Post # 1
Is it proper etiquette to send a shower invite to friends who live out of town?? I’m considering sending an invite to a few friends that live out of town – mostly to let them know that I’d love for them to be there and am thinking of them for… yet, I don’t expect them nor do I think they would come. So, that is making me second guess adding them to the list…. Thoughts?!
Post # 3
I wouldn’t (and didn’t). Shower invites still come with the expectation of another gift, plus travel expenses.
Post # 4
I have my out of town bridesmaids on the list, but that’s because they are still helping my MOHs plan the shower, so I think it’d be rude not to include them! I know they can’t make it, but I still want them to know I’m thinking of them.
I wouldn’t invite out of town friends who aren’t in the wedding, just because I’d be afraid they’d feel obligated to send me a gift. I feel weird about the whole gift thing to begin with though… so that’s where my opinion is coming from 🙂
Post # 5
You are supposed to send an invite for a bridal shower to EVERY female guest invited to the wedding.
Post # 6
I’ve been pondering the same thing, except moreso regarding my out of town women family members. I know they wouldn’t be able to make it to the shower, and I wouldn’t expect them to. I don’t think I will be sending them an invite if I do end up having a shower, because I feel like it may make them feel obligated, and since I know they can’t come, it’s pretty much just asking them to send a gift, which I feel weird about.
Post # 7
Sending a shower invite is a nice gesture even if you know they can’t attend — it shows them that they’re important to you and that you would have wanted them there.
*** And aren’t gifts a big part of a Bridal SHower?
Post # 8
I can see how it’s a nice gesture but on the same hand I feel like it could be taken as being greedy and making them feel obligated.
I don’t think there’s a set rule on this, but I just don’t feel comfortable sending a shower invite to every single woman that’s on the guest list, when I know many wouldn’t be able to go. In my opinion, it’s basically just asking someone to mail you a gift in addition to a wedding gift. I just feel awkward about it.
Post # 9
@Pizzelle — I don’t think you’re necessarily supposed to invite EVERY female guest to the shower. We’re certainly not inviting friends from far away, or the wives of FI’s friends (who I barely know). If we sent these people invitations I think it would just come off looking like we were greedy for gifts.
However, we ARE inviting some out-of-town guests to the shower. We’re inviting all of my aunts, even though most live far away and probably won’t come. I think they would probably be a little insulted if they didn’t receive a shower invitation. We’re also inviting all of my close friends who live on the east coast (the shower will be in Boston). Many of them probably will attend the shower, since my bachelorette is also going to take place in that evening.
Post # 10
To let them know I was thinking about them, I sent invitations to out-of-town sisters, his mom, and my grandmother, plus like 3 of my good friends who live 2-3 hours away even though I didn’t really expect them to come. I didn’t send one to my good friend who lives 12 hours away though. And you don’t have to invite every female invited to the wedding. I only invited the ones that I’m closest to.
Post # 11
There’s no etiquette about ‘out of town-ness’ that I know of. But yeah, you definitely shouldn’t be sending an invite to every female attending your wedding, unless that’s the epectation in your community/culture – etiquette dictates only your nearest and dearest. If those people happen to be out of town I think it would be nice to send them an invite. Maybe also give them a call and say you know they can’t make it, but that you wanted them to know you were thinking of them and how you’re looking forward to seeing them at the wedding.
Post # 12
If there is a women on the wedding guest list as primary guest (ie: not the wife of a friend who is invited) then they are invited to the shower. Away or not. I think it is rude to not invite them, I would be offended if I weren’t invited. And I do get ppl a gift even if I cannot attend.
Post # 13
I invited two guests that live out of state to my shower, and one is coming and the other is not. I definitely don’t expect the friend who is not coming to send a gift.
I will NOT be inviting every female at my wedding to my shower. I’m of the school of thought where the shower is for your dearest friends and family. I would feel like a total gift-grubber if I invited that many people.
Post # 14
I think it depends on how “out of town” they are. I personally wouldn’t invite anyone who has to fly, but I’ve been to showers that are an hour or so away – it’s not a big deal.
My mom’s doing my shower. I’m guessing she already booked a place (or our backyard) she told me to give her a list of max 25 women. I included some of my girlfriends who live about 1-2hrs away.
There’s no hard and fast rule, but I can say you don’t have to invite EVERY female to your shower. Oh man, I’d end up having over 115 women and most of them I’m not really friends with. Like PP’s have said – they’re girlfriends of FI’s friends, dates, etc. Aside from that being a lot of gifts, I would feel odd asking my mother/MOH (hosts of the shower) to foot the bill for that many people.
Edit: For the record my mom & Future Mother-In-Law also have their own lists. I don’t want it to seem like Future Mother-In-Law isn’t included in the planning. 😉
Post # 15
We just started making a tentative list for my bridal shower. I have always thought that my shower would be close family/friends. I will probably have over 200 people invited to the wedding, but a shower guest list of 35 tops? I have been invited to huge showers and they are awful. You sit there for 3 hours watching the bride open gifts (YAWN)!
I am also not inviting close out of town friends because I don’t want them to feel like they need to get me 2 gifts.
Inviting all females to the shower sounds completely ridiculous! Guess it depends on the situation though.