Post # 1
I need some advice here. I know it’s customary to usually have a shower on each side (the bride and grooms sides), but how many of you have had two showers on one side?
My Maid/Matron of Honor has already been planning a shower for me and described the guest list to be one for the closest females in my life, so I assume friends and family members. Well, I just found out that my Aunt, two cousins, and sister-in-law are planning to have a shower for me as well. Then also, my Future Mother-In-Law has a friend who is throwing a shower for me. My question is how to address the guest list for the first two showers? I was originally planning on giving my Maid/Matron of Honor a list that included all my female family members (which by the way is a stunning total of only 8 people) and a list of my closest girlfriends (maybe about 7 people, 3 of which we already know can’t make it since they live too far away). I feel like my aunts and cousins and SIL are pulling about half the guest list away from my Maid/Matron of Honor. Do any of you see this as a problem to have two smaller showers? Also, do we invite all my family members to my MOH’s shower as originally intended if it’s going to be the first shower?
Oh, and to top it off, we already told another aunt not to throw a shower for me since my Maid/Matron of Honor is doing one already, so now I know she’s going to be upset that my other aunt is getting to throw one!
So much unneeded unanticipated stress!
Post # 3
Alli, I hear ya! I am having shower stress as well, though mine is a different type.
Would it be possible to channel some of that party-throwing energy differently? Perhaps you could get all of the potential shower-throwers together to act as co-hostesses and throw just one shower for you. Or maybe the aunts could host a bridesmaids’ luncheon, instead of a shower. Or, some subset of the party-throwers could do an engagement party instead, so that you (and your guests) aren’t bombarded with showers and the "gift obligations" that come with them. Just some thoughts.
Post # 4
I had not heard that it was customary to have a shower on each side. The etiquette books I have read have stated that the bride gets one, and it is thrown by the maid of honor. The family is allowed to help, but are not supposed to be the hosts, as this may seem like a push for gifts.
Post # 5
If all those people want to have showers for you, let them! More parties for you to celebrate with your loved-ones. Just make sure that all the planners know that there are multiple showers and that all the guests need to know that they are not expected to bring gifts to every single one.
Post # 6
I’m with maryalison. See if one of those ladies would mind hosting the bridesmaid luncheon or even a day after brunch for you. There were so many people who wanted to do things for me and my fiance (mostly my grandmother’s friends who have known me my whole life) that we ended up with 2 showers, a couples engagement party type thing and the bridesmaid luncheon.
Post # 7
I totally agree with rosychicklet! It’s a nice gesture on the part of all those people, and I’m sure those recipients will be flattered. Just make sure to let them know they need not bring gifts to every shower. Also let them know that it’s ok if the burden of all these Saturday afternoon, etc events is bogging them down. They might not be able to attend every shower, and that’s alright too.
Post # 8
I’m with maryalison. See if one of those ladies would mind hosting the bridesmaid luncheon or even a day after brunch for you. There were so many people who wanted to do things for me and my fiance (mostly my grandmother’s friends who have known me my whole life) that we ended up with 3 showers (one is for lingerie only right before my bachelorette party that my bridesmaids are hosting), a couples engagement party type thing and the bridesmaid luncheon. Then my grandmother is hosting a day after brunch for immediate family and out of town guests.
Post # 9
I guess I thought a shower on both sides was customary, my bad…
My Fiance is from small town Iowa, so that one is going to be so everyone can get to know me to give them the "ok" to welcome me into their family I guess 😉
Post # 10
I’m in the same boat. Maid/Matron of Honor is throwing me one and then found out FI’s grandma has been planning on doing it too. If you’re ok with multiple parties then go for it… As for me I’m a one party girl gLuck to you!
Post # 11
Multiple showers can be great, especially if there are tons of girlfriends and cousins and whatnot. I am sort of in the same boat as most of my girlfriends live out of state and won’t easily be able to travel for a shower and a bachelorette party and the wedding as well – maybe two of the three. However, a shower with 8 or 10 girls can be really fun too. I agree that it might be better if some of your well-wishers could work together, or if you could channel their energies into another party. A bridesmaids’ lunch is a great idea. One of my girlfriends has decided that she should throw a MOB lunch, for my mom and her girlfriends, in appreciation of all she is doing (not exactly traditional, but I think its a great idea).
I had always heard that immediate family should not throw a shower (bridal or baby). So no moms or sisters. In my family, its quite usual for cousins to throw a shower, so I assume that’s just fine, although it may depend on your particular situation. Clearly your aunts and cousins think its just fine.
Post # 12
honestly, i think it’s fine if you have multiple showers. sometimes it’s either not geographically feasible or downright weird to have family and friends at the same shower. my Maid/Matron of Honor is throwing a "destination" lingerie shower for me in san francisco — i really didn’t want her to invite our families to that, nor would they come from the east coast. so i’m having a separate "family" shower.
so in your situation, your Maid/Matron of Honor (not you, she’s the one planning this) needs to talk with your family and find out what the best situation is and how to either a) combine showers, or b) split the guest list appropriately.
Post # 13
Let them each throw you a shower. Close family (sisters, grandmother) and the bridesmaids as well as a few other very close family can be invited to all. They are just not obligated to bring a gift to all. Provide your Maid/Matron of Honor with the list of primarilu girlfriends and your immediate family and provide the aunt/cousins, witht he list of family and a few girlfriends and the In-laws side should be provided with a list of that side of the family, bridesmaids and your immediate family.
Post # 14
P.S. I’m sure I will end up having multiple showers since my family lives 4 hours away from his family.
Post # 15
Since your two lists of family and friends is so small, one shower makes more sense. It sounds like your Maid/Matron of Honor & aunt (and FMIL) all want the honor of being the host or the one to host the shower.
Are you comfortable with talking to all three to tell them you’d prefer to have just one shower and would they all be willing to work together as co-hostesses? Sometimes that gets tricky. When you’re the only hostess, you get to make all the decisions and not have to get 2 other people to agree, and they are inevitably all going to have different opinions on what would be nice for you!
It just seems like a lot of time that you have to spend going to three separate showers with small groups for each. Be as pragmatic as possible, and I’m sure it’ll turn out lovely. Good luck.