as me. I felt really alone about that. I think I am going to follow all of your advice and see if I could plan something for my girls and I rather than a shower.
I was so excited excited excited to get engaged and plan a wedding, but rather, every day I have a new and sad issue to bring up.
Post # 16
I am actually in this exact situation myself- friends and family all scattered around, lots of close coworkers who aren’t invited to wedding due to venue size. What makes it even more difficult for me is my moms best friend( I’ve recently lost my mother) has offered to throw me a shower, and she’s super excited about it. When I mentioned to her that I don’t think anyone could make it from out of town, she had a list of localsl she wanted to invite(small town, she knows everyone) but they are all super extended family that I’ve only met as a kid and wasn’t planning to invite to the wedding! I feel your pain here!